"if you ever need to, you can give me a call, and i'll take you out to some empty street or somewhere and we can just talk, if that's what you need."

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

*sigh* I don't know what's going on with me right now. I'm getting so incredibly annoyed with some people. One is completely fake--a great friend to your face, but they talk about you behind their back. And the funny thing is, someone tells them they are a jerk, and they don't change it. Don't they get it?

My family.. always fighting. I come up here to my room, slam my door, and turn up my radio so that I can't hear them yelling at my brother. Every night for the past five days, I've heard him crying in his room. He's so fragile, they don't understand. Sarah's parents were so tough on her, and she feels that she has to do the same with Tyler. One day, he's going to run away. He tries so hard to make her happy, but he always does something wrong. It's like he can't ever do anything to please her. I try so hard to help him, but he just doesn't get it. He thinks that she hates him because she's always yelling. They punish him for the stupidest things. Evan is the angel child because he is the only one that is really hers. It's just so hard.

I just need to get out of here. i just need to get away. I need that ride to the middle of nowhere, just to talk, just to vent, just to get away from it all. too bad i can't even have that anymore--my only safe haven in this crazy world. it's gone.

desperate for changing, starving for truth

I'm falling even more in love you.. Letting go of all I've held on to.. I'm standing here until you make me move.. I'm hanging by a moment here with you.. I'm living for the only thing I know.. I'm running and not quite sure where to go.. And I don't know what I'm diving into.. Just hanging by a moment here with you..

Here's to the nights we felt alive.. Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry.. Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon..

here's to all the memories..

can i smell your hot chocolate?.. a is for apricots, m is for mangoes.. "i'm not even going to ask".. i seen it!.. freaking cold ice!.. i'll take you to the candy shop.. the rain <3..>hey, lady in red!.. dude, you so look like my girlfriend.. abby!.. "you're my girl." ..

this has been one heck of a ride. thanks for everything.

and breathe, just breathe..

didn't go to church this morning. didn't really want to, anyways. when you get to the point in your life where you are so alone, you don't even think that God is there, it can't get any worse. i hate that feeling.

summer is almost here, and i don't know what i want. do i want it to come, embrace it fully, in hopes that oppurtunities will arise for me? or am i dreading it, pushing it away with all my might, thinking that if i can get it to stay away, no one will leave me? i hate thinking that i'll never see these people again. a few of them have played huge roles in my life, but once they leave, what happens next?

you were there in the pouring rain, pushing me to my limits. you made me better. standing there watching you run in the rain, it was comforting.. knowing that the rain does something to the both of us. and no matter where you are, when it's raining, that's something that we'll always have. i looked up to you this year, we all did. thanks for an awesome season.

wow, an amazing 3 years this has been. from one guy to the next, you always made me laugh. yesterday, too. just the simple things you do, i know i will miss you. all the rides home, all the stories you tell, all of it.. i'll miss. thanks for everything. i don't even know what to say here. just keep being yourself, and you'll never go wrong.

every time i think about you, i either laugh or get goose-bumps, because that's what you do. you make me laugh. i remember sitting in the gym and i looked over at you, and you were looking back at me--goose bumps. i remember yesterday, the look on your face--and i laugh. you're an amazing person, and don't do anything stupid while you're gone. you're perfect the way that you are, don't let anyone change you.

those are to the three that i will miss the most.

here comes the sun..

today was a great day, even though i woke up an hour late and didn't get to go to states with kristin. so i was talking to dan and aaron, trying to get a ride there, but neither of them could take me. i had to beg my mom, and she took me down. i met up with kristin and we hung out all day. it poured for a long time.. i love the rain. :)

pat didn't qualify for the 200, but he only missed it by .02 seconds. kara got 2nd in the 2 mile. curtis bixler got 1st in the 2 mile with a 9:14:04. how freaking awesome is that? then the 4x1.. it was still pouring and lieto was out with a pulled hamstring, so aj was the backup. i was so nervous for them. i mean, this is a big deal.. states! so 44.27 seconds later, the boys took 4th place, and i was ecstatic beyond belief. i was so happy. austin jumped up and down like a little kid. when they were all called to the infield to get the medals, lieto went with them and aj gave him his medal, it was awesome. pat roach, still amazing. so then me and kristin walked back to the tent with pat and we talked.. about how i wasn't going to give rutz a hug, haha. everyone was taking pictures, it was the best. i've never felt like this before in my life, i was so proud of those boys. aj stepped in, never having done this before, and he was amazing. absolutely incredible. when we were getting ready to leave, i said bye to aj and gave him a hug, then i went over to pat, and gave him a hug.

i didn't give him a hug.
just do it.
no way. i can't.
come on.
no.
do it.
no, are you kidding me? i'd fall over!

while i was having this conversation with pat, i hear "ABBY!" and i turn around. austin is standing there with his arms wide open and the most dazzling smile on his face. i froze. i was thinking, "no way. there is no way this is happening. how is this happening? oh. my. gosh." next thing i know, there i was, with my arms around his neck, his arms around my waist, giving him a hug. my head was on his chest and i can almost promise you that he felt my heart beating through my jacket.. and his. i looked up at him and he smiled and i was like, ''whoa." i looked at pat and he just smiled. no freaking way this just happened to me. i told him, "good job out there," then i walked away, hardly able to breathe. geez.

the best day of my life. :)

we were merely freshman..

first, here's to elliot..

Look into my eyes and it's easy to see
One and one make two, two and one make three,
It was destiny.
Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
And the grass doth grow...

second, tonight was cool. haven't had a drama-free night for a while. it ended up being me, emily, mere, kristin, and logan. we watched the movie and mere got bored, but by the middle she was really getting into it (as in crying, haha). then at 9, we walked over to applebee's and had some dinner. that was a good time.

mere: so what happens with atkins in the old movies?
us: umm, annakin?

but no one would split dessert with me.. so everyone ate cake but me. :( how rude. haha and those boys. who cares about chad and sean, dan and that other guy.. dang. big spring is not all farmers. ;)

it's okay. don't be so hard on yourself. you gave it all you got, you tried your hardest. i know that's not enough for you, but it's enough for me. you're still a hero in my eyes.

so, time for my most recent thoughts.. summer is almost here, and while i can't wait, i still don't want to grow up. chad and pat are graduating this year. jordan, aaron, elliot, bill, bridget and mike are all graduating next year. then before you know it, it's our turn. i don't want to let go. i'm going to miss everyone too much. i know that these high school years are what we live for, i know they are some of the best days we'll have together, but i don't want people to just get up and leave. part of me feels like i need them here for me, i can't quite function without them. it's going to hurt, letting them go, and i don't want to deal with that yet. but here we are, next week, it all starts for me. it's going to be a bumpy ride, and honestly, i don't know how much i can handle. what am i going to do, knowing that you're gone? what happens now that you just leave? how often will i see you now? will you break your promises? i don't know. i don't ever want to find out.

i'm going to miss you so much.

