this may be my last post for a few days.. i leave for east coast in the morning. mixed feelings on that.. i feel like if i don't die while i'm there, i will come back in like, the best shape i've ever been in and a total hockey beast.. now, i do realize that both of the above listed (dead and hockey beast) are rather sizeable exaggerations. but it wasn't real up until today when i started packing.. and then i realized that i had next to nothing of what i needed.. so later on tonight, i'm making a few runs to get mesh shorts (so much better than those freaking soffe cotton ones), beaters (sp?), more sports bras, socks, snacks, cameras, a notebook (apparently this camp also focuses on the mental aspect of the game, which is pretty cool), sunscreen, bug spray (like lindsay, i hate bugs), icy-hot (for my entire body which will be sore), and a water bottle.. so that's my shopping list. i'm heading over there after the movie with grace. we haven't had a sorbet night in a while and with my rather depressed mood lately, we decided tonight would be perfect (and we threw into consideration that she may never see me again.. once again, an exaggeration). so we're going to see must love dogs which looked really cute.. and of course, we'll down some sorbet (i can eat TWO :-P) and remember to bring spoons (hopefully). but right now, while evan is taking his nap, i need to get in the shower, finish the laundry, clean the bathroom, and put all my clothes in a bag, not just on my floor :)

and i did some thinking today.. if i have the money and the means, why wait until 2007? heck, i could go right now. :) anyone up for an au-dessus la mer road trip?

i may post again tonight after the movies, but it may be late till i get home.. so if not, i'll talk to you all thursday. love you.

tonight was a good time.. olive garden, cold stone, starbucks, mini golfing, then to the future ahd sight.. nice place. and.. i drove the car. haha only like 100 yards, but i was so proud of myself, i didn't kill anyone. heck yes. i will be an awesome driver. :)

paris -- summer of 2007 and 2008. sweet. it'll be so nice to get out of here.

I'll close my eyes and sleep to the sound of London rain

first of all, happy birthday, lindsay. here's to fifteen.

second of all.. i love this song.

I’m coming, I’m coming home to you
I’m alive, I’m a mess
I can’t wait to get home to you
To get warm and undressed

There’ve been changes beyond my dreams
Everybody wants me to sing
There’ve been changes beyond my grasp
Things I’m sinking in

So keep me, keep me in your bed all day, all day
Nothing heals me like you do
Nothing heals me like you do

And when somebody knows you well
Well, there’s no comfort like that
And when somebody needs you
Well, there’s no drug like that

So keep me, keep me in your bed all day, all day
Nothing heals me like you do
Nothing heals me like you do

And when I’m home, curled in your arms
And I’m safe again
I’ll close my eyes and sleep, sleep
To the sound of London rain

So keep me, keep me in your bed all day, all day
Nothing heals me like you do
So keep me, keep me in your bed all day, all day
Nothing heals me like you do
Nothing heals me like you do

Nothing falls like London rain
Nothing heals me like you do
Nothing falls like London rain
Nothing heals me like you do
Nothing falls like London rain
Nothing heals me like you do
Nothing falls like London rain
Nothing heals me like you do

you say i only hear what i want to.

the roach's came over tonight.. kristin and i made pannenkoekens for our familes.. ham and cheese or strawberry. mmm :) pat had to eat and run.. off to basketball open gym, but the rest of us took our good 'ol time. then sarah made the dessert that kristin and i picked out.. chocolate fudge cake.. tres bon! with ice cream and strawberries.. mmmm. haha then mr. roach took me and kristin for a ride in the convertible.. past austin's house, of course.. twice. haha tonight was a blast. even when we realized we had no eggs :) haha.. that was a trip down memory lane

on another note.. i've been in a pretty bad mood lately and for some, that doesn't show signs of slacking off any time soon. i don't really know why.. i don't really have a reason. well, i guess there are reasons, but not many are good. so i'm apologizing ahead of time for the jerk-ness that might come out of me in the next few days.

i leave for east coast sunday morning.. i'll be back thursday night. and friday.. undecided.

You say I only hear what I want to.
You say I talk so all the time so.
And I thought what I felt was simple,
and I thought that I don't belong,
and now that I am leaving,
now I know that I did something wrong
'cause I missed you.
Yeah yeah, I missed you.
And you say I only hear what I want to.
I don't listen hard,
don't pay attention to the distance that you're running to anyone, anywhere,
I don't understand if you really care,
I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no.
So I turned the radio on,
I turned the radio up,
and this woman was singing my song:
lover's in love, and the other's run away,
lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay.
Some of us hover when we weep for the other
who was dying since the day they were born.
Well, well, this is not that; I think that I'm throwing,
but I'm thrown.
And I thought I'd live forever,
but now I'm not so sure.
You try to tell me that I'm clever,
but that won't take me anyhow,
or anywhere with you.
You said that I was naive,
and I thought that I was strong.
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong,
'cause I missed you.
Yeah, I miss you.
You said, "I caught you 'cause I want you and one day I'll let you go."
You try to give away a keeper,
or keep me 'cause you know you're just scared to lose.
And you say, "Stay."
And you say I only hear what I want to.

i'm fine. i don't need your pity, i can make it on my own.

last night was a long one. as i continually relate my own life to the latest episode of dawson's creek, i find the more i want. and that sucks. it really does. i wrote a rather long and morose entry for last night, but decided it would be better left unread. i wouldn't dare risk being exposed here. or ya know, being shallow. (twice in the past week)

so matt's mad at me. yippee-doo-dah-day. i'm sorry, but you got angry with me for two reasons, both of which don't float very well: 1) i wouldn't tell you who i liked and 2) i wouldn't believe you about a certain someone. sorry, but does that give you the right to be angry with me? ah, whatever.

today--work. boring. i found a book.. 500 earrings (how creative, i know) and i decided that i'm going to do a display by making some of the earrings in the book to be sold. sweet. starting with a pair for myself..

and i decided what i want for my birthday. i'm going to re-do my room. i'm going to move all my clothes into my closet, move my keyboard into the nether regions of my closet, get rid of my dressers, get a new desk, finish painting, do a picture display, get some bean-bags or fun stuff for my floor and just have a butt-load of floor space in my room. i'm going to paint picture frames on my wall in the 3 colors and blow up pictures in black and white to hang on there.. i'll dismantle my bed so it'll just be the matress and hang cork-board over my bed with the rest of my pictures.. more corkboard on the left wall (painted my colors, of course) with all my jewelry hung on it.. and outlined with (go ahead and guess) more pictures. i'll put my tv on the new night table i'm going to get.. and this laptop, who knows where. but it'll be freakin' awesome. so for my birthday: $$ or head to my pottery barn wish list :) lol or of course, anything you want, haha.

tonight--probably nothing.
tomorrow--dinner night with the roaches (schwing) and possibly lindsay's?

haha parent's are horrible at keeping surprises :)

hold me in your arms tonight..

got a nice phone call last night :) hope you're having fun in that magical place, haha

today -- went to the bead shop and labeled new beads.. all day. very tedious, but i got it all done today, so maybe tomorrow i can get paid to make things :) today i picked out this freaking gorgeous strand of blue quartz and told sarah that i wanted to buy it.. then i looked at the price tag on that sucker: $150. wow, so yeah, put that back. then right before i left sarah's like, oh by the way, you get it for $10. so i got it and made this fun chunky necklace out of it that i plan on wearing tomorrow..

thursday--dinner night at the roach's?
friday--lindsay's (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!)

so i realized that i'm a very jealous person. hmph.

