this used to be my playground.

This used to be my playground
This used to be my childhood dream
This used to be the place I ran to
Whenever I was in need
Of a friend
Why did it have to end
And why do they always say

Don't look back
Keep your head held high
Don't ask them why
Because life is short
And before you know
You're feeling old
And your heart is breaking
Don't hold on to the past
Well that's too much to ask

Live and learn
Well the years they flew
And we never knew
We were foolish then
We would never tire
And that little fire
Is still alive in me
It will never go away
Can't say goodbye to yesterday

No regrets
But I wish that you
Were here with me
Well then there's hope yet
I can see your face
In our secret place
You're not just a memory
Say goodbye to yesterday
Those are words I'll never say

This used to be my playground
This used to be our pride and joy
This used to be the place we ran to
That no one in the world could dare destroy

This used to be our playground
This used to be our childhood dream
This used to be the place we ran to
I wish you were standing here with me

This used to be our playground
This used to be our great escape
This used to be the place we ran to
This used to be our secret hiding place

This used to be our playground
This used to be our childhood dream
This used to be the place we ran to
The best things in life are always free
Wishing you were here with me

no matter where life takes me, a part of me will always be with you..

yesterday was nice :)

so we'll see what happens with today. i woke up this morning at 10, that was nice. around 10:15, i got a call from autumn, tori, and kristin.. haha autumn is crazier than usual, tori is the same, but then there is kristin. the freaking moron slow danced with austin rutz. jerk. haha it's all pat's fault. i decided we need to have an after-track dance, so that way we can be even, but i don't think that'll happen. i can't believe her luck.

so then i came home, went to the bead shop with my dad for a little, then i came home, read a book, and i've been working out a little. track is over on thursday and summer is coming and i am not even close to looking okay in a bathing suit.. so i gotta work on that.

i have to clean my room sometime soon, too. tonight, we're going out for dinner--tokyo diner, baby! i love that place! haha, so that's exciting. then we're going to the mall to get some stuff for evan's birthday party tomorrow.. and i'm getting my cool bermuda shorts from american eagle. woohoo :-D haha, then i'm coming home, watching breakfast at tiffany's again, because i fell asleep in the middle of it. then i'll probably watch win a date with tad hamilton again, just because i'm in love with pete (yes, aaron, he does exist. do not crush my hopes and dreams).. then off to bed because i have to go to church in the morning (tlc this week. ick.) and be lively for evan's party.. after the party, i'm going to grammy's, where i will spend the next week with emma.. woohoo!

El, party details have changed, give me a call.

there's something about you that i can hold on to..

todat was a great day.

gym.. lovely..

english.. more romeo and juliet..

geometry.. boring..

french.. fun!!! haha we creamed tyler.. that's right, i own. what's with you and licking? haha you're so immature. lol SHE TOLD YOU!

track.. practice was half an hour.. that totally rocked my world! and no practice over the weekend.. woohoo!

so then at 5:30, i met up with jordan at the coffee shop and we hung out for 3 and half hours. "the great 56".. nerd. and the whole gay guy thing.. making out on the couch.. lovely. let's play spit, oh that's right, you don't know how. "i'm too slow for abby, she likes it fast."

came home, watched win a date with tad hamilton and now i'm watching breakfast at tiffany's.. haha today is a great day!

bswrestlerdork06: what is the greatest area of a rectangle bounded by the x-axis and the semi-circle y=the square root of (25-x^2)
Blondie3535: uhh.. right..
Blondie3535: x=apple pie to me :)
bswrestlerdork06: x is gay
Blondie3535: ok, then y=ben and jerry's
bswrestlerdork06: x+y= ben is gay with jerry
Blondie3535: fine.. x+y=icing with austin rutz
bswrestlerdork06: x+y= i sit by austin in calculus and i hit on him everyday;-)

Blondie3535: this guy is so sweet!
Blondie3535: he knows everything about this girl and is sticking up for her.. aww.. Blondie3535: :'(
Blondie3535: haha
bswrestlerdork06: ok... your done
bswrestlerdork06: its a movie
bswrestlerdork06: im ruining the moment
bswrestlerdork06: that guy doesnt exist
Blondie3535: well, he should!
Blondie3535: he really, really should.

so next time i see aaron, i owe him 20 push ups. yuck. haha

"ever get that feeling that you're afraid, but you don't know what you're afraid of?"