tomorrow -- maybe states with kristin.. i hope so. i have to spend these days wisely. <3

tell me can it get any better than this?

latest update:

pat lieto, eric bonshock, austin rutz, and pat roach have qualified for the finals in the 4x100 meter relay with a school record-breaking time of 44.19.. how amazing.

congratulations guys. you will never cease to amaze me.

another congrats goes out to my boy, aj korzun, for getting 4th in his heat for the 300's. hopefully that will be amazing enough to move him on to finals. you're the leader of this squad. you're the one we look up to. one by one, we all fell down, but you're the one still standing. bring us that victory. we love you.

this is the story of a girl..

today was freaking awesome. we played ultimate frisbee in gym class this morning and got whooped by tori, grace, and kendra, haha but what did we expect? they are beasts. we went up a little early to see art show and because hubert is retarded, we were all ten minutes late for 2nd block--english. we took the romeo and juliet test today (which i think i aced) and then started reading animal farm (ugh). resource--more art show because i had mellinger. i talked to kevin a little, which was nice, i miss that guy. then i found elliot and hung out with him for a while. nice drawings, by the way. and thanks for noticing that picture :-P "what would you do if i kissed you?" "love it." "what?!?" <3>art show. i saw elliot and we hung out again.. we were making fun of the bands and admiring our artwork. then i saw my brother and he was like "that's my sister" to everyone he knew. it was the cutest thing. next, french class, where we worked on our maps and folders, and i got engaged. "here's a dime-in (diamond) ring. will you marry me?" "i will.. i love you!" haha tyler, you're the coolest kid. then, once again, we walked down to the art show, where, once again, i hung out with elliot. he sang to me this time. he will always be my hero. haha then i was waiting outside for dad to come get me, when who else drives by but elliot. he played me some ghetto song.. and tried to rap along with it (failed attempt), but it was really funny. then on the way home, we passed tyler, so i threw his ring back at him.. that was amusing.

so between the window kisses, the short one ;) and the massages, i'll say i had a pretty great day.

now tonight, going to the movies with emily and meredith.. should be a good time. :) then applebee's for goodies :)

thank you.. for being so accepting and for always making me laugh.i don't know how i could have done this without you. you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and i don't want to lose you again. but i don't have to, you promised me you'd stay forever.. and i'm counting on you to help me through.

it's like running around in a field of daisies.. unforgettable.

ok, i'm going to make this tiny because there's a lot of stuff to write..

we'll start with tuesday.. not too exciting. in photo, kendra and i shot in the graveyard.. i'm excited to see our pictures, a lot of them should be really cool. too bad we're behind or these would be in the art show with the rest of ours. :( then in english, reviewed adjective clauses.. english is so easy, i love it. remind me why i didn't take the honors test again? resource was the fall sports meeting.. haha elliot is joining the golf team. what the heck? who golfs? i found it quite amusing. geometry.. just as easy as always. french.. emily and erin sent gabe and sean out to spy on me at 2. what losers. :-P and they didn't see me with anyone anyways. hah.

when i got home, i had two letters in the mail. one was from albany. 17 kids from our school got selected to go to an interview in albany, ny for something. but the second letter was what excited me. it was from nyu :-D saying that i had been accepted to a summer interview for a scholarship. after the interview, if it went well, they would be watching me through high school and i would be accepted to college. i freaked out. it's like my dreams are finally coming true.. and i'm loving every minute of it.

"you love elliot, but he's not that kind of person."
"yeah, he's not going to come out and say, 'i love you'."
"he would if he was gonna score."
"with his cousin?!"

and apparently tasha hates me again. hahahaha, that's hilarious.

ok, so wednesday..

in gym class, we went for a walk around the lake, and me, kendra, and kyle stopped at the cafe for smoothies (thanks, kyle). then we went back to the gym and played battleball, then some ultimate frisbee. english class.. 100 on the test, how easy. romeo and juliet test friday. resource.. haha me and erin and kendra had one heck of a time. geometry.. didn't do much, as usual. french--we drew monsters and worked on stuff for finals. then i came home and walked down to nan's to borrow her green shoes, came home, got ready, and went to the cla luau with kendra. that was freaking awesome. you're walking down the hall that seperates the church from the youth building and you look out the windows and it's just like being in school again.. in the courtyard are a ton of people just standing around in their cliques talking.. except we were all wearing hula skirts. then we went inside and they had their own AMA awards.. props to both movies. we watched a drama that taylor and kendra made.. very well done, girls. then they had one of their bands come on and play--south mountain. they started with 'dare you to move'.. john was amazing! next they did an upbeat worship song, then two originals. wow, i was so amazed. i didn't know that john had that in him. and the whole band hid it from me, matt and ryan, too! turns out, they knew i was coming and wanted to surprise me. i was definitely surprised. it was so nice to see them again. we hung out for a while and he tried the mechanical surfboard.. haha rather amusing. and i hung out with taylor.. aww, i missed her so much. i forgot how gorgeous she is, always beautiful. haha and her stevie! then there was kay! i haven't seen her in a lifetime!! when she saw me, she was like ABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYY! she introduced me to ffffffffrank. he has a nice.. jaw line. the funny thing is, you were completely serious, and it was totally true. haha and allie is the cutest pregnant woman i have ever seen. "i knew you were always my favorite." then, we had to go home. :(

"have you ever had one of those zits on the side of your nose? they really hurt!"
"yeah, i know! they kill!"
"listen to us, we have such retarded conversations. *pause* hey, did you know that you have bellybutton odor?"

today.. photo >> 3 ws's. blah. english >> R&J review. resource >> meeting.. really awkward. geometry >> 105 on my test. french >> won voila for a change! no 2 o'clock meeting and erin and dan have my approval..

then i came out to my moms, helped her weed the garden, then i took a walk down to the stables to see cassie. i love that horse, she's beautiful. then i came back and kylie, kaylie, and madison were here. madison's up to 18 pounds now in 5 months, and kaylie is 4 and doesn't even weigh 35 pounds. those are some tiny kids. but we played in the yard and had a good time.

i worked a little on my room, but it's still a disaster. then my mom gave me her credit card and i did some shopping.. $90 bucks later i have a skirt and a shirt coming in.. sweet. i <3>

and i will always love you..

today was rather uneventful. in gym we played soccer for a little while, then it started to rain, so we went inside and ended up spending the rest of the class period playing kickball with the life skills kids.. that was awesome. they make my day. :) then in english, we finished up romeo and juliet.. and rachel and i took a trip to the bathroom and tried to do our hair like that girl, but failed miserably, haha. in gym resource, we played ultimate frisbee and i actually caught the frisbee every time. how exciting! haha what an improvement from last night. my lifetime goal: be as good as TK. haha it'll happen someday.. geometry.. gah, still boring. french.. erin and emily know about 2 o'clock, they just haven't figured out who yet. :\ hmm.. it's raining. i love the rain.