It felt like spring time on this February morning
In the courtyard birds were singing your praise
I'm still recalling things you said to make me feel alright
I carried them with me today
Now

As I lay me down to sleep
This I pray
That you will hold me dear
Though I'm far away
I'll whisper your name into the sky
And I will wake up happy
I wonder why I feel so high
Though I am not above the sorrow
Heavy hearted
Till you call my name
And it sounds like church bells
Or the whistle of a train
On a summer evening
I'll run to meet you
Barefoot, barely breathing

It's not too near for me
Like a flower I need the rain
Though it's not clear to me
Every season has its change
And I will see you
When the sun comes out again

sooooo.. brace is here, haha. and we watched dawson's preek (freaking good show today). then we had lunch.. and now we're here being retarded, as usual.

"i'm going to say something."

so tonight--baseball game, yay fun. in newville (hick county).. at 5:30, then maybe something yummy for dinner? hmm.. perhaps.

alright, 'tis all for now. ciao.

'it bothers me when i can't do things.'
'you can't have children, does that bother you?'

haha i am the good luck charm for hand-and-foot.. that's right, undefeated, thank you. happy birthday, brett.

today, church then kyle's party was at 3.. that was a good time. lots of time in the pool with meg.. i learned how to do a flip-turn! i was so proud of myself! schwing.. then cake and grape chicken salad (a specialty) and fruit, etc..

'i'm better at you than field hockey.'
'i'm better at you than speaking.'
-el, you suck. but i totally got you wet :)

tomorrow.. grace is coming over in the morning and we'll do a dawson day.. and evan can spend time with his 'nice brace' and everyone will be happy, haha.

just ordered my stick. sweet. :)

stuck inside eternal mystery.

so i haven’t written anything in here for a day or two. thursday night, i went running with mandy. that was pretty sad. i could hardly hit the ball (my hand is bruised now, thankyouverymuch). right before i came, we ate dinner at the milton (i love that place), and i didn’t stretch before i ran.. oh. my. gosh. i thought i was going to puke. remind me not to do that again. ‘just wait until you get back into the swing of things. then you’ll be kicking my butt as usual.’ i’m back.

yesterday.. i worked till 5 (PAY DAY), fixed erin’s necklace, made a fun one for myself, then did some running around. then i went to mere’s party at 7 and decorated the deck (how fun).. i spent a lot of time with megan, jestine, jeremy, and kevin when they got there.. i haven’t seen them all summer, so that was nice :) jestine had to leave early to go to a barbeque at the rutz’s.. but i forgave her ;) haha me and megan grunted.. then i got stuck in a tree (tree hugger).. and abby after!

‘megan after.’
‘no, you’re before’
‘abby before.’
‘no, i’m abby after. dash after. that’s me. you’re dash before. megan before.’
‘oh my gosh, i’ve been living a lie!’ haha, that was hilarious

anyways.. kevin tried leaving 3 times.. 3 hugs all around.. however, good call on the impala in the dark.. and i think it would be hilarious if you would’ve opened rachel’s car.. :) and jeremy.. oh, funny guy.. who sucks at pictionary. me and erin kicked the crap out of him and megan. at the end of the night, i ended up by myself on the hammock, it was kind of nice, i did some thinking, and i’m going to tell you about it now. i know some of you are mad at me right now, and i really don’t understand it. last night there were a bunch of people there that i haven’t seen the entire summer, so i spent some time with them, i’m sorry if you think that is some sort of horrible thing. i really don’t know what to tell you. i’d say i was sorry, but i’m really not, i had a good time. the ones i didn’t spend as much time with last night are the ones i love the most.. i figured since i see you all the time and we always are hanging out, i could talk to other people for the evening. i’m sorry if that offended you.

off that subject, i’m annoyed. tonight is brett’s party and jestine called me like.. half an hour ago asking me to go to hershey park with her.. and possibly the rutz’s.. so enter super selfish teenage girl and you’ve got a slightly miserable evening.

;ajfsavnupahf JHPASHF ASJHPUWAHTR NP aksjfh auh ajsknfuia <– my frusteration, sorry.

"and as much as your kind heart's telling you to keep trying and not give up, life isn't like the movies."

"sometimes you need to stop wasting precious time on this earth with certain people. eventually relationships have to end, at least most."

the first is for my lovely grace murtoff. and the second is for my lovely erin lehman. oh, i lubby you both. <3

and the pictures for tomorrow will be dedicated to meredith and brett.. the birthday kids (even though it's not meredith's birthday.. her party will be bangin').

i'm not supposed to be scared of anything

alllright, well this post is really for wednesday.. but since it's like 1 o'clock, it'll show up for thursday. now, i would also like to sing, happy birthday to you / happy birthday to you / happy birthday dear erin / happy birthday to you.. here's to fifteen. i hope you enjoy that birthday lettuce. haha, so tonight was frickin' awesome. i went to the bead shop and made erin a necklace, grace a pair of earring, and myself a necklace and matching earrings.. sweet. then the 3 of us met up here around 4:45, then we were out the door by 5:15 (thanks for the skirt, erin.. haha). we stopped at arby's for lunch where erin got her birthday lettuce (so special) and grace rang the bell ('ring the bell, just wait till i'm out the door'). so we were back on the road again and while stuck in traffic, erin sees spike boy (along with bun girl.. like our code names?) and we also see tri-tail man. erin thought that spike boy had to be going to the concert because no one in their right mind does their hair like that for every day living.. i told her she was crazy. so we get to hershey and pick up our tickets and go to the little security place, and they tell grace she can't take her camera in.. so of course, me, erin, and sarah were already through the gate and they wouldn't let us leave, so grace had to run to this 'will call' window to check in her camera for a whopping $2 (which is still retarded).. she gets to the window and they tell her to go to a different like.. so like 10 minutes later, she's back in and we walk in. we head up front and try to get as close as we can.. we're standing there listening to this band, no address.. they were pretty good.. when we spy none other than spike boy and bun girl.. haha erin was right. then all of a sudden grace goes (brianne, proceed with caution!), 'there's jake!' (i was amazed at the fact that she found this short kid in a humongous crowd.. madd props to grace) so i look to try and find him, and of course, my gaze falls upon the most beautiful creature in the whole entire world: austin rutz. haha so grace and i start squealing like giddy little school girls while pregnant lady stares at us, then lights a cigareete. so all through the first 3 bands (no address, breaking benjamin-i was impressed. not bad.-and staind) grace and i were gazing in the forward direction. during a breaking benjamin song, austin turned around, saw me, smiled, and waved.. -sigh- that was nice :) haha so i waved back, pretending to be surprised to see him. aj, tim ganoe, rosborough, jake, and later tim corby were all there.. niiice. haha so by the time 3 doors down is supposed to come out, we've been standing for 2 and a half hours.. grace is dying from smoke inhalation.. one person has passed out.. sarah's been hit on by nipple man.. watermelon woman and her fedsex man (mr. and mrs. boobs) have rubbed boobs with us.. and mosh man has tried unsuccessfully several time to try and start a mosh pit.. oh, and need i mention that it was like a thousand degrees outside? so we were sweating like pigs. anyways, 3 doors down comes on, and i find myself standing right behind austin rutz (not a bad place to be).. and while they are wowing us with their amazing talent, erin's ear almost gets ripped off, her necklace breaks, i almost get sucked into a mosh pit, a guy people-surfing falls on top of us.. nipple man passes out.. drunk dude has made his way to the front.. mr. and mrs. boobs have left.. and 'no, i'm not doing it'. aww, how sweet. i love that kid. :) oh, right, while we were standing there waiting for 3 doors down to start, or maybe it was right at the beginning, i glimpsed over to look at oh-gorgeous-one and you know what he's doing? taking his freaking shirt off. i swear, my jaw dropped to the ground.. sarah laughed at me. oh, man. :-D definitely made standing outside in the heat for hours worth it. so they band was absolutely amazing.. wonderful.. magnificent.. vunderbar.. -sigh- it was the best night. grace cried when the played 'here without you'.. with very good reason. on the way out, we stopped at picked jason up his stickers.. went to sheetz and got smoothies (grace got the big 32-ouncer) and munchies.. then sang our hearts out with kelly clarkson all the way home. oh, and did i mention we were flashed? oh, yes lovely. her claim to fame: i showed my boobs to 3 doors down. congratulations.