I don't know where to begin
I don't know how to get out there to see you
I don't know where to dig in.
I don't know how to get in there:to feel you

It's been to long and I'm about to be in time for me
It's been to long and I'm in time

Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold on to that
Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold on to that

I never thought I would win
I never thought much about that.
(It's been a long time coming)
I never stopped to begin
Thinking about the process.
(It's been a long time coming)

It's been to long and I'm about to be in time for me
It's been to long and I'm in time

Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold on to that
Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold on to that

I don't know where to begin
I don't know how to get out there to see you

Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold on to that
Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold on to that

It's been a long time coming
I'm going to hold on to that

And I'm going to be there:be there alright

i'll take you to the candy shop..

today was alright.

photo rocked today.. we shot again. woohoo, i'm always excited to develop my pictures. took some good ones today. i made tyler sit in a pile of cut grass.. turns out, he's allergic to grass. oops. haha then he picked me flowers.. err, weeds.. but it was a sweet gesture, right? haha then theresa was like, "hey you two, smile! aww, you're so cute." i'm like, just take the freaking picture, before amber sees this and tells tasha. can't wait to see it though. :)

english.. more romeo and juliet. the movie is hilarious. haha

meeting today.. can't wait for next year! the bazaar will totally kick butt!

geometry.. boring.

french.. gabe and tyler were in an interesting mood.. "i lost my virginity! i touched gabe's knee!" they drew all over my leg (losers.) and would not leave me alone! but i left early for track.

eww, the meet was horrible. girls won 90-something to 50-something with only half the team. their track is cinder and i didn't have the right spikes. it poured the first 10 minutes we were there.. and it was FREEZING. so it was just.. bad.

"so i went a huntin' thee othur day and i sawed a terkie, so i grabb-ed my guun, and shooted it down. then it thunk-ed on da ground, and i says to meself, 'i just shooted dat terkie.. i'sa gonna eet it.' "

i'll take you to the candy shop.. oh man, aj, i heart you! thanks for the talk.. i needed it. :)

thank you for that one last chance..

i'm running for points tomorrow at camp hill. stupid cinder track. should be interesting.

ya'll have fun in va beach! love you!

this is how you remind me of what i really am..

hate constantine, love this song..

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
for handing you a heart worth breaking
and I've been wrong, i've been down,
been to the bottom of every bottle
these five words in my head
scream are we having fun yet?

it's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you

And this is how, you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how, you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
for handing you a heart worth breaking
and I've been wrong, i've been down,
been to the bottom of every bottle
these five words in my head
scream are we having fun yet?

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
for handing you a heart worth breaking
and I've been wrong, i've been down,
been to the bottom of every bottle
these five words in my head
scream are we having fun yet?

I'll take you to the candy shop..

today was a good day.

photo.. we enlarged a photo.. mine was awesome. kendra was so pouty, it was great.

english.. more romeo and juliet. haha i <3>

geometry.. easy. go figure.

french.. did my presentation.. hung out with my buddy, adam. "you set yourself up for that one, sweetheart." oh, and "watch out, baby, i'm your man from the 50s." win a date with matt mcdee. haha funny guy.

track meet.. so freaking annoying. they put me in the 100h exhibition.. during the real race, bix and stuber had 1st and 2nd, the girl in 3rd fell, and the girl that ended up really getting 3rd had a worse time than i did.. we could have swept. stupid harker. then in the 300, i ran for points and got my pr (59.4), but i got 4th. how annoying. the girl that fell in the 100 ended up getting 2nd to bix, with me and kate getting the next 2 places.

pat roach, you never cease to amaze me. this boy ran the 4x4 for the first time in his life and still managed to smoke everyone with a freaking 50.4! holy crap! who does that?!? you're wonderful, i can not believe it. dang.

rutz and lieto--you two are the weirdest people i have ever met. "from this distance, what kind of gun would you use to kill everyone at the finish line?" and how about this one, "sex and weapons, what a great combination." you are an interesting man, austin rutz. funny funny.

mmkay, i'm out.. english homework is calling. au revoir!

