This is like an addiction. I have to feed it every once in a while to keep my sanity. I come back to this place when things go wrong, and when I have no one else in the world to talk to. I've reached that point once again. My friends, my boyfriend. No one. I've been fighting with myself for the past few days, but I've finally come to the realization that I'm not wanted. I'm not welcome anywhere. Courtney's home, but I haven't seen her. Why? No one gives a damn about me. Do you understand how hard it is to face that fact? Do you know how much it hurts, or how belittling it is? I do. It's my life, and I know it all too well.

My friends. The few that I can call my friends have disappeared. They've become so tied up with boys that they don't realize we haven't spoken in a few days. They don't realize that they don't know anything about me anymore. It hurts.

My boyfriend. I don't even know who he is anymore. He used to be the most wonderful, caring, loving, and big-hearted person in the world. And now? He lies to me. He expects me to be okay with the things that he hides from me. I'm not. He doesn't see the importance of doing something different. Like a date. We haven't gone a date, just the two of us, in a ridiculously long time. I feel selfish, and I feel like a spoiled brat, but I'd like to think I deserve something special.

It's funny. The person that I promised myself I would never get close to again is the only person that has been able to comfort me through all of this. He'll send me a song to listen to, knowing that the words will hit my heart in just the right way. He knows the things I need to hear, and he says them. He smothers me in compliments when I haven't heard them from anyone else in way too long. There are no hidden agendas, no alternate intentions. It's him and me, forward with our thoughts and feelings. Poetry in motion.

To the reader: If you're thinking something along the lines of, "Suprise, he makes your day again!," I'd prefer you to leave your thoughts unsaid. Thank you.

"You're beautiful, and you're crazy. In a good way. You have a good taste in music, and you have intellect that breeds deep conversation. And you're simply cute."