ahh, i love summer.. and i love my two girls.. and i love this song (opinion shared with none other than austin). have a good one.

i'm not supposed to be scared of anything
but i don't know where i am
i wish that i could move but i'm exhausted
and nobody understands how i feel
i'm trying hard to breathe now
but there's no air in my lungs
there's no one here to talk to
and the pain inside is making me numb

try to hold this under control
you can't help me, 'cause no one knows
now i'm goin' through changes, changes, changes
god, i feel so frusterated lately
when i get suffocated, save me
now i'm goin' through changes, changes, changes

feelin' weak and weary
walkin' through this world alone
everything they say, every word of it
cuts me to the bone, and i bleed
i've got something to say
but now i've got nowhere to turn
it feels like i've been buried
underneath all the weight of the world

i try to hold this under control
you can't help me 'cause no one knows
now i'm goin' through changes, changes, changes
god, i feel so frusterated lately
when i get suffocated, save me
now i'm goin' through changes, changes, changes

i'm blind and shakin', bound and breakin'
i hope i'll make it through all these changes
now i'm goin' through changes, changes, changes
god, i feel so frusterated lately
when i get suffocated, save me
now i'm falling apart, now i feel it

but i'm going through changes, changes, changes
god, i feel so frusterated lately
and i get suffocated it, i hate this
but i'm goin' through changes, changes, changes

oh, how i love tom cruise :)

^the smile.. it just kills me! oh, man..

alright, so i most definitely have a little tom cruise on the brain, but what's to be expected after watching jerry mcguire? oh, man. good times today, ladies. tyler came down at just the wrong moment.. that would be why it's rated 'rrrrrrrrrr you ready to go upstairs?' haha and meredith's commercial ramblings.. even from the bathroom. hmm.. 'are jake and jack spelled the same way? wait, jake it j-a-c-k, right?' oh, meredith.. you're sprouting more blonde hairs. grace and i almost killed her :) she needs to learn to cut the chit-chat during the important parts, haha.. then she ruined my xanga, so for all you who read this, from now on, checking it will be irrelevant.. i'd shut it down if i could, but i'm not even allowed to do that. so back to coffeebeaner23, it is. thank you, meredith. :) haha i made pancakes for breakfast.. they were quite yummy.. then chicken and veggies for lunch.. then macaroni and cheese. man, we ate like pigs. lol grace's sentences on the refrigerator.. oh tres interesante. lol quite funny.. we took a butt load of pictures of tom cruise. yes, folks, we paused and took pictures, haha.. with us in a few of them. oh, they should turn out very well. he's so pretty, and that smile is to die for. *swoons* haha sorry for jumping around a bit. so they left around 4:30 ('i think my dad's here') then i cleaned a little.. when my mom showed up we went to rtw (haha the 3).. i got a yellow shirt (it's freakin' awesome), a jean skirt, a photo album, a table for in my room, a 'paris' doobob for my room, a photo album and some things for my very lovely erin who will be turning *15* tomorrow. :-D oh, how she's growing up, haha. tomorrow morning, i may go running with mandy? then head over to the bead shop and hang out there for a while.. then back home by 4:30 to meet up with grace and erin before the 3 doors down concert. i'm so excited. freaking yes. schwing.. yay, this is me, very excited: :-DDDDDDDDD haha or with a whole bunch of double chins. alright, well, aunt michelle got back 2 days ago, so i'm going to give her a call.. i'll talk to y'all later.. bye!

sleep in all day, stayin up all night

so mere and grace are overtaking this blog post. this morning abby made pancakes and mere had a few blonde hairs pop up! lol and now abby's taking a shower and mere and i are chillaxing and then (hopefully) gettin this party started with a lil tom cruise marathon! excuse our drooling and/or swooning, but i must be off!
~mere, abby and grace

i think i'm breaking out, i'm gonna leave you now.

today was fun.. i woke up at 7:30, grace came over around 8. we sat and watched jessica simpson be a whore on tv.. that was interesting. at 9, we watched the very first episode of dawson's creek.. ever. then from 10-12, we watched the usual showing. then after that, we put evan in bed and watched 2 more of the oldie but goodie's. haha evan is in love with grace and loves to jump on her and play trains with her and call her 'brace'.. haha that was a good time. then she left at 2, and lindsay called at 2:15 and asked me to go swimming with her.. so she came and picked me up and we played volleyball with jordie and greg in the pool for 2 hours. eww, too many big bugs. bleck. and we screamed like idiots when a butterfly came our way. hmm, you think me and lindsay aren't big fans of bugs? and maddie.. oh geez.. she dunked me then pooled me up by my hair.. haha that kinda hurt. but it was a good time. then i came home at 5, made dinner, and now i'm sitting here doing the usual.. playing spider solitaire. i beat my record: it's not 8 wins in a row with a win rate of 75%.. haha heck yes. i'm addicted to that game. oh, when i came home with lindsay we passed the now rutz residence.. and he was there. *gasp* i had a sudden urge to go for a run.. which i really should have done, but, of course, i didn't, haha.. maybe tomorrow night. :) ahh, he's beautiful.

homecoming match-making queen is already starting her rounds.. watch out, haha. oh, lindsay.

tomorrow--(finally) our tom cruise night (or day).. heading over to mere's at like 8.. maybe we'll make a gourmet breakfast again? we shall see.. then dawson from 10-12.. then jerry maguire and mission impossible.. sweet. in the ladder, tom cruise takes his shirt off.. meredith informed me of that :) haha can't wait. always a good time to be had down in mere's basement.. i haven't decided what i'm bringing, though. brownies? cherry cobbler? mac and cheese? pancakes? (haha the last two are jokes) then i'm with my mom. wednesday: the girls are coming over around 4:30, then off to the 3 doors down concert.. sweet.. jason might come, too. perhaps a pitt stop at the cafe? i hope. then they're spending the night.. it'll be a good time. can't wait. :)

you are everything

in honor of the coolest guy i know: dave smith

"I don't usually do this, but I felt compelled to tell you. You have an absolutely breathtaking hiney. I mean that baby's good. I want to be friends with it."

so i have a couple weeks to memorize that movie. haha, i don't think i can do it, but i will try. :) have fun in florida!

tonight: tara's party till 10ish? yeah, i'll be hanging out with the thomas'.. it'll be a good time.

follow me there, a beautiful somewhere, a place that i can share with you.

freakin' a. i just had my whole entry written then i did something and it disappeared.. ctrl + z wouldn't even bring it back. gah.

anyways.. i was saying that i went to harrisburg tonight with the familia. we had dinner and just hung out.. then we stopped at bruster's.. haha no, we just couldn't go to cold stone even though we were in town.. we had to go to bruster's. how boring.

so my schedule for the rest of summer:

tomorrow .. maybe church, then tara's party
monday .. grace is coming over to watch 570 minutes of dawson's creek.. haha that's after we watch the 10-12 shows, haha
tuesday .. probably work
wednesday .. probably work, then the 3 doors down concert with erin and grace and sarah.. sweet. which shirt did you say i should wear, grace? the brown one or the tan one?then those two are probably going to stay over.. and of course, we'll have cake and ice cream for erin's birthday. *15*
thursday .. i'll be sleeping off the night before.. and i may go into work a little late?
friday .. brett's sweet 16, and mere's sweet 16 party.. schwing.
saturday .. work till 3, then something with the gang?
july 31st till august 4th .. east coast with the ladies of hockey <3
august 5th .. kings dominion with the oasis kids. sweet. :)
august 8th .. kelly clarkson concert for mere's birthday.. with kristin, pat, erin, ashley, and ko.. we all must meet up at the cafe <3
august 15th .. hell week begins. oh, joy.