-beam

story time with maria..

today was good.. probably because i was hardly at school.

slept in this morning.. that was nice. :)

gym class.. more volleyball. my team sucks. am i the only normal person on it?

english.. participial phrases, yuck.. then i left early for my orthodontist appointment.

they took off the braces, gave me retainers.. and my smile est superbe. yay! haha that was exciting. for lunch, we went to that chinese restaraunt by the carlisle coffee shop, then stopped in for some caramel macchiatos.

i got back to school at 1:05, was 5 minutes late for my appointment with mr. mcquaig.. oops. but he was cool. i told him that mr. shields okayed me fo yearbook and i signed up for 2 more honors classes, dropping the home ec sampler (what the heck?!) and fundamentals of art and design.. hopefully, i can keep photo 2. he said he needed a few days to figure it all out and try to make my schedule work, so i'll go down there again in a few days.

after that, it was 1:45 and i only had an hour of french class left.. sweet. how exciting.

practice today.. more people ineligible.. and hazing (tim conklin and brett badman have been permanently removed from the team) at the park. stupid guys. while coach was talking, all of a sudden, pat, lieto, rutz, aj, and weiland all look over at me and smile.. i'm like, uhh, alright? and they kept doing it! i'm like, stop it! turns out they were just comparing me to aly halstead.. i guess i look the way she did when she was a freshman. shut up, aj, i hate you.

then hurdling with bix and stuber.. heck yes, that was a blast. 1, 2, 3, seizure dance!

anna--i want to sex you up!
me--uhh, thanks.
rutz--ya know what, i'm not even going to ask

meet tomorrow against scotland. "scotland. in their kilts. oh, yes, the scots. boy, gotta love them scots. oh, matey, they're kilts may not be worn. they would be disqualified. oy vay!" oh, gotta love bren.

one more anthem for the know-it-all..

friday.

king: austin
queen: bix

saturday.

king: my dad (haha lindsay). no really, matt.
queen: lindsay

today.

king: sean
queen: erin, grace, and brianne.

and i said how 'bout breakfast at tiffany's?

not such a bad day so far.

got up at 7 this morning, went out for breakfast with the family.. always such good food, yay for sam and doris'. then we went to cefc, where grace was awfully hungry during prayer. haha it was totally silent then all of a sudden you hear grace's stomach growling, incredibly loudly may i add, and it was so hard not to laugh. funny, funny. then matt mcdee, grace, erin, and i decided that we were going to have a movie night sometime to watch breakfast at tiffany's.. and while we are watching, i will tape matt's mouth shut so that we can enjoy the rain. what a party pooper.

so now i'm home, working on my french project.. it's easier than i thought it would be, since i already have my pictures, and the back of the book gives you all the passe composee for the verbs. sweet.

tonight, oasis at 6. bring a flashlight, knee pads, and a banana. ???. wonder what jon's up to. ahh, i love that church.

stole this from erin's xanga.. :)

people do fall in love
people do belong to each other
because that's the only chance
anybody's got for real happiness
you call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing
and your terrified somebody's going to stick you in a cage
well, baby, you're already in that cage..
--**-- Breakfast at Tiffany's --**--

love, i don't like to see so much pain..

"my dad".. the new "your mom" haha.

lindsay left about half an hour ago and i'm bored already. i finished our necklaces.. they are so fun! i love them.. yay! i can just picture it.. our ae bermuda's, pink shirts, white flip flops, and necklaces. lol twins! yes! i'm insanely jealous of you all that are going to va beach. you'll come back with killer tans and have such a freaking blast. i despise you.

should have gone out with erin and emily tonight.. no one had a ride. should have gone to tim's tonight, didn't have a ride. it sucks being young. can't wait till i'm 16 and can drive my own butt around, and do whatever, whenever. it will be great. but instead, i'm sitting in my room, staring out my window, watching the rain pelt my windows, and listening for the sound of thunder and the flash of lightning.

tomorrow.. church at cefc (the parents like it, that's a good sign), then just chilling for the day.. and working on my french project. fun.

a song from the best 80's movie ever.. say anything..