so after today, i'm definitely in the mood to just drive to the middle of nowhere and eat that ice cream.. too bad i don't think that offer is out there anymore. :(

tonight -- strawberry shortcake :-D haha

this week -- tomorrow, i'm at my moms new house. wednesday -- everyone is going to gettysburg. thursday -- hmm, getting ready for the art show. and friday -- the art show <3

it's been one of those days for a lot of days now..

tonight totally rocked. :) me and grace went out for dinner and then to the movie's.. we bought our tickets first, then we had to walk over to applebee's in the rain.. and grace's umbrella did not want to cooperate with us.. so we were a little wet. while we were at applebee's, we saw jen and she gave me this kick butt balloon! haha it's the coolest thing. so we were done eating around 6, but our movie didn't start until 7, so we walked to walmart with the intention of buying a new umbrella, but we didn't have enough money. i had 86 cents and grace had $3.85. haha, so we picked up two magazines, plopped down on a chair and we just sat there are read our magazines. "she will find true love in a cafeteria or food court." that's so mean, but so freaking hilarious. haha reading horoscopes.. what a way to pass the time.

grace: *reads shirt* if you can't take the heat, get off my beach.
me: yeah, cuz i totally own a beach
grace: if anyone did own a beach, they would not be shopping at walmart.

then we ran back to the frozen section, got some strawberry sorbet, then realized we had no spoons. so, i ran into mcdonalds to ask for spoons when i saw merlie and story.. story went up to get our spoons, but only came back with one.. he felt so bad about it too.. "i'm so sorry, i thought you only wanted one!" i was like, no, really, it's alright, i'll get it. so we got our sorbet, then walked back to the movie theater (we snuck it in my purse). we got there 10 minutes early and we still had to sit in the front. so we watched our movie.

grace: close your eyes, just listen to his voice.
me: eww. (referring to chancellor palpatine)
grace: no, not his voice, annie's voice!

"annie, i'm pregnant."
me: who woulda thought that star wars was turning into a soap opera.

grace: so basically, the theme of this movie is, you have to turn to the dark side because you love your wife. nice.

that was the best night i've had in a while..

king: thomas, merlie, and story
queen: grace

here's to the nights we felt alive..

Staring at a maple leaf
Leaning on the mother tree
I said to myself we all lost touch
Your favorite fruit is chocolate covered cherries
And seedless watermelon
Nothing from the ground is good enough
Body rised
It puts over me

Oh chariot your golden waves
are walking down upon this face
Oh chariot I'm singing out loud
To guide me
Give me your…
Strength

Remember seeking moons of birth
Rings made mirrors of the earth
The sun was just yellow energy
It is a living promise land
Even over fields of sand
City filled with burden
Cover me
From bringing back
More than a memory

You'll be my vacation away from this place
You know what I want
Holding that cup,
It's pouring over the sides
Makes me wanna spread my arms and fly

my heart keeps falling faster..

photo >> my freaking pictures didn't turn out. they were too dark, so kendra and i have to reshoot on monday. but i listened to some awesome comedian with tyler and mike in the darkroom..

english >> romeo and juliet <3>

resource >> there was something wrong with me. i was like going into convulsions, it was so weird. i have never been like that before in my entire life. then i just went crazy. adam had to like, hold me down and i was trying to get free and then paul remy came over and was like, 'what the heck are you doing?' and i just smacked him. it was the strangest thing.

geometry >> not much longer in that class..

french >> FREAKING IDIOT missed the 2 o'clock meeting for the second day in a row.. retard. and i went to the bathroom and tasha was in there.. i was like, okay, leaving, right now.

so on my way out i still had no ride.. kendra said she could take me if i absolutely could find no other ride home, then i saw aaron, and i was like, 'i know it's completely inconvenient, but you have to give me a ride home'.. turns out he was giving hannah and brett a ride home anyways, so i was on the way. i got shotgun, the lovebirds were in the back. "idiot, hold my hand." haha "my name is aaron and i would like to welcome you to the big green bus. i will not take any money from you unless you put it down my pants (brett). abby in the front, love birds in the back, but no foggy windows, please. you will listen to my my music since this is my car. i will be making several round trips. i have to fart." -- you should so make a recording that says that so you don't have to repeat yourself every day. haha "are you done yet?"

later, i was heading to my grandma's house when she hit something on the road and her front tire went flat, so we swerved into a bank parking lot.. after my heart started beating again, i changed the tire. haha i was so flippin' proud of myself, but then my grandpa got there and had to tighten the bolts because i'm not strong enough to tighten them enough.. so if we would have driven with that tire, it would have been ugly, lol.

ok, well, evan wants to watch 'thomas the tank engine', so i'm going to go hang out with that kid.

love .. abby

"3 doors down.. plus 1." haha you are my hero.

it's okay, we're fine.

here's to the guys..

i remember when you wrestled me to the ground for shotgun and tickled me until i couldn't breathe.. and then you rode with someone else anyway. i remember visiting you at work on your breaks.

i remember the first day i met you like it was yesterday. i remember the football games and the cowboy hats. i remember grits--and how much you hate rap. i remember singing aladdin and "she thinks my tractor's sexy" and i remember calling you the day before my algebra test..

i remember hershey park and how i was so scared to talk to you. i remember we rode every ride together.. i remember your brown jacket.. haha, i hated it so much. i remember the all nights and bowling at 12:26. i remember the valentine's day dinner and the amazing time i had with you.

i remember that you were the one to teach me to open a door. i remember student council and all the skate nights.. i remember we thought we were so cool. i remember that you always won in our little game.

i remember being so afraid of you and then i realized that you were just another person. i remember you mortifying me and laughing.. and i remember feeling like you'd always be there. i remember you amazing me time and time again. i remember your nickname and the stupid way you got it.

i remember thinking you were some idiot until i got to know you for myself. i remember watching you walk down the hall and being proud. i remember that i'll always be your girl. i remember you telling me you were leaving and i remember being so scared i'd never see you again.

i remember looking at you and forgetting to breathe.. just like everyone else. i don't remember what i was thinking when you asked me that question. i remember wishing i lived closer to you. i remember wondering what you would do in amsterdam. i remember sharing my hot chocolate and wheat thins with you.

i remember you leaving, now i remember you coming home. i remember feeling so scared to talk to you again.

i remember you buying me those flowers and a cowboy hat. i remember when you were my "boyfriend".. we pretended so sean wouldn't ask me out. i remember being in your class for the past 2 years.. and i remember you always making me laugh.

i remember thinking that i was the coolest person in the world because i could say, "he's my cousin." i remember coming to many basketball games and baseball games. i remember the family number, 35. i remember making movies with you and listening to the amazing 80's. i remember getting lost and going the wrong way on a one way street. i remember your bobble-head sumo wrestlers.

i remember your sushi and learning how to do a cartwheel at your house.

i remember many hours sitting in our bedrooms talking to each other on the phone. i remember when you were sick, i was the only person you wanted to see. i remember eating twin pops till our mouths were stained red. i remember all your baseball cards. i remember beating you in baseball. i remember you pushing me off the swing then crying because you felt so bad. i remember you being so protective of me. i remember our games of "life". i remember seeing you all grown up and wondering if we could ever be those two little kids again.

baby, i'm here to stop your crying..

today was awesome.. haha.. it's been a while.

gym -- played football.. got housed by tori, she's a beast, what can i say? haha

english -- watched the rest of romeo and juliet.. had mrs. white for a sub.