so the three things that i can think of to squeeze in there are 1) my dinner night with kristin and her family, 2) my tom cruise night with meredith and gracie, and 3) my brownie sundae night with mandy. however, that last one may cause a few problems.. that's alright, she can just come over to my house.

hmm.. i'm rather bored. i would call erin and deliver her from insanity at the drive-ins with her parents, but she'll get brain cancer. 'in the holy name of dawson's creek, i shall not talk on the phone past 9!' -- haha, grace, you crack me up. i'd call her, but it's rather late and she doesn't have a cell phone :-P.. kristin has people over at her house.. which includes not only her, but everyone else i would call.. so i'm stuck here not quite pouring my heart out into this little blog, afraid of my immaturity. what did lindsay say once? just laugh. it makes them mad. haha. i'm laughing. because i know if i don't laugh, i'll get angry, and i don't want to. i don't want to get angry, so hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. keep laughing, abby. you just have to keep laughing. i will try. i really will.

it kinda sucks that i screwed things up this badly. potentially to the point that none of us speak to each other again. part of me wanted it to happen, thinking maybe it would fix things if there was just no communication.. that same part of me told me that doing this would make me stronger. the other part of me says that i could have fixed it, that this is just me giving in. running. that's what i do when i get scared, i run. i don't think i know any other way.

'madd props' to those who read this whole thing through.

lubby you all. especially those that helped me through today. thanks. i love you for it.

sometimes / i need someone to say 'you'll be alright' / 'what's on your mind?' / but the water's shallow here / and i am full of fear / and empty-handed after two long years / another sunny day in california / i'm sure back home they'd love to see it / but they don't know that what you love is ripped away / before you get a chance to feel it

just checked my mail.. that's all i'll say about that.

i woke up relatively early this morning and drove up to camp thompson with my mom where i found me and grace's british butler. his name is james and he's beautiful. dark brown hair, bright blue eyes, plays the guitar and has the sexiest british accent i've ever heard. oh man. i was like GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE! oh, baby. haha i was standing there with my mom and she said 'i remember when i was a counselor up here.. we had some guy that thought he could play the guitar too. he was really annoying.' then this guy said 'hey, tyler' and i said to my mom, 'oh my goodness. does guitar guy have a hott accent?' 'mhmmm.' 'maybe camp wouldn't be so bad. i think i could deal with the weeds and bugs for a week.' haha it was amusing.

i need to get out and away from here. i can't wait to go to camp, i don't have deal with all this drama for almost an entire week.. how exciting. or november 4th needs to get here a little quicker.. or maybe we can fast forward to next june.. when everyone will be graduating. i'll miss elliot.. and rehm.. and stuber.. and kelsey.. and david.. and dave.. and that's about it, i'm no longer lying to myself. but i'm sorry for talking about this, i guess it kind of makes me immature.

haha.

take me away..

Blondie3535: my movie star name: pineapple leo.. fashion designer name: abby paris.. socialite name: lacy new york.. fly girl name: a bea.. detctive name: tiger boiling springs.. barfly name: apple screwdriver.. soap opera name: rebecca liberty.. rock star name: caramel cheetah.. star wars name: abbkei beadav.. punk rock band name: the wild dice
Smilee Barnacle: LMAO lacy

Smilee Barnacle: What was your summer love thing?
Smilee Barnacle: haha
Blondie3535: go with the flow
Smilee Barnacle: hmm same
Blondie3535: that's depressing
Smilee Barnacle: why?
Blondie3535: because it's you
Smilee Barnacle: please
Smilee Barnacle: I'm a passionate kisser
Blondie3535: haha please
Smilee Barnacle: and I'd do good in business
Blondie3535: yippee
Smilee Barnacle: ask around ;-)
Smilee Barnacle: haha
Blondie3535: haha
Blondie3535: hmmm.. i have a 17% chance i'll go to hell
Smilee Barnacle: haha
Smilee Barnacle: mine might be higher than that
Smilee Barnacle: is that how sinful are you?
Blondie3535: i will die a boring death.. while dying, i will be jealous of those who die dramatic deaths.
Smilee Barnacle: Chance You'll Go to Hell: 34%
Smilee Barnacle: You will die at the hands of a jealous lover. How ironic.

Smilee Barnacle: You're like my little freaking sister
Blondie3535: eww, don't curse me like that
Blondie3535: hahaha but that's kind of funny
Blondie3535: you dated your little sister

Smilee Barnacle: freaking jealous lovers
Blondie3535: haha
Smilee Barnacle: get you every time
Blondie3535: i'm tellin ya
Blondie3535: haha
Smilee Barnacle: You don't have any plans to kill me do you?
Blondie3535: haha none
Blondie3535: yet :)

Smilee Barnacle: You need me!
Smilee Barnacle: and don't forget it
Blondie3535: haha riight
Smilee Barnacle: you need oxygen to burn
Smilee Barnacle: without air there is no fire
Smilee Barnacle: without fire there is still air
Blondie3535: yeah yeah
Smilee Barnacle: Say it
Smilee Barnacle: you need me
Smilee Barnacle: haha
Blondie3535: i do not need you
Smilee Barnacle: you most certainly do
Blondie3535: i most certainly do not

oh, she hates me.

so today.. i observed that class and made myself a freaking awesome bracelet. it's purple and chunky and really cool. then i continued to get out all the new stuff and get it ready (read: tubing).. blah. but then i made a cool phone charm for me, then i made my mom one too. that was my day at work. then my mom came and picked me up and i thought we were going home and i'd call grace and my evening would proceed like planned, but no. we went to the hospital. turns out ty's brother was admitted this morning.. he crushed his foot into 4 pieces and can no longer walk.. maybe after a lot of rehab, he'll get fuction back, but not full function. *sigh* so then on the way out of the hospital i asked my mom if grace could come over and she said that she didn't feel like running me anywhere tonight. gaaaaaaaaaah. i was in desperate need of this abby grace night, now i'm stuck at home doing nothing. how enjoyable.

i talked to matt last night.. and erin. they both told me completely different things, and my head is spinning like crazy. i've got this part of me that hears 'you can't do it' or 'you don't have a chance' or 'you shouldn't' and goes into overdrive just trying to prove the person wrong. and another part of me that sees something for the very first time and decides 'that's what i want.. and i'll get it.' and another part that's stubborn and won't give up. but along with those three parts of me, there's common sense that says, 'give up, girl. you don't have this one in the bag, move on.' now it's just a battle between all of me trying to see who will come out on top.. it's just me getting hurt in the process.

i was talking to mandy tonight and i thought it was funny how she's feeling everything i've been feeling for the past year and a half.. and she's so close. it makes me wonder what their world has come to that they're hurting even the people closest to them. in fact, i hope they read this. even if they make no effort to apologize to me or even give me a passing glance, she didn't do anything to deserve your cruelty. so quit being so caught up in yourselves and think about other people for once. every waking moment doesn't need to be spent with each other, there are other people that care about you just as much, just in different ways. and it's disgusting to me that i have to write it in here for you to even notice. aaron, you told me 'i'm already the older brother to two sisters'.. yeah and you don't even have time for them. i understand you can't be there for me, but the least you can do is spend some time with her.