"in your eyes"
Accepting all I’ve done and said
I want to stand and stare again
Til there’s nothing left out, oh
It remains there in your eyes
Whatever comes and goes
I will hear your silent call
I will touch this tender wall
Til I know I’m home again

In your eyes

Love I get so lost, sometimes
Days pass and this emptiness fills my hear
tWhen I want to run away
I drive off in my car
But whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are

And all my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

In your eyes
The light the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
The heat I see in your eyes

In your eyes

Love, I don’t like to see so much pain
So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

And all my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

In your eyes
The light the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
The heat I see in your eyes

In your eyes

Accepting all I’ve done and said
I want to stand and stare again
Til there’s nothing left out, oh
It remains there in your eyes
Whatever comes and goes
Oh it’s in your eyes

In your eyes

I want to stand and stare again
Oh, it’s in your eyes.

you love me, but you don't know who i am, so let me go..

1. kindergarten with mrs. hall.. the best days of my life
2. the day before vince died. i'd tell him not to fly his airplane alone, but to stay with me.
3. creation two years ago. i would have been honest.
4. one night at the beach, sitting in the widow's tower, watching the lightning.
5. that one monday morning, i would make my bed, so i wouldn't be grounded for the game that night.
6. the last skate night i went to. and i'd read the poem more carefully.. and do what it said.
7. the night of mission impossible in the car. i would've been honest.
8. when i was little, running around in the fields of flowers at my granny's house. i'd finish off the day being pushed on the swing in the tree.
9. last tuesday at my track meet. for just one second, i knew he'd always be there.
10. the days with kendra before stevie.. when we made movies and thought it was cool to be stupid.. just the two of us.

when everything's made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am..

la night! heck, yes.

it's a small town after all.. dude, that's huge.. cowboy hats in american eagle.. "i have those flip flops!" "good."

A - Age you got your first kiss: yesterday.. heck yes. ;)
B - Band listening to right now: goo goo dolls
C - Crush: hmm..
D - Dad's name: terry.. aka gilligan
E - Easiest person to talk to: lindsay, erin, grace, emily, and kendra
F - Favorite band at the moment: concrete blonde
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?: the sour gummy worms and the family gummi bears
H - Hometown: carlisle
I - Instruments: umm.. i play the kazoo very well
J - Junior High: um.. YBMS
K - Kids: i want a boy and a girl
L - Longest car ride ever: 2 day trip to florida
M - Mom's name: Cathy
N - Nicknames: beam, beamer, beamy, bo-, abster (jonny boy)
O - One wish: i wish that i could be taken away for a day and read people's minds. i just want to be missing for one day and see what people really thought.. so i would know the truth and no one could lie. that would be great.

P - Phobia[s]: guys with long fingernails.. yuck.
Q - Quote: ''i don't often get things right the first time. in fact, i've been told that a lot."
R - Reason to smile: "sit on him."
S - Song you sang last: it's a small town after all.. lol
T - Time you woke up [today]: 6:30
U - Unknown fact about me: i love bermuda shorts. heck yes!
V - Vegetable you hate: brussel sprouts.. especially with vinegar
W - Worst habit(s): falling for the losers.
X - X-rays you've had: haha those x-rays they take at the orthodontist. yes!
Y - Yummy food: CHEESECAKE! chinese.. and sarah's milkshakes.
Z - Zodiac sign: libra

when doves cry..

william shakespeare's romeo and juliet.

how can you just leave me standing alone in a world that's so cold?
maybe I'm just too demanding
maybe I'm just like my father: too bold.
maybe you're just like my mother. She's never satisfied.
why do we scream at each other?
this is what it sounds like when doves cry.
yes, they cry, oh they cry.
how can you just leave me standing alone in a world that's so cold?
maybe I'm just too demanding.
maybe I'm just like my father: too bold.
maybe you're just like my mother.
she's never satisfied.
why do we scream at each other?
this is what it sounds like when doves cry.
this is what it sounds like.
this is what it sounds like.
this is what it sounds like.