"that's correct ms. whitey." >> haha i love his southern twang.

geometry -- a whole lot of nothing..

french -- played a bunch of games. i had to walk like a flamingo and do the disco. and tyler hit the ceiling. haha

now, the news of the day..
austin rutz is moving in down the street. :)
tyler and tasha are "taking a break". (or so he said several times today)
this saturday is going to rock my world.
and i'm getting a telescope for my birthday (haha, thank you very much)

it was a good day.. i talked to megan too. reminiscing--ahh, i love her. health class, we were the last two standing. our 7th grade science game. -bo and bo-. and i talked to aaron for a little bit, too. of course, he was just picking on me, but for the longest time, we didn't talk at all. i like it better this way.

take your memories, i don't need them..

i've just got a lot to write down, but this stuff is just my mundane ramblings.

I'M SO EXTREMELY EXCITED TO MAKE THE TRACK MOVIE! i talked to anna today and she's like, i'm going to make a clip just for you. so she was telling me what it'll be.. austin rutz will run like, 10 feet, then strike a pose. i'll run onto the screen with some water, gatorade, and a towel. i'll squirt the gatorade in his mouth, spray him with the water, towel him off, and send him on his way.. only after he flashes me his dazzling smile. hahaha that will rock my world. anna bixler, you are my hero.

and some stuff from this past year..

i swear, by the moonlit stars in the stars, i'll be there. take your memories, i don't need them. i get carried away, nothing matters but being with you. what a beautiful mess i'm in. i live for little moments like this. no matter what i do, don't give up on me. now life has killed the dream i dreamed. this one's for the girls who've ever had a broken heart, who've wished upon a shooting star. you're beautiful the way you are. this one's for the girls, who love without holding back, who dream with everything they have. i don't ever wanna feel like i did that day, take me to the place i love, take me all the way. when you refuse me, you confuse me. you can not know how much this hurts me. i feel wonderful because i see the lovelight in your eyes. and the wonder of it all, is that you just don't realize how much i love you. and the band played songs that we had never heard, and we danced anyway. we never understood the words, we just sang, oh, la la la la la la la la la la la, we danced anyway. like joy was something you could touch, i wrap it around me like a blanket. it's just you and me and the moon. i used to be so full of faith, now it only hurts. loving someone is giving them the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to. don't know what to say, don't know what to do, don't know if it really even matters to you.. how can i make you see, it matters to me? take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway. i shatter, still my heart is breathing alive. dancing backwards in high heels.. sleep sweet, my darling, don't you cry. and even if the sun refused to shine, even if romance ran out of rhyme, you would still have my until the end of time, you're all i need, my love, my valentine. feelings are falling free, imaginations dance. i hold your hand inside my head, i hold your smile in my dreams. you're still in my heart and on my mind, you're always there to remind me. now is the time to close my eyes, finally kiss the stars goodnight. i'm dazzled by you, i'm dazzled by you. i retrace the way i, i feel you. i'm dazzled by you, i have you. i wanna know how forever feels. i'm looking out my window searching for your eyes. without me, his world will go on turning. the world is full of happiness that i have never known. welcome to utopia. idealistic beyond belief. on clouded nights, you hope with all your might in fragile winds to carry your desire. still you believe on the stars and what you see and you believe you're on the brink of something and you shut the door, lay yourself on the floor. that's when you know, that's when you know you're home. it's time you took the chance to put your hand in mine.. so don't walk away. even the best fall down sometimes. i'm all out of faith, this is how i feel. sing tonight, fight the break of dawn, come tomorrow, tomorrow i'll be gone, sing tonight. in this world there's real and make believe, this seems real to me. you love me, but you don't know who i am, so let me go, just let me go. my heart keeps falling faster. but my god it's so beautiful when the boy smiles. can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable and life's like an hour glass glued to the table, no one can find the rewind button girl, so cradle your head in your hands, and breathe, just breathe. someone told me that love would all save us. how can that be? look what love gave us. hold on loosely, but don't let go. usually it's too late when you realize what you had. and where was i before the day i first saw your lovely face? rain, rain, go away, come again some other day, all the world is waiting for the sun. is it you that i want or just the notion of a heart to wrap aroun so i can find my way around? safe to say from here, you're getting closer. we are never sad because we're not allowed to be. i don't get many things right the first time. right now, face to face, all my fears pushed aside, i'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you. he was the one to hold me the night the sky fell down. i love you more than i have ever found a way to say to you. and in a white sea of eyes, i see one pair that i recognize, and i know that i am the luckiest. i'm falling into memories of you and things we used to you. follow me there. i know you've been hurting, but i've been waiting to be there for you. let the world crash, love can take it. if you could open up your heart you'll see, this wasn't my intent, i'm sorry. people do fall in love. people do belong to each other. because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness. you call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing, and you're terrified somebody's going to stick you in a cage. well, baby, you're already in that cage. how can someone so close be allowed to be so far away? you make me feel so alive. everyone will know the minute we let it go. i can't hold it anymore, let's be original.

the hardest to learn was the least complicated..

so today was one of the better days in the past week.

photo was okay.. i developed our negatives from the lake and pretty much none of them turned out. yay. but that's just an excuse for us to go out a take more. :) and i have eight pictures going into the art show. how awesome is that! english.. very amusing. i was incredibly hyper and ms zimmerman kept yelling at me.. and during our test, my phone rang. i was like, shoot. so when i went to turn it off, it said that i had a text message. who the heck would text me in the middle of school? but romeo and juliet was highly amusing..

kim: they like, went behind their parents back, and talked, ya know?
ms. zimmerman: they did more than talk, it was their wedding night!

ms. zimmerman: number one, grant, keeper of the eternal flame. number two, anna. number three, rachel..

trish: he's playing connect the dots with his blood.

french.. me.. and erin.. did not get along so well. but that doesn't surprise me, i think i've come to expect it. i figured she'd be mad after last night.. and she said that dan wasn't in school today, so i was like, greaaat. in the middle of class, i asked to go to the bathroom, and i was gonna go out and see who sent me that text message (i figured it was dan) when i saw the boy himself in the hallway. so we talked a little bit about last night and how i have a death wish upon me.. and then i went in to tell erin her love was in school. for the record, i don't care if you guys go out. i really don't. so just do it. geometry.. we did this thing on the computer and we had to go to 3rd lunch instead of 2nd. i was like, shoot, i can't do that. but everyone else was like, if we don't go to 3rd lunch, then we have to do work.

i was just praying that aaron would forget about our little lunch plan so that he wouldn't be sitting in 2nd lunch all by himself.. but of course, when i got down to 3rd lunch, there he was. :) the first thing he said was, "i've wasted two lunch periods on you. i though you said you had 2nd lunch." oops. but we talked for a while, that was nice.

but i'm so confused with myself. i sent him that email, then i unsent it, then i sent it again, then i unsent it. i know i can handle this on my own, but i don't want to. i want him to be there to help me, i don't want things to change from the way they are right now. i don't ever want to have do this alone. i realize that he won't always be here, that he's leaving for college in a year and a half.. i just don't want it to happen. it's all going so fast. for now, i'm content. i have all that i need. i've got the only friends i need and i've got someone i can rely on.

so off that schpiel, grace and i went to the cafe today.. we beat the crowd and hitched a ride with aaron (while we were running down the stairs i hear "hey abby, did you get my text message?" i turn around to see matt mcdee.. haha i love that kid). thanks again for that. :) we sat down at our table and were there for a good 10 minutes when it got flooded with people. that was awesome. and we just talked about everything, which was awesome, because we haven't had some good abby/grace time in a really long time. i forgot how much fun we have together.. haha putting hair on brianne's purse.