BSsoftball09: and i don't have aaron or kate
BSsoftball09: cuz they're always together and don't seem to care about me anymore
Blondie3535: i'm sure they do
BSsoftball09: it doesn't seem like it anymore

Blondie3535: they'll both realize that you're amazing and that they love you to death BSsoftball09: yeah, only, they didn't seem to care at all this year either
BSsoftball09: i'm just so sick of everything
BSsoftball09: i don't feel like i have anyone anymore

Auto response from BSsoftball09: hmph...>:o
thanks abby!!! i don't know what i'd do without you!!

this thing has been my best and worst friend. tonight, i’m undecided. i want to write down everything that i’m feeling and just let it all go, but i need to hold back, afraid of the hands this might get into.

so, i don’t know. maybe it sucks to lose the guy again. maybe it’s not that bad. i’ll let you know in a while. i guess i just got my expectations too high again.. i really need to stop doing that. after everyone left, i talked to grace. she told me what matt said, which was kind of a slap in the face. i knew it, just didn’t really want to give in that easily. it’s alright, i’ll be okay, there’s always jack.

we watched ‘anchorman’.. perhaps the stupidest movie in the world. dave could have quoted the whole thing if we asked him too.. or sung the whole song.. funny. my dad made us brownies.. they were yummy :) and matt didn’t share the chocolate milk.. and he’s going to paint his room hyper blue. a good time.

it's not okay..

i'd give it up for just one more day with you..

alright, so i give up. what do you want from me??

on a better note, i ordered our tickets tonight.. that's right.. we're going to the 3 doors down concert.. haha the one that jake geary will be attending. no complaints from me or grace, and i doubt from erin either. sarah couldn't care less, but that's to be expected. hmm, tonight, the gang was supposed to come over, BUT erin and grace have to paint the youth room so it's me, dave, allie, and matt.. matt's getting here late, and who knows if dave and allie are even going to show up. we shall see.

haha today was an interesting day. this morning at work, some guy got pulled over in front of the store because his inspection tag had expired in february.. 10 minutes later he was being cuffed and driven away. muy interesante. i just want to know what he was wanted for. then we found this huge bug.. no lie, it was 6 inches long, 3 inches wide.. absolutely huge. it was dead.. or maybe just the outer shell of an even larger bug. ick. ralph picked it up and put it in a bag for tyler to see when he comes home. tomorrow morning, i have to observe a class, then continue the never-ending process of sorting and pricing. so much fun, i must say. totally kidding. alright, well, i'm gonna wait for somebody to show up.. i have faith in my friends, haha :)

see y'all later. xoxo.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

lilmcdee489: i love u too dont die please

--haha, i will try very hard not to. just no more pills for me :)

CLaxSmitty: are you a romantic
Blondie3535: am i a romantic?
Blondie3535: i don't know, i suppose?
CLaxSmitty: yeah
Blondie3535: haha why?
CLaxSmitty: you got the whole dirty dancing icon thing going on

--haha so if that makes me a romantic, guilty. :) i love that movie

lehmane08: so i think before the road trip you and matt go on
Blondie3535: i should make my will?
lehmane08: well that too...
lehmane08: but matt need to take the both of us shopping... king of prussia

--alright, so i wasn't quite thinking along the same lines she was.. but shopping is fine with me.

is this how you wanted it to be?

alright, so i've been doing nothing all day.. and i'll probably continue doing nothing all night. i was supposed to go to mark's baseball game, but i have to watch evan till 6, and they're leaving at 5:30.. so can't go to that. maybe i'll talk sarah into going shopping or something.

tomorrow.. work, then erin's. swimming, s'mores, the usual. with the gang.. me, erin, grace, allie, matt and dave. shall be a good one.

friday.. work, then maybe a movie with my mom early in the day, then grace is coming over to watch <3 dawson <3 and eat <3 sorbet <3, haha. :D so excited, it'll be a great ol' time.

saturday.. maybe a senator's game with grace at night. just relaxing during the day.

sunday.. church, then i can't go to oasis.. tara's birthday party. :( i'll miss you guys, haha.

love,
me

--when's our tom cruise night??--

--when is our dinner night??--

sooo, i don't know. i don't know a lot of things. i don't know why you're still mad at me, i was fine all along. i don't know how you let me be a jerk for so long. i don't know what's left our relationship. i don't know what my chances are. i don't know why it's been such a long time.

but i guess it's okay to not know things. anyways, i hung out with erin and grace today.. and katie showed up a little bit later. we swam, ate ice cream and soft pretzels, i made some kick butt raspberry grape 'martinis', and we talked about boys, haha. go figure.

katie: so tell me about this guy.
erin: he's really nice.
grace: but is he hott, though?

we listened to the wise words of katie whaley... haha and i blow cuter bubbles than grace. :) we're so hott with those goggles on, let me tell ya. ahh, 'twas fun.

tomorrow, i may have to work.. if not, i've got to do some hockey training.. and plan out our thursday schedule.

GrAcE kAtLyN

Hey it's grace and i rule abby's world
I'm so sexy
I love sorbet
My hair color is fading back to my natural brown
You want my body
Just kidding
I'm leaving now
Ciao bebe
Abby + Erin = my heros

grace-purple
erin-green
abby-blue
all-pink

Mr.PeRfEcT...
::height:: taller than me, umm, 5'8". nothing above 6'3". just taller than me.
::younger or older:: older
::by alot or a little:: a little
::hair color:: brown. umm, anything. brown or blonde.
::long or short hair:: in between.
::eye color:: no preference, preferably green. i don't care, pretty ones. same as erin.
::braces:: no
::glasses:: yes, sometimes, not all the time. only if they're cute ones. same as erin.
::contacts:: doesn't matter (but only if they're not color contacts)
::piercings:: no
::tatoos:: christian related. i like tom kaden's tatoo. agreed.
::cuss alot:: no
::smoke:: absolutely not
::drink:: no, but if it's legal, i can tolerate it. preferable not if it's not legal. agreed.
::would he walk you to your door:: after a date or two, because first date you feel like you have to kiss him and it's awkward. heck yes. without a doubt.
::who would do the most talking:: equal. but if he's calling for a date, it should most definitely be him.
::shy or outgoing:: outgoing
::honest:: heck yes
::funny:: yes!

i can hear you breathing and it's keeping me awake..

alright, so another day here in the lehman household. we got up around 10:30, watched dawson's creek, made one heck of a gourmet breakfast/lunch. fried potatoes, scrambled eggs with cheese.. yum. :) and i just called the concert people and made sure they had tickets left.. good news, they do. so after a few days of working in the bead shop, i'll call and order them.. schwing! how freaking awesome will that be! 2 concerts this summer.. so exciting. now we're going to go hop in the pool because it's freaking hot in here. ciao everyone.

lubby you all.
-me and erin

you made me feel alright for once in my life..

so after quite an eventful night at hershey park, i'm back here at erin's. haha she got hit on by this 11 year old kid with a picture of jessica simpson.. we almost puked up our oh-so-chunky smoothies, met this kid that's like 4'3", and ran into aaron alt, jeremy cannon, and cody mell. "hey, i know you from somewhere. but i don't know where." nice. so we walked around for a while.. and then we decided that since we're both going to be home alone tomorrow, we'd just be home along together.. hence the reason that i'm here right now. what did i say earlier? this is my home away from home.

sooooo.. i started writing this like an hour ago.. many things have happened since i started. but i'm good..

or not so much.

sometime this week.. pole's steeple with dave, matt, allie, and erin. then back here for s'mores. fun, fun. if matt can actually show up. thanks, cuz.

lehmane08: she's crazy
lilmcdee489: both of u are but i still love you both

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you..

sooo.. i'm at erin's again.. haha this is becoming my summer home. i went to chris' this morning to swim, then we left around 12:30, now i'm here. we'll be fish and swim till probably 4 or so.. then back to my house by 4:30, then we're off to hershey park. woot. :) we'll be back around 10 or so, so that shall be a good time. over here again on thursday to swim, perhaps watch movies, and make s'mores with the coolest kids in my life, haha.

grace--call my cell.. 226-5811

ciao for now. :*

job 2:11-13

"when job's three friends, eliphaz the temanite, bildad the shuhite and zophar the naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. when they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. then they sat on the ground for seven days and seven nights. no one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was."

thank you, and i'm sorry.

tonight was.. interesting. went to oasis and swam for a while.. me grace and tori hung out for the majority of the time. small groups were nice.. saw! saw! saw! haha then dave brought me home.

i guess it's okay to be surprised. i certainly was tonight. i fell like the biggest jerk of all time right now, but at the exact time i don't want the way i feel about certain things right now to change.