dream, if you can, a courtyard, an ocean of violets in bloom.
animals strike curious poses.
they feel the heat, the heat between me and you.
maybe you're just like my mother.
she's never satisfied.
she's never satisfied.

why do we scream at each other?
this is what it sounds like when doves cry.
doves cry, you know that they cry.
you know that they cry.
you know that they cry.
you know that they cry.
you know that they cry.
how can you just leave me standing
(you know that they cry)
alone in a world that's so cold?
(you know that they cry)
maybe I'm just too demanding.
(you know that they cry)
maybe I'm just like my father: too bold.
(you know that they cry)
maybe you're just like my mother.
(you know that they cry)
she's never satisfied.
(you know that they cry)
why do we scream at each other?
(you know that they cry)
this is what it sounds like when doves cry.

I want to know what makes you cry..

hey, just got back from one crazy day.

i've decided that i like those days that are really hard to get through. it just makes you a stronger person. if i can take it all in stride, it's ok. just breathe, and everything will be alright. i just need to keep telling myself that.

this morning, went to the orthodontist and they took off most of my braces. heck yes. she killed me. i swear, she was mad at the world and taking it out on my teeth. i was like, geez, woman, easy! then me and my dad had to drive to mechanicsburg to get my bookbag because sarah took it.. then we came home, i made myself a fluffer nutter, and went to school.

of course, i arrived just in time for resource where i had a freaking meeting for the 3rd day this week. and guess what? i've got another one tomorrow. i kind of left in the middle to go schedule my appointmenet with my guidance counselor. monday from 1-1:30. it's a fun time.

geometry. blah. something needs to happen in that class.

french, also blah. creamed tyler in the game, no surprise there.

elisabeth: that's my pen.. from like, last semester.
tyler: no it's not.. it's mine. i got it from church. i went to the, uhh.. *looks at pen* 7 steps to.. sexual.. purity.. conference.
me: yeah, i can tell that did a lot for you.

track.. agh. ran 2 500's, 2 400's, and was supposed to run 3 300's. hurdlers only did 1 300, followed by a hurdle workout that we all had no energy to do. it was amusing. then me and bix helped out greg, nick, kaitlin, and meg with the hurdles.. that was fun. then i waited around for half an hour.. with thomas and his tampon (hilarious story).

at 5:30, i went over to spring meadows and walked around with erin until 7:15, when we hung out with daniel (haha.) and his sister. i stole his soccer ball and ran with it.. sat on his trunk so he couldn't get his shoes.. sat on his trunk so he couldn't leave.. he picked me up and sat me on the ground, so i stole his cell phone and ran with it. that was quite amusing. he got really annoyed.. i loved it. haha

k, going to eat dinner now. i love getting home at 8 and it's still light out. :)

sew this up with threads of reason and regret

one year, six months by yellowcard

sew this up with threads of reason and regret
so i will not forget, i will not forget
how this felt one year six months ago
i know i cannot forget, i cannot forget

i'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
follow me there
a beautiful somewhere
a place that i can share with you

i can tell that you don't know me anymore
it's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
and being on this road is anything but sure
maybe we'll forget, i hope we don't forget

i'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
follow me there
a beautiful somewhere
a place that i can share with you

so many tights, legs tangled tight
wrap me up in a dream with you
close up these eyes, try not to cry
all that i've got to pull me through is memories of you

i'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
follow me there
a beautiful somewhere
a place that we can share

i'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do.
follow me there.

i'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do.. follow me there.

it's such a beautiful day today. it's warm and sunny, with a little breeze. ahh. lovely. today wasn't too bad.

photo.. did a whole bunch of nothing.. learned how to make our negatives into prints. me and kendra's negatives are awesome. yay for us. :) awkward situation in the darkroom, though.