"i'm going to die in the bathroom.. there's a hair on the door knob! i can't open it!"

haha.. and your 25 cent twin pop.. loser. "the getty guy had a thing for abby!" heck yes, $1.25 cheaper than rachel's.. lol. "you know what i realized? leo's doesn't open until 3." haha oh, the things you realize while you're going to the bathroom. haha let's give them a call.. "wait a second, i need to pull her hot, sweaty body off of mine." lol.. and today was one of those that we wish we had boyfriends. "instead, i'm sitting here with you, grace." haha "i'm nearsighted. from here, they both look like girls!" and this one was great.. we're talking about marshall and.. "hey, that looks like marshall." oh gracie lou, I LOVE YOU!

"don't talk to them."
"be nice."
"abby with her stupid halo."

meanwhile, on the other side of town..

just don't try to break my heart

today was rough.

here we go..

you say that you'll always be there. you tell me you're always just a phone call away. but why do i call and there's no one on the other end.. or you're just too busy this week. "how about a rain check for next week?." you'll always be there.. when it's convenient. i guess i need to learn not to expect so much from people. but you told me you'd try.

Main Entry: prom·ise
Function: noun: a declaration or manifestation especially in a contract of an intention to act or refrain from acting in a specified way that gives the party to whom it is made a right to expect its fulfillment

false promise: a promise that is made with no intention of carrying it out

--this is what i live for--

alright, i'm going to be honest with you, assuming that everyone will be upset with me for what i say. two days after he breaks up with her, he likes you. or, if tia is telling the truth, while he is dating her, he likes you. what a keeper. the first thing he says to you is: all the sophomores want your body. what a keeper. april 16, 2005.. just read them.

27. one or more girls at a time: yea i'm thinkin' one...
33. would he write poetry about you: no, but he would read it to me on the porch under the stars while eating breakfast.
37. will he walk you to the door at the end: yes he would
48. play guitar: yep, thank you. heck yes
59. what would his name be: definitely nobody named dan...

so since you've decided to totally disregard everything that i've told you, you've totally disregarded your promise, go ahead, and have a blast tomorrow. don't let me stop you.

i guess it just hurts.

don't pretend like you've never done this before.

today was just.. bad. except for going to the cafe, it sucked. but i'm done caring.

that letter contains the secrets of life. i need your support, and you gave it to me. thank you.

"do what you will, for i have done with thee."
-lady capulet, romeo and juliet
it applies to real life.

i can honestly say i can't wait.

Now the parking lot is empty
Everyone’s gone someplace
I pick you up and in the trunk I’ve packed
A cooler and a 2-day suitcase
Cause there’s a place we like to drive
Way out in the country
Five miles out of the city limit we’re singing
And your hand’s upon my knee

So we're okay
We're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two

You know the things that I am afraid of
I’m not afraid to tell
And if we ever leave a legacy
It’s that we loved each other well
Cause I’ve seen the shadows of so many people
Trying on the treasures of youth
But a road that's fancy and fast
Ends in a fatal crash
And I’m glad we got off
To tell you the truth

So we're okay
We're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two

All the shiny little trinkets of temptation
--make new friends
Something new instead of something old
--but keep the old
All you gotta do is scratch beneath the surface
--but remember what is gold
And it’s fools gold
--what is gold

Now we’re talking about a difficult thing
And your eyes are getting wet
I took us for better and I took us for worse
Don’t you ever forget it
Now the steel bars between me and a promise
Suddenly bend with ease
The closer I’m bound in love to you
The closer I am to free

bury my heart at wounded knee..

so this morning, i got up and went to church, came home, then went out shopping with sarah. that was nice.. haha a few hours out just blowing money. haha can't complain. i almost got these awesome red chucks, but then i put them back at the last minute.. and there was this huge elvis book that i almost got too, but i wasn't gonna spend 10 bucks on it, call me cheap.

we ended up going to panera too and getting ic caramel's, or a miller and a bud as josh said, and we split a cookie. mmm. :)

tonight -- pilates. we will look good in those bathing suits, haha.

we're gonna start clean slated..

tonight was definitely needed.. and i am in much higher spirits now.

" 'he needs to keep his hands to himself' hello? she needs to keep her mouth shut."
"she needs to keep her hands off the fried chicken."

"that was tight."
"who says that?"
"yo, don't be hatin'."

this is coming straight from the heart..

alright, since y'all are mad at me anyhow, i'm going to be honest with you.

meredith:
"stop complaining. please. yes i realize life can be difficult. i realize it can be hard. but not dating the guy you want, or not winning something, or breaking up with someone, or even not having a guy at all... is not worth hating life or being angry about. around this time every year i realize how fragile life really is and now unworthwhile the fighting and the attitudes are. smile... grow up... and move on. 1st step, stop complaining and things will look up right away.
^^ sorry, i'm just sick of people complaining about very very useless things."

okay, first of all, i'm going to assume that at least one thing up there was about me. you don't know what i'm dealing with right now. in fact, only one person does. and it's not you. so please, cut me some slack until you know the whole story. and the whole not winning thing. yeah, it definitely sucks, and if you would have lose, you would have been upset too, don't tell me otherwise. but i'm not like freaking out, "oh no, i'm going to go kill myself". stop making it seem like my whole world is crashing in just because i lost the election. alright, i lost, i'm over, you should be too. "sorry, i'm just sick of people complaining about very very useless things." they may be useless to you, mere, but they're important to me, or else i wouldn't be writing it all down. if you're so sick of it, stop reading this, and just leave me alone. and with guys.. you of all people should know how i feel. right now you may be on some natural high, but you've been where i am right now, mere. i know you have because i was there to help you. and as soon as i'm in your spot, you tell me to grow up. thanks.