'for what it's worth, i like you more.' haha, nice. :)

no camping this week.. sooo movie night instead. for some reason 2 guys with 3 girls don't mix too well while sleeping in the backyard by a pool.. haha with good reason, of course. on thursday, we'll just do the pool, maybe a movie, s'mores (no burnt hotdogs, thank you very much).. shall be a good time.

tomorrow.. hockey self-training, dawson, maybe erin's? who knows.

love you
me

twenty-three and you're still mad at me..

so this morning, erin left around 8:30ish? something like that.. but i forgot that my clock was half an hour behind schedule, so it said 8, so i hopped in the shower and at 8:30 i started drying my hair when i look out the window and see a whole bunch of people pulling into the church. i'm like, shoot. so, point of story, i didn't go to nine-oh. :( oh well.. i just sat around here for 45 minutes and watched bob the builder with evan, haha. so we went to church and i say in between allie and tori (i am not mean).. good sermon today. then i talked to dave and allie for a sec, then we came home. dad and sarah left to go to a bike race, evan's taking a nap, and tyler's playing with greg. around 3:30, dad and sarah will get home, take tyler up to camp thompson (a week of quiet in the house.. ahhhh..), and i'll stay here. 4:45ish dan's coming to get the volleyballs, then at 5, dave's coming to pick me up and we're off to oasis. that's from either 6 or 6:30 to 8 or 8:30.. either way, it doesn't really matter, dave has to be there early for something.. so that's an extra hour of pool time we have. ;) fun, fun.. more towers. we rock. so that's the plan.. shall be a good time.

grace will be back for junior and senior high, i believe.. haven't seen her ALL WEEKEND! i must tell her about dawson, haha. that'll a well spent 570 minutes, haha. wow. <3

erin's gone all day.. she's berlining it up.. family reunions, always such fun.

kristin and meredith.. enjoy your movies?! i so wish that i could have been there.. kristin, when are we having our dinner night? meredith, tom cruise night?

well, ttfn kids. all my love.

i think of the things i wish i'd said when you were still around..

well, i'm at my house with erin.. we got back from the movie like a half an hour ago. it was a good time, haha. we saw jordan black, jordan holter, brett harris, gabe, caitlin (yes, dan's caitlin), allie, and her whole gang.. then while erin was talking on her phone to emily, in walk mr. and mrs. lefin, haha.. so we watched the movie and i jumped a few times. word to the wise: the hott guys never die. so on the way to the movies, we picked up matt and went to wal-mart. we're one big happy family. :) me, erin, matt, and katie whaley, haha. so.. i let myself down.. and told him and katie. :( i shouldn't have given in. but you PINKY PROMISED! so now we're at my house, talking, listening to music, and eating a butt-load of junk food. no wonder erin's getting so many cavities. i've noticed that's what we do when we get together.. eat :)

'i should call him and tell him to come get his balls. they're in my room.. and doing me absolutely no good.'

'my biggest fear is rejection.'
'ya know how much i'm gonna be rejected next year? i dated dan calaman.'
'you've got a point.'

this is how a heart breaks..

so i'm at erin's.. we're going to eat dinner, then head over to wal-mart with katie whaley.. after that, our movie starts at 7:00.. we're going to be loners because everyone's going to the drive-ins, but i had to be back to watch evan by 10, so we couldn't go. :( how sad. when the movie's over, we're heading back to my house.. probably eat some ice cream, watch my dawson's creek, whatever.

talk to y'all later..

love,
me and erin :)

i was looking for some place to hide..

hey guys.. i'm back. haha i bet the majority of you didn't even know that i was gone. i went down to maryland for a couple days.. it was nice. thursday, we just stayed at home and watched tv.. i read the seventeen magazine that was published the month i was born. it was so retarded.. all the people with the big poofy hair and the gross colors.. yeah, if i'm ever caught in something like that, kill me. friday, i slept in till 11 (maybe it was because i was running on 4 hours of sleep from erin's the night before.. hmm..), so i missed the first episode of dawson, but i watched the 2nd one. then we went shopping.. ran over to best buy and i bought the yellowcard cd (with my gift card that i though had only $15 on it.. turns out, it was $25). then we walked to michael's and i got some picture frames, then we went to (my new favorite store of all time) offbroadway shoes. i was in heaven. it was this huge store filled from top to bottom, side to side with SHOES. it was great.. i got a pair of pink and black chucks.. very cool. then we went home and i took a 4 hour nap (i was very tired).. my mom showed up around 6 and we had tacos for dinner, then we went shopping again. now, our second time at best buy, i was going to get the dave matthews latest cd, so picked it up and went over to where my mom and grandma were standing and they were looking at something--the dawson's creek season one on dvd. i hadn't even seen it earlier! i was like, GAHHHHHHHHHH! so i put the cd back and got that (haha just for gracie), so then we went back to the shoe store (ahhhh..) and i got a pair of mary jane's that are brown and tan checkered.. and the toe and the heel are shiny leather.. and they've got a cute little buckle.. i'm so excited to wear them on sunday (grace, you're going to miss them!).

so that was my weekend.. today, i'm going to clean, maybe something tonight with the girls or oasis kids? i'll see what i can plan. tomorrow, church and oasis.. monday, personal conditioning starts (God, give me the will to do it, please.)

lubby you--
me

ps: oo, it's 11:11, kiss the clock!

joey: do you believe in magic? i never used to. i mean, how could i? 13, your mom dies. you hope against all hope for--for magic, something to make it all better. it never comes, and, you know, you look to your father who's unable to overcome all of his tragic flaws. well, no abracadabra there. and then there's pacey. well, any magic that was there, that ran out, didn't it? but, uh, then there's you. there's proof that someone out there is thinking of me.. my friend who was with me always. it's pure magic.

i'm in such a weird mood right now. once again, feeling more things than a person should feel in one particular moment. hurt, loved, hopeful, surprised, amazed, thoughtful.. all in one moment. it's weird how the human operates. it can still fully function on so many different emotions.. but those different emotions sometimes bring out the best and the worst in people. like me.. right now, i am the happiest that i have been in a while. i still feel hurt, but everything else that has happened couldn't make me happier.

i still can't wait for next week.

<3

i would take a bullet for you.

haha it's 5:30 in the morning.. erin's crashed on her bed, and here i am, wide awake. we were going to try to pull an all-nighter, but she didn't make it too long, haha. while i was watching raising helen she woke up, looked at me and said, 'how's kelly?'.. then she fell right back to sleep. i think she's delirious. not ten minutes later, she woke up again and said, 'i bet.' then went right back to sleep. haha she's funny. tonight was a good night. i finally saw how she was feeling. she's really not all that okay. but that's alright, now she's got a date with chuck to hold her over. i just finished watching say anything. that's still our movie. earlier we made a deal.. we would never watch this movie with a guy unless it was serious.. which won't be for a while.. for either of us.

while on the topic of relationships, she fell asleep, so i can't tell her. :) poor kid. haha by next friday, i'll have told her and we'll plan out our shindig. can't wait. i really can't.

shot me down as i flew by.. crash and burn..

