I've become comfortably numb. Sort of. Every word of every line that Nate throws in my face is completely deserved. As vicious as those words may be, I have to take it. I put him through an inconcievable amount of pain. All for what? My happiness? Lately, there's no such thing. I'm dating Thomas, but I'm incapable of feeling anything. I like him, but in the grand scheme of things, is that what's most important? Liking him? He made me feel good about myself at a time when I just wanted to hide from the world. I still do. I want to get in my car and go. I don't want to come back. While I seem to be numb to all other forms of emotion, my heart hurts. It feels like it's going to explode. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I've pretended to be happy, but it's not working. I have no one to talk to, so I'm left to dwell on these thoughts by myself, and that's always dangerous. I just wish I had a clue. I wish I knew how it would end. I like Thomas, I love Nate, but it just wasn't clicking anymore. I was comfortable, and right now, nothing in my world is familiar to me. For the past few days, I have been unable to do much of anything except cry, and that's not the way I want it to be. I just don't know.

She never slows down
She doesn't know why, but she knows that when she's all alone
It feels like it's all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and
She fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

So stand in the rain, stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain, you won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering, "If she stands, she'll fall down."
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from
She wants to give up and lie down.