So here we are again. Once again, I come out on the bottom. And I feel like I should just be used to this by now. The whole heart break thing. By now, I should be the queen of it all. I guess it hurts so much because of last night when we talked.. he told me I didn't have to worry about anything. Bull shit. I just.. don't even know where to start. My mind is spinning in so many directions, I don't even feel anything. I'm just crying because that's the only way I can feel anything. And I try to talk to Jordan about it because he's been there for me my entire life.. and he's so different now. He doesn't even care. He's just.. going on about his now-perfect life. He'd never say that. I just don't understand.

XDeathbyBladeX: gl with your stuff

And Erin and Grace and Emily.. they all have their boys and are as happy as can be. Aaron told me he'd always be there for me to talk to when something was wrong.. but I feel like it's not true. I know it's not.

And I've just got no one.

Don't give up on me.

I feel like this applies to life right now. Everything's crazy now. Today really wasn't so bad until I found that comment. I guess that hurt more than anything.. because I think that it shakes the trust that I had in him. And what I thought was significant wasn't.. at all. I wish I could change the way things are right now. Obviously, I can't. She wins, hands down. He chose her over me.. and that hurts like hell. I tried to hide it from them both, but I guess she found out. I don't want him to think I'm some emotional girl. I want him to think that I'm stronger than it all, that I can deal with whatever comes my way. But in all honesty, I'm no stronger than the next girl. Maybe not even that. Weaker. I don't know.. there are so many thoughts swirling around my head right now, it's like some big jumbled mess. I can't get over the fact that two weeks ago, everything was great. And now.. it all fell apart. Maybe I just can't comprehend how he can just go back to what he's used to.. to what's easy. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's doing it for all the right reasons. But who knows. There's one person that I need to be here for me right now.. and he's not. I talked to him a time or two, but that's not what I need. I need him to know that something isn't right with me and that I need someone to just hold me. But I have to tell him, or Anna does. And even if he did realize it, could he even act on it, could he even make me feel better? Or would he be shady because of the relationship that we have? Maybe I'm just such a mess right now that I shouldn't even be communicating with the outside world. Because I feel like I'm just bringing people down because I'm upset over something that shouldn't have this big of an effect on me. I feel so lost, like I have nowhere to turn. Which scares me.. a lot.. because I know that I have my friends here for me.. so why isn't that good enough? Why do I need something more? Am I really starving for attention? Begging for comforting from those who don't care even though I'm surrounded by those who do? What's wrong with me..

Don't give up on me tonight
We've come this far, we've made good time
And all the light of the world is somewhere else
We drove all night in this old car
The morning light the faded stars
And every day I find I'm someone else
But every day I get closer to myself
And the more I make it better
The more I find I don't know
You can ride it to forever
Go as far as you can see
But don't give up on me
Don't give up on me
You can drive it to wherever
Do whatever makes you free
But don't give up on me
Don't give up on me
I got around, I shot off course
And what I found was here before
And all the time was time that I just spent
But every day I get closer to myself
And the more I make it better
The more I find I don't know
You can ride it to forever
Go as far as you can see
But don't give up on me
Don't give up on me
You can drive it to wherever
Do whatever makes you free
But don't give up on me
Don't give up on me