so i'm here at erin's. after volleyball i got a call that said 'do you wanna come over? if you can, get here soon before dave leaves' so i packed my bag in 2 minutes flat, then came over here. dave started a fire, like the eagles scout that he is, and told erin and i how to cook hotdogs.. except for the fact that he made us burn them, haha. leah could have been wasted and it was amusing. he was going to spend the night in the 'guesthouse' but aparently he promised his mom that he'd be home by 11.. he made it.. by going 80 down the 'mount holly highway'.. sooo erin and i made diet coke floats that were very yummy and i haven't quite made a significant dent in the huge bag of tootsie rolls sitting at my feet. we hopped in the pool for a while too.. all while erin is clueless about this guy. :) i'm highly amused, but she's getting frusterated. 'i'm not going to sleep until i figure this out.' i told her she might be awake for a while.

haha i did something pretty funny. some people are so gullible. lol but it was completely innocent, i was talking about myself and NOT erin. :) hehe

soooo.. now it's just us hanging out, watching say anything :) and just.. eating, haha.

see y'all tomorrow.

king: dave
queen: erin

YOUR LIFE
[x] They call me: abby
[x] Also: beam, beamer, goober, tarda, ab, lacey, etc.
[x] Sex: female
[x] My first breath of air: october 16, 1990
[x] Age: 14
[x] Status: single
[x] Occupation: babysitting the cute little child, cleaning, and future bead shop employee
[x] Nationality: american

FAST FORWARD
[x] College planning to go: nyu.. or messiah.. or southeastern.. or wherever dan and i go
[x] Future resident of: new york, california, and massachusettes
[x] Wedding: i really haven't the slightest clue. as of right now, the thought of marriage kind of scares me. but when i do get married, it could be in winter, summer, spring, or fall.. who knows
[x] Children: umm, i have a very low pain tolerance. but i'm assuming i will end up having kids someday.. thank God for drugs :)
[x] Looking forward to: tonight.. volleyball at the park
[x] NOT looking forward to: hockey camp.. or like mere said, the 2006 class graduating

PLAY
[x] Feeling: a little bit of everything
[x] Listening: 'lubby you'
[x] Talking to: grace, dan, and jordan
[x] Doing: playing spider solitaire
[x] Craving: nan's fruit dip
[x] Thinking of: good christian boys and hooters
[x] Hating: hooters

LOVE
[x] Love is: the best thing in the world
[x] First love: you'll never forget it
[x] Current love: haha, the red head. but i wouldn't call it love.
[x] Love or lust?: love.
[x] Best love song: you and me, by lifehouse
[x] Is it possible to be in love w/ more than one person at the same time?: friends, of course. lovers, it's possible, but not right.
[x] When love hurts, you: do exactly what i did this morning.. push people away and try to handle it on my own. and just go crazy..
[x] True or false - all you need is love: true.
[x] Have you ever been in love?: yes
[x] Is there such thing as love at first sight?: yes

THE OPPOSITE SEX
[x] Turn ons: pretty eyes, great smile, abs, and arm muscles
[x] Turn offs: hmm.. unmuscled arms, cockiness, dumbness
[x] Does your parents' opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: of course
[x] What kinda hair style?: depends
[x] The sweetest thing a member of the opposite sex can do for you?: bring me tissues and chicken noodle soup when i'm sick, bring me daisies for no reason, and bring me coffee early in the morning and talk with me on the front porch
[x] Where do you go to meet new people?: school, youth group, and wherever else i happen to be
[x] Are you the type of person to holler and ask for numbers?: not quite

PICKY PICKY
[x] dog or cat: either
[x] short or long hair: in between
[x] innie or outie: innie
[x] sunshine or rain: depends on my mood
[x] moon or sun: depends on my mood
[x] basketball or football: well, considering they're in 2 different seasons, i don't see a reason to choose
[x] Righty or lefty: either
[x] Hugs or kisses: kissed
[x] 1 best friend or 10 acquaintances: one best friend
[x] Boyfriend or best friend: best friend
[x] tv or radio: from 10am-12pm on weekdays, tv.. any other time, radio.
[x] Starbucks or jamba juice: starbucks
[x] Mc Donald's or burger king: neither
[x] Summer or winter: summer
[x] Written letters or e-mails: written letters
[x] Play station or Nintendo: play station
[x] Disney or nickelodeon: disney
[x] Car or motorcycles: car
[x] House party or club: either
[x] Sing or dance: dance because i cannot sing to save my life
[x] Yahoo messenger, msn messenger, or aim: aim
[x] Google or ask jeeves?: google

MISCELLANEOUS
[x] Can you swim?: yes.. i'm a fish
[x] What is your most embarrassing moment?: well, i'll give you my most recent.. i spit all over kristin's dog. loong story, haha.
[x] What are you scared of?: not being able to breathe
[x] What is your greatest accomplishment?: student of the year, 6th grace at bethel
[x] What kinda roof is over your head?: umm.. a black one that keeps out the snow and rain?
[x] Do you like tomatoes?: no
[x] How many TVs in the house?: 5
[x] How many phones?: 3
[x] How many residents?: 5
[x] How many DVDs do you have?: haha, like 10
[x] Last dentist visit: may
[x] Last doctor visit: if mr. widder counts as a doctor, the last day of school.
[x] last phone call: a while ago to sarah

"You never close your eyes anymore when i kiss your liihiipps, and there's no tenderness like before in your finger tiiiiiiipps. You're trying hard not to show it, baby, but BABY, BABY i know it! You've lost that lovin' feelin', woah that lovin' feelin'. You lost that LLOVINN' feelin' now it's gone, gone gone wooaaauuuuhhh (i might as well keep going) oooo, uuuuooo, duudo dudoo, Baby i get on my knees for you, if you would only LOVE ME like ya use ta dooooooo. We had a love(clap,clap) a love (clap,clap) a love ya don't find everydayyyy, so don't(clap,clap) don't(clap clap) don't let it slip away, i'm saying BABY, baby, BABY, bbbaaaabby, (i'm begging you please) I'M begging you pleeaasse, i need your (i need your love) I need you looooave, so bring on back(bring it on back) now bring it on back, you've got to bring back that lovin' feelin', woah that lovin' feelin', bring back that lovin' feelin' cause it's gone gone gone, and i can't go one woooaahuooo."

--it's been too long, haha--

bravesbabie810: dude, shut up and tell me.
bravesbabie810: yes, that was an oxymoron.
CoffeeBeaner68: you just used the word oxymoron. what has the world come to?bravesbabie810: LOL i'm not DUMB!!!
CoffeeBeaner68: haha
bravesbabie810: k maybe i am..

here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

dear keeper of my memories,

this is something that i probably should have done awhile ago. in fact, i did. i wrote these letters, but i kept them to myself. this time, i need for you to read it.

it's been a while since i've talked to you. i mean, we've talked, but it hasn't been real. no more than the usual 'hi, how are you? fine, thanks' kind of conversations. that's never been what i've wanted out of you. you know that.

so what's happened to me since we last spoke. i've grown up. i've realized several things. one is that love doesn't happen in a day. maybe not even in a week or a month. it takes time to find it. and out of all the things i've learned in my life, i think that's the most important. but there are two kinds of love. there's the kind that friends have. eternal friends. it's when you're fighting but you still care about the other person. it's when they're hurting, you do everything in your power to make them feel better. you are always there, no matter what happens. through trials and tribulations, your friendship will never change. ever. and then there is the kind of love that gives you butterflies. everytime you see them you can't help but think you are the luckiest person alive. you couldn't have asked God for anyone better. you're ready to spend the rest of your life with this person by your side.

i only ever wanted the first kind. and you said you'd be there, and i thank you for that, but when it came down to it, you weren't. you were too busy, or you didn't think it would fit into your schedule, or i just couldn't talk to you. and i had so much faith that you could help me through the things i struggled with. in the past week, my family has come dangerously close to falling to pieces, i healed a broken friendship, i've helped other people through difficulties, i've been loved and i've been hated. and just like everyone else, sometimes i need help. sometimes i don't know what to say, i don't know what to do. but i've realized that i don't need an older brother to help me through it all. i have all of my friends.. and we share that first kind of love. yes, i may not be thankful for them when i'm having my days, but inside, i don't know what i would do without them.