lindsay:
"7- get over it, they like each other.. let her live a little.. you cant have everyone"

ok, first of all, last time i checked, you weren't involved in this at all. it's between me and her, not you. second of all, i'm going to assume that you don't know the whole story, because you don't talk to him, i do. you don't know him, i do. and the last part of your little statement "you cant have everyone".. alright, who said anything about me wanting to have him? umm, not me. this goes along with you not knowing the whole story. you, like meredith, don't know my point of view on this situation, so just step out and leave me alone. how does it feel now that someone is being "brutally honest" with you?

so i've realized a few things since i woke up this morning. one: there is one person that i can trust right now. aaron. i've known all of you longer than i've known him, so why is he the only i can rely on? shouldn't i be able to trust you guys, too? but at first chance, you talk behind my back. thanks.

and aaron, thank you. honestly. i may need that ride to the middle of nowhere sooner than expected. any suggestions on the flavor of ice cream?

sometimes we take chances and ignore the danger signs..

here we are, friday the 13th, and i'm home alone. how lovely. i think today had to be predestined to be a bad day.

gym >> we played football and i got stuck on a team with all the cheerleaders. ugh. but i scored a TD, baby. yeah, me and grace--we rock this town. english >> anna wore my freakin' awesome shoes.. and rachel and i totally forgot to do our homework (oops).. and we watched more romeo and juliet. resource >> i snuggled down with my new teenvogue and apparently i'm going out with matt mcdee. geometry >> had an easy day french >> ok, so this is where my day goes downhill.. every day. this whole erin/retard (sorry, i'm not allowed to use names, but that fits, too) thing is not working out for me.. or matt mcdee for that matter. i don't even know what to do anymore. i'm so worried about her. i've talked to a bunch of people about everything and i've gotten their opinions, and sorry to say, but he doesn't fit you, erin, and you know that. i know you like him, and that's fine and dandy, but you know that he doesn't fit into your standards. and i don't want you to sell yourself short just because you want to have some fun. i know, this all coming from me, queen of horrible crushes, but i can see what you're getting yourself into because i've been there. and you know what, it sucks. it really does. because you'll get to know each other and it'll all be a dream come true, then something will backfire, and i'll have to come over to your house with cookie dough, flowers, ice cream, and a chick flick. and i wouldn't mind doing that, but i can see where this going now, and i don't want you to have to go through it. like i said, i've been in your exact situation. if it seems like i'm mad at you, i'm not. if it seems like i'm being a total jerk, maybe, but it's not because i want you to be miserable. i'm trying to look out for you and i don't want to step back and just see this all come tumbling down. now, if you go tomorrow night, fine, be careful. but just remember what i said.

And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
To everything you are
So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard

What if I ripped your heart apart at the seams
Maybe then you'd know how I feel

I can honestly say
That I never, ever, ever felt this way
Your lips, your eyelashes, your skin
These are the parts of your body
That cause my comatose to begin

So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about you constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
Your life anymore

I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well

today was one heck of a day.

i just don't know what to do anymore. it seems that i don't even play a part in my own life anymore. i know that sounds strange, but i just feel like i'm watching it play on tv. i'm just entranced by my own misfortune, i forget to jump through the screen and take control of my life again.

i don't take losing very easily, and i had to today. courtney houston took over my position as class secretary, and i love her to death, but it sucked. i'm not going to lie about it, i wanted to win and i didn't. go figure. story of my life.

"it seems that i am thinking every thought that there may be to think all in a single day." lately, i've just been thinking about everything. and i guess, when i think, it doesn't ever work because i never like the outcome.

my friends aren't even my friends anymore. a few of them i don't trust at all. i just feel every time i turn aroud, she's saying something about me again.

life is so unfair. i work so hard trying to just have one thing for myself, and that gets taken away too. so what am i left with? a notebook full of dates and numbers that weren't worth a thing. lovely. i've got pity, i don't want it. i want solidity. something real. but no, can't have that either.

i need you.. more than you will ever know. please. just be here for me. now i need you the most.. more than ever before. i'm just breaking down inside and no one can pick up the pieces. no one even has the key inside of me, no one but you. i trust you with all my secrets and you don't even listen. that's what i need from you right now. just be that guy.

must i always be waiting, waiting on you?

after quite a bit of thinking today, i have come to the conclusion that, currently, life sucks. honestly.

track is over. that was the only think keeping me slightly sane. now, i come home and life passes by at an alarmingly slow rate and i can't do a thing about it.

girls and guys and all the problems they bring. let's start with the first--girls. gahh. why do people get so catty? and they think they are the center of the universe and eeryone should kiss the ground upon which they walk. umm, no. reality check, here, ladies. to be honest, you're not all that high and mighty like you think you are. come down off the pedastool from which you look down on us all, because you are no better.

now, on to a different group of ladies. look, i know y'all are mad at each other and everything, but does that five you the right to talk about them behind their backs? i know i've been guilty of doing the same thing, but honestly, people, you know how our group is. the things you say never stay a secret. that person always finds out and you try to make up excuses for yourself. it hurts, it's pointless, just stop.

another girl -- i'm tired of you taking what you know i am self-concious about and using it to make fun of me. i trused you, but you've really gone too far.

one more.. gahh, i wish i could read your mind and see what you're thinking. i don't think you know what you're getting yourself into and i'm not a big fan of picking up the pieces if you get hurt. so be careful, alright?

now, guys. wow. i don't even have the slightest clue of what to do anymore. if i had three wishes. the first and most important would be for someone to care. that simple. that's all i want.

my second wish would expand upon that. make it a guy who i could always depend on. who was my best friend. when i'm sick, he'd bring me tissues and chicken noodle soup. on my birthday, he'd bring me daisies and the latest teenvogue because he knows nothing in the world will make me happier. he'll come to all my hockey games and track meets and give me hugs when i suck. when it's raining and i'm stuck inside, he'll come get meand we'll go for a walk--in the pouring rain. he'll come over and hang out for no reason at all other than he hadn't seen me for a while. he'll be awake wen i call him at two in the morning.. because i can't sleep. it's just been one of those days. he'll goof around with me.. sing "she thinks my tractor's sexy" in my backyard while we're wearing cowboy hats. he won't be afraid to stick up for me. he won't have those stupid "freshman" rules--in fact, he'll gladly give me a hug in the hallway to cheer me up. he'll be thoughtful and spontaneous. he'll help me cram for finals. he'll always have time for me, he won't have to work me into his schedule around his girlfriend. if i need something from the grocery store, he won't think twice about it. just those simple things. funny how they mean so much to me.

and my third wish? that the first two would come true, not just in my dreams.

i'm here sitting, wishing, waiting on you..

today was umm.. full. photo >> developed 3 new pictures and listened to some incubus with tyler. english >> more participial phrases and romeo and juliet. class council >> if i'm elected next year, i get to go to prom. sweet. :) and i'm super excited for the bazaar. what if one of the courtney's win? they'll have no clue what's going on. that annoys me. deeply. geometry >> blah. test. french >> me and erin. erin and me. and dan. it's over my hear. dan. oy. track >> handed in my uniform.. it's officially over now. how sad. :( then >> i walked with coder over to the softball game, then ali, tori, and autumn showed up. the game didn't start until 4, so we walked to tori's so she could chance, and autumn and i ran to the uni-mart. we got a tub of ice cream for the 4 of us to devour (which we did.. note to self: tori loves strawberry ice cream). then we walekd back to lindsay and grace, but i left early and walked up to the baseball game.

pat and aj, i love you two with all my heart, but that was cruel. *evil eye* and you laughed. ha. ha. :-P

so how do i feel about the two of you? i don't like it.. at all. but i'll lie so at least you can be happy.

where have you been? i miss you. would you notive if i were ever gone? have you ever wondered that? have you ever wondered what people would do if you disappeared? what if i died? what if i just didn't show up for school one day and no one knew what happened? who would notive? who would care? who would look for me? who would worry? if you found me, who would never let me go? what woul you say? if i died, would you cry? or would you shrug it off? i wish i could read people's feelings.. or i wish i wouldn't have to. i want friends that i know would cry, worry, look for me. i hate having to wonder.

i've finally figured me out and waht i see isn't too pretty.

i have so many regrets..

cheaters never win and winners never cheat..

