And here I am again. I find myself in this place far too often than I should. That point in my life where absolutely everything that can go wrong does. It's the worst feeling in the world, by far. I'd like to say that I have a lot of friends, but I don't. There are the few that have stuck with me, and then the rest of them are two-faced. They're friendly to your face, but they stab you in the back when you're not looking. I've gotten used to that. I haven't, and will never, get used to my best friends hating me. But the part that gets me every time I think about it is this: It's 100% deserved. They're right. I'm a hypocrite and I've broken my own boundaries time and time again. When I told Holly first, it was because I knew they'd be disappointed in me, and that's another thing I didn't need. I deserve to be pushed away because I've done the same to them to spend more time with Nate, but at the same time, we've tried so many times to get together, but someone always can't. So how did that all end up to be my fault? One thing I disagree with, however, is that all I need is attention from boys. Nate and Will. Nate is my boyfriend, first of all. That shouldn't be surprising to know that I tell him everything. And Will. Will is a completely different story. "I'll be there for you. These five words I swear to you." You both know that's my motto, so why does it shock you when I help him when he needs it? But that's not me needing attention from him. Not in the least. You don't understand half of that situation; I don't even understand sometimes. But when he calls me because he was kicked out and has to sleep in the park again, what do you want me to say to that? I will never do that to him. You know that when you need anything, I always offer you my house. Erin, when your mom is driving you nuts. Grace, when you couldn't stand to speak to your mother because you were so angry.

For Grace:
You said to me tonight that I was a hypocrite for setting boundaries and then breaking them. I thought about it for a while, and I'll agree. I am. I'm am hypocrital at its best. But then I thought of you. You're doing the exact same thing. You set boundaries for yourself for your relationships. Your most important one was that any guy you dated would have to be a Christian. Are you not breaking that right now? And his drinking. Okay, he had a bad week. When I have a bad week, I write about it in here, and I don't drive anyone anywhere. Grace, that bothers me. In the past, you've always wanted to know my opinion, and there it is. I don't like it. I'm sorry if you think that I'm completely against you, because I'm not. Like you said tonight, I'm just worried about you.

No matter what happens between the two of you, he never wants to see you hurting. He cares, Abby, and he always has. Sometimes he just had to hide it. I need you to know that. He never left you. His heart broke when yours did. He keeps tabs on you; wondering what you're doing, how life is treating you. He's curious. He's curious because he cares about you. He has a funny way of showing it. So don't be angry with him. At least try. I know that you have every right to, but it wouldn't be fair. You two have something that not many people do. You've been through good times together, and you've been through crap because of each other. But through all of that, you've got something. You've got the kind of relationship that is loyal. No matter how mad you are, you care about him. No matter how stubborn you're being, he always cares about you. I hate to see you two like this because I'm tied to both sides. If anything would happen to you, he would be the first one by your side. And I know that you're the same way. So please don't let this go. I promise you, it's going to be okay. The two of you, you're going to be okay.