so i guess this is a letter to myself.. that you needed to read. this is me letting go way too late. but better late than never, right?

i guess that's everything. here's to you and me and all the memories you've given me. i'll remember them, but i just can't hold on and expect the world from you any longer.

thank you.

yours,
abby

my weakness is that i care too much.

this is insane. absolutely insane. but i'm here for both of you whenever you need me. i know that the 4 of us have been up and down on some stupid roller coaster, but now that everything's okay, i'll be there. promise.

happy 4th of july, everyone!

today was a long day. i swam for about 6 hours straight, stopping only to eat fruit. we went over to ralph and chris’ around noon and i swam till 4.. haha, elliot had the hardest time trying to get on that stupid inflatable fish.. it was really funny considering he couldn’t stay on using the ladder and i could get on just by jumping.. then i got out and sat in the ‘lounge area’ of their backyard.. read: a small square with 3 chairs and lots of inch long ants (no joke. until elliot killed them all with my spoon.)

‘i remember when you were into the ninja turtles and they had to be taken away because they were affecting your attitude.’ :) haha, that’s great.

then we left for grammy’s house where i swam with brett, mark, and karly for a while, then me and brett got out and owned grammy in sarah in hand-and-foot. we rock. we left her house around 8:30 and drove to harrisburg to see the fireworks.. we got there around 9, missed the first 2 minutes of fireworks, then they were over 10 minutes later. so we parked our car on the top level of the parking garage, walked down 5 flights of steps with a 2-year old, walked down front street to the river, watched the fireworks, and walked back in 15 minutes. i was disappointed in the short time of fireworks, but hey, i’m used to being at the beach this time of year.. have been every year since i was born. oh well, c’est la vie.

tomorrow.. doing absolutely nothing but getting my pictures developed. yay!

the song of the day..

Little miss, little miss, little miss can’t be wrong
Ain’t nobody gonna bow no more when you sound your gong.
Little miss, little miss, little miss can’t be wrong
What’cha gonna do to get into another one of these rock ’n’ roll songs?

all i think about is you..

ahh, you could not wipe the smile off my face right now if you tried. tonight was great. we had some form of oasis at erin’s and we all got in the pool. me and grace hung out a while and just talked about our future husbands and butlers:

‘i’m going to marry jake. and my butler.. he’ll umm.. uhh.. he’ll look like jake.’

then we got out for a while and ate oreo’s and chips and katie b. kept checking out her boobs, haha. after a while me and ally (or grace, i don’t remember) pushed erin in, then me and erin pushed in her mom, then me and mrs. lehman tried to push dave in, but it didn’t work. so then grace got in and we were talking some more.. and after a while, it got dark and it was just me, grace, bri, ally, dave, and steven in the pool. we played marco polo, fishy fishy cross my ocean, chicken, and football, haha.

steven: ‘i pick abby’
dave: ‘why do you get first pick? you’re the football player.’
steven:‘exactly.who would your first pick be?’
dave: ‘abby!’
steven: ‘fine.’
dave: ‘she’s the oldest.’
grace: ‘no she’s not! she’s like, the youngest!’
dave: ‘oh. well, she looks like the oldest.’

for marco polo, bri, dave and i ended up being it most of the time.. that was amusing. we played fishy fishy cross my ocean once, and of course, i was the first one to get tagged. when we played chicken, no matter who i was with, we lost. lol i was with steven, we lost. grace was with me, we lost. ally was with me, we lost. i’m cursed. for football, i ended up being on dave’s team.. we played for a whole 5 minutes and did pretty well, haha. then we did a 3 person chicken tower! that was so freakin’ cool! dave was on the bottom, then me, then ally. it was so awesome! then we tried to put erin on the top, didn’t work. then grace, didn’t work. they could have taken the place of me, but not ally. we got some pictures, so i can’t wait to get my film developed. then my dad showed up (even though i didn’t call him) and we took grace home. now i’m here playing spider solitaire and losing miserably. but that’s alright, tonight rocked.

i want a birthday present like that. oooooh, auuuuustin! lol

pink+blue=PURPLE! hah, i get it! i want to be PURPLE!

erin is officially bigger. ouch.

she’s in love with the boy..

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
And my weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

--i love that--

so i went over to cefc for church this morning.. me and la familia have decided that we're going to make that our new home church. SCHWING! during communion, i got pulled into the youth room by a certain erin. we didn't really talk.. we cried, mostly. but then we talked about things that have happened over the past month when we weren't speaking to each other. 'we be good.' and in the past week i found out that i have two new family members: grace murtoff and kate stuber. haha how cool?! and, uhh, jestine and i are going to hang out after she gets back from nationals. tonight--erin's house to swim and such with the oasis kids.

steve3.

I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart

I'm sorry. Thanks, Steve. :)

you're the last great innocent, and that's why i love you

i honestly can't tell you the last time i felt so alone. everyone that just came back doesn't want to be here, and the people that have been here don't provide comfort in the least, and everyone else isn't here.

so where does that leave me? on my own independent level? or just scared in a corner?

i'm scared, i'm hurt, i'm alone. i just want those 'too-good-to-be-true' dreams to be more than just that.. dreams. i want them to be real.

aaron's at the beach.. not like he'd help anyway. i guess it's just kind of comforting to know he's there and just ignore the fact that he'd rather sleep than help me. brett's at creation.. kaila, too. and everyone else falls into one of the three previously mentioned categories.

What’s the matter Mary Jane, you had a hard day?
As you place the don’t disturb sign on the door
You lost your place in line again, what a pity
You never seem to want to dance anymore

It’s a long way down
On this roller coaster
The last chance streetcar
Went off the track
And you’re on it

I hear you’re counting sheep again Mary Jane
What’s the point of trying’ to dream anymore?
I hear you’re losing weight again Mary Jane
Do you ever wonder who you’re losing it for?

Well it’s full speed baby
In the wrong direction
There’s a few more bruises
If that’s the way
You insist on heading

Please be honest, Mary Jane
Are you happy?
Please don’t censor your tears

You’re the sweet crusader
And you’re on your way
You’re the last great innocent
And that’s why I love you

So take this moment Mary Jane and be selfish
Worry not about the cars that go by
All that matters mary jane is your freedom
Keep warm my dear, keep dry

you said no star was out of reach.

hiding the truth is the same thing as lying and lying has never really gone over well with me. and i'm not taking lightly to it now either. especially given the current circumstances and issues. i'll just wait for this whole thing to surface and rear its ugly head, then i will openly state my opinion and demand answers. just a warning.

my frace is back! :)

It was the night Rod Stewart played
And we were standing in the pouring rain
If I had known it was the last time I would see you again
I would change everything.

I look through the broken glass
I watch the storm go through my mind
There's so much I had to say
I know the words I left behind
And now I'm caught in a daydream with nowhere to run and hide
The world rushes by me, it's leaving me here all alone
(I would change everything, but I can't do anything
I would give all that I have to know where you are)

I'll always carry you inside my heart and you
You'll never know how much I wonder where you are
I always knew that you would take a part of me away with you
And I never got to say good-bye

I look in the mirror now and all I see is yesterday
At night I hear your voice and it is calling out my name
And with every hour just hold on to what you can
They're lost in a moment and fading away in the night
(I would change everything, but I can't do anything
I would give all that I have just to know where you are)

I'll always carry you inside my heart and you
You'll never know how much I wonder where you are
I always knew that you would take a part of me away with you
And I never got to say good-bye

And I never ever said good-bye

That night is just a memory
But I still feel you standing next to me
And when I think I hear your voice all I hear is the rain...