Happy Mother's Day!

today has been pretty good.. I got up around 8, and my mom picked me up at 9.. we rode down to maryland and she opened her gift (she loved the bracelet that i made her).. and we hung out with granny and claude and the smith's until 3.. that was nice. josh was there. it was kind of awkward at first because he didn't really say anything to me, but then he came into the living room, and said "hey squirt" and it took me straight to where we were the last time i saw him 5 years ago.. in that living room, and he was saying "bye squirt, love ya.." it was just like, wow, he's back. i didn't realize how much i had missed him until i saw him again today. we talked for a while and i asked him if he knew about my trip and he's like, "just because i haven't been around, doesn't mean i haven't asked about you. every time aunt mary came to visit i made sure that you and tyler were doing okay. i'm an only child, you're like my younger sister.. i know what i did was stupid and that i haven't been here, but i'm here now. i want to know every detail about your trip." that was nice..

so now i'm talking to elliot.. crazy man.. gotta love him.. haha

and jordan and i are going to go clubbin' some weekend. yes, i heart that child.

Smilee Barnacle: We're going to an underage club
Smilee Barnacle: haha
Blondie3535: SWEET!
Blondie3535: i wanna go, come get me!
Smilee Barnacle: umm
Smilee Barnacle: who do you think we is?
Blondie3535: oh, me?
Smilee Barnacle: yeah

in sleep he sang to me..

last night i went to emily's with a yellow rose and some ice cream for her :) haha and we watched 'dirty dancing' and 'save the last dance'.. good times.. i love those girls..

Christine:
In sleep he sang to me
In dreams he came
That voice which calls to me
And speaks my name
And do I dream again?
For now I find
The phantom of the opera is there,
Inside my mind

Phantom:
Sing once again with me
Our strange duet
My power over you
Grows stronger yet
And though you turn from me to glance behind
The phantom of the opera is there
Inside your mind

Christine:
Those who have seen your face
Draw back in fear
I am the mask you wear

Phantom:
It's me they hear

Both:
My/Your spirit and my/your voice
In one combined
The phantom of the opera is there inside my/your mind

Chorus:
Is that the phantom of the opera?
Beware the phantom of the opera

Phantom:
In all your fantasies you always knew
That man and mystery

Christine:
Were both in you

Both:
And in this labrinth
Where night is blind
The Phantom of the opera is here/there

Christine:
Inside my mind

Phantom: Sing, my Angel of Music!

Christine:
He's there, the Phantom of the Opera . .

the phantom of the opera is there inside my mind..

vriens, glenn, shuleski, stuber, concepcion, and rouse were all in an accident, but everyone's okay. what a story to tell to your kids. "on prom night, i was in an accident.." wow. el, i loved the tux. stuber, you were beautiful. pat and alicia, same to you.. beautiful as always.

phantom of the opera.. an amazing movie.

i love good nights with the girls.

he's horny!

he's hott.. well, the right side of him..

whoa, look at her boobs! they're so.. up!

they're all out.. making babies.. i want to make babies!

oh man, the shirt's coming off the shoulder! down the shoulder!

think of me..
Think of me
think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me
once in a while -
please promise me
you'll try.
When you find
that once again
you long
to take your heart back
and be free -
if you
ever find a moment,
spare a thought
for me
We never said
our love
was evergreen,
or as unchanging
as the sea -
but if you can still
remember
stop and think
of me . . .
Think of all the things
we've shared and seen -
don't think about the things
which might have been . . .
Think of me,
think of me waking,
silent and
resigned.
Imagine me,
trying too hard
to put you
from my mind.
Recall those days
look back
on all those times,
think of the things
we'll never do -
there will
never be
a day, when
I won't think
of you . .

I don't want to fall asleep 'cause I'll miss you, baby..

I don't want to close my eyes.
Why?
Because I'm so afraid that you won't be there when I open them again.
I'll always be here. Close your eyes.

so last night around 10:30 my phone started to ring, and i was already out like a light. i did not want to move. but it was dan and he left a message, so i would have felt bad just ignoring it. so we talked for quite a while.. and sang songs.

the itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout
down came the rain and washed the spider out
out came the sun and dried up all the rain and
the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again

i must say, out of everyone's opinions, i'm with matt on this one..

tonight is prom. heck yes, i'm so excited, because i'm going with my peaches! hahaha.. sometime today i think i'm doing lindsay's nails.. and then tonight, since apparently the tavern is off (by the way, thanks for telling me about that), i guess we're all going over to kristin's to watch phantom of the opera. or i might call grace, i kinda want to hang out with her.. unless she's going to kristin's, then i'll go, too. so who really knows what will happen tonight.

elliot! I LOVE THE TUX! you are my hero! but remember what kate and i told you. if you do anything stupid with heather, she'll kill you then bring you back to life so i can kill you. i know you're smarter than that.. just don't let her serve you any drinks (ya know, since she is the man and all.. she asked you, she'll get the drinks.. that's just weird)

if any of y'all have new plans for tonight, let me know.

doctor, doctor, gimme the news, i gotta bad case of lovin you

ok, so we'll start with yesterday. photo.. we developed some of our pictures. mine turned out pretty well. english.. more romeo and juliet. :) geometry.. BLAH! french.. more of adam dissing elvis. psh to him. but funny conversations from the "educational movie"..

8. Where is the best view of the city?
gabe: WHOA, SH"ES NAKED!
adam: I guess that's the best view of the city!

"it looks like it's ejaculating!" -- referring to the fountain, of course

adam: you let us watch a hedgehog make love to a sponge, but you have to censor educational videos. what is wrong with america today?

then practice was pretty easy.. we went for a 20 minute run, then did some striders on the infield.

TODAY.. gym.. went to the weight room.. i leg pressed 200 just to beat tori and kristin. kendra and i got into a little tiff, too. english.. watched romeo and juliet.. geometry.. went on a field trip to the parking lot.. french.. got in a fight with erin ;) then kara, courtney, and i left for the track meet in bermudian springs.

the meet today was just.. ugh. no one got a pr, the track was insanely hard.. and their hurdles were like our old yellow ones.. just bad. i wasn't a fan, and didn't do very well. but it was a fun senior day. pat, aj, lieto, and rutz.. haha boy, do we have fun. first of all, i'm going to prom with pat. :) haha and i stole austin's pictures (without the consent of Mrs. Roach), but then i gave them back because I had to hurry to the 300's. but later, i told him that i had pictures for him.. that was amusing.

so, during the guys 800 run, bren was standing on the side of the track with harker.. they had the infield roped off and the hurdles were on the side of the rope closer to the track.. during the race, bren was like "GO NOW!" (go figure) and he backed up.. he tripped over the hurdles and over the rope and landed flat on his butt.. it was the funniest thing i have ever seen.. ahh, amusing.

me: excuse me, this chicken doesn't really look like chicken, are you sure this isn't a boca burger? who does that?
austin: umm, are you alright?
me: oh, uhh, hey!

PEACHES! Pat Roach is a beast! wow, that was highly amusing.

'"for a good time, e-mail watkins at babiesbabiesbabies@iwanttohavemarysbabies.com ;)"
annie: wow, mary, i think he likes you..

anthony: lieto said he'd totally do you!! didn't he aj?
aj: well, yeah, who wouldn't?

i heart my peaches. hey abby, will you go to prom with me? i heart aj. excuse me, can i squeeze in here? i heart rutz. beautiful, i just want you to know you're my favorite girl. i heart lieto. you look just like my aly. <3

I don't ever want to grow up..

.. last thursday at camp hill .. harker gets on the bus holding a jacket

harker: does anyone want to claim this jacket? there is, umm, a femine product in the product.
girls: uhh, nope..
harker: okay..
annie: what size is it?
harker: (turns red) well, umm, i don't know, what size do they come in?
annie: yeah, i was totally talking about the jacket.

.. this morning in the weight room .. grace and i are doing the medicine ball
me: kendra, you and autumn can do a few crunches on the ground while we finish up..
kendra: what's a crunch?
me: you've got to be kidding me.
grace: she can't be serious.
kendra: oh, uhh, yeahh. i remember now..

today was an up-and-down day. we lifted this morning in gym class, which was pretty stupid of me, because i was dead for the meet. then in english, ms. zimmerman let me teach the class about gerunds.. that rocked. then there was mike, "why? why? why?" jerk. then i had a dentist appointment that i forgot about.. in french, tyler and i were partners for a review game that we did.. lol that was amusing. "what would you do if umm, i did this?" stop. it. then emily got me in the nnine game.. twice. so i did 20 push ups.. in the middle of french class. jerk.

track meet today.. ran for points again. i placed (sweet) and lowered my time by .7 seconds (also sweet). so new pr and first point. sweet. thanks aj. ;) you're the best.

then there is pat roach.. who i no longer have any words to describe him. he's absolutely incredible, amazing. he will forever be my hero.

pat: yeah, i ran a 50.48 (talking to kristin)
austin: yeah, he ran like a 51.3 or something (talking to shives)
me: mhmm, because 50.48 and 51.3 are totally the same thing.. (talking to kristin)
--i look over at rutz and he was staring at me like i was crazy--
me: umm.. oops.. you weren't supposed to hear that
austin: attitude. geez. :)

senior night was tonight. seeing all the seniors walk out onto the field was definitely a jolt to reality. i don't want to grow up..

sometimes you can't make it on your own..

queen: rachel
rayray08dawg: hey

king: elliot
Blondie3535: kate and i about you today
Elster5306: ?
Elster5306: did you forge tthe word talked

so umm, yeah, now 2 people are running against me. lovely.

"i'm paul bunyon, i'm going to cut down your cherry tree."
"uhh, i think that was george washington."
"yeah, that's who paul bunyon is."
"no.. no, tyler, it's not."

that was highly amusing..

and at track.. along with me singing songs with aj..

pat: austin, abbi wants you..
austin: --puts his arm over my shoulder-- i know, she's always wanted me..
me: umm, yeah, too bad he meant abbi roth.
austin: oh, uhh, right.. good call.

went to aniles for dinner.. now i'm just hanging out here with emma doing absolutely nothing.. yeah, see y'all tomorrow.

-me

the angel closes her eyes, the confusion that was hers..

Lightning crashes, a new mother cries
Her placenta falls to the floor
The angel opens her eyes
The confusion sets in
Before the doctor can even close the door

Lightning crashes, an old mother dies
Her intentions fall to the floor
The angel closes her eyes
The confusion that was hers
Belongs now, to the baby down the hall

Oh now feel it comin’ back again
Like a rollin’ thunder chasing the wind
Forces pullin’ from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.

Lightning crashes, a new mother cries
This moment she’s been waiting for
The angel opens her eyes
Pale blue colored iris, presents the circle
And puts the glory out to hide, hide

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away..

eww, we went to the early service this morning. that was annoying.. i was up at 7:15.. but it was alright, though. the geidel's, lee's, askey's, and houck's all go to the first service, so that was cool.

i tried to get aaron in the nnine game. i was like, "nice shirt, who's is it?" and he was like, "mi.. i'm not saying it." dang it. nice try, though, right?

i didn't get a chance to talk to frank at church, that was kinda disappointing.

we went out after church to sam and doris'.. i'm getting kind of tired of that place. we go there all the time. but while we were eating, maryanna, jerry, and frank all came up to us and we talked for a while. on our way out, i said bye to frank.. we talked for a little while, that was nice. i'll miss him. :(

but now i'm here until 2:30, then we're heading over to letort for evan's party.. i get to hang out with the family. elliot is only the coolest kid ever. i love how he knows everything and is so honest about it. every time i talk to him, it's usually about my latest mess.. and he gives great advice. and he owns in raquetball.. haha not today, i will come out on top, you just wait and see. then there's brett.. he's crazy. i've lived with him for 14 and a half years.. and he knows everything that there is to know about me. he would be the only person in the world to win the 'abby trivia' game. not only does he know every detail from before i could talk, i tell him everything now. some people may be close, but he would definitely be the winner. emma--ok, so she's not family, but she'll be there today. also very crazy.. queen of the dork world. haha we're geeks when we get together.. and she has to spend 4 whole days with me. mwoahahah (evil laugh).

alright, here is my schedule for next year..

semester 1
b1 -- biology .. mills
b2 -- english 2 .. shenk
b3 (odd) -- speech .. shields
b3 (even) -- yearbook .. shields
b4 -- honors alg 2 .. ruane

semester 2
b1 -- honors french 3 .. vanasdalan
b2 -- honors american history 2 .. freese
b3 (odd) -- graphic arts 2 .. heiser
b3 (even) -- yearbook .. shields
b4 (1, 5) -- you & your career .. o'marr
b4 (2, 4) -- gym .. bisking
b4 (3, 6) -- safety ed .. wright

let me know if i have anything with you. :)

-beam