english.. more romeo and juliet. they had they're first scene together today.. so funny. everytime that romeo and juliet were supposed to kiss, thomas would make this really loud kissing noise and i couldn't help but laugh, then my line was all messed up. oh, it was amusing.

resource.. freaking class office. who knows who will run for this next year. i hate running against my own friends, but we'll see what happens.

geometry.. blah.

french.. test.. open book! SWEET! that was the best thing to happen all day. then while we were doing vocab, tyler, gabe, kendra, and i were hanging out and the guys said something about kendra being perfect, and i was like, "no one ever accused her of that".. and then they said something about me having a boyfriend and kendra's like, "psh, her last boyfriend was in 6th grade".. and so the conversation continued.. and i asked what pete was. she's like, oh right, forgot about him. i'm like, yes, that's right. jerk. it was amusing. then tyler dropped his pencil.. and umm.. :)

track.. 12 minute run. they should not call it a run. it's more like, hills and sprints, no run. oy. i stayed back with courtney.. her back, my shins, we're a hott couple. lol then we did striders, and we were all done. hour and a half practice, not bad.

now i'm here, thinking. today a few things happened to me. i got a taste of what i really wanted.. and there were no butterflies, there were no fireworks.. nothing. i don't know. and yesterday at the meet, i got hit by a wall of jealousy and old sparks. what in the world made that happen, i don't know. i just saw him talking to everyone except me, and it kind of hurt. made me wonder what's happened to the two of us, you know? two years ago, i couldn't have explained it to you.. incredible, protective, faithful.. he never let me down. i wish i could say the same now. i guess i just want something more than nothing. but i have to work to get it. no, i have been working, and i still have nothing. i don't know. this is life, i'll take it one day at a time, i guess.

i'm sick and tired of having average days.. today was another one..

gym, ran the mile. so much fun at 7:30 in the morning, let me tell you. did well though, got the best time for girls in the class. thanks, tori, for pushing me. :)

english.. more romeo and juliet.. i'm juliet, thomas is romeo. that's a good time.

resource.. played knockout with the girls.

geometry.. more easy, boring stuff. when will it ever change?

french.. tyler moved! yes! now adam sits behind me! played some games for review.. test tomorrow, should be easy. yves.. oy. crazy child. i told him he had to buy my friendship with pixie stix.. think he actually did it?

track meet.. started early today. boo, not enough warm up time. that mickey shuler (sp?) kid.. dang, he's a beast. he's huge.. super tall, super muscular. i was like, whoa, have fun with that aj. but, aj pulled a miracle out of his butt and won the 110's, but lost the 300's later. congratulations go to annie johnston who set a new school record in the pole vault. her "bj" (thanks, bonshock. i still say pr.) before today was 7' flat, but today she jumped 8'6", to take over the school title. amazing. also amazing.. pat roach. no surprise there.. he never ceases to amaze me. the 100m in 10.6 seconds. incredible. "you are my admirer." aaron came to watch today.. he stayed for my 300's, but missed my 100's. i got first in both of my heats, but it was just against tia. then coach freaked out on us and said it looked like we were going for a sunday jog, not a 300m sprint. i was like, well, you run a mile at 7:30 in the morning, with shin splints, and you're sick, and tell me how well you do later that day at the end of a 300 sprint. jerk. i seriously dislike that man. anyway, then i went over and plopped myself down in the senior circle and talked to pat.. and bonshock.. and russ.. haha funny.

she got a pr.
who says that? it's pb.
pb is peanut butter.
no, pb is personal best, no one says pr.
we all say pr, but you!
fine, we'll settle this if we can just call it bj.
umm, okay?
yeah.. my pbj.. personal best jump.. is good.
pbj. peanut butter and jelly. loser.

shared my mega-sized wheat thins with austin rutz, talked to pat, got yelled at by aj (moron.), and talked to rutz about amsterdam and being a stoner. turns out, he's going there this summer.. yeah, he'll have lots of fun.

oh boy, you'll have fun with that.
what do you mean by that?
nothing.. just that.. you'll have a very.. educational.. experience.
rutz, she thinks you'll do drugs.
well, i will.
what?
i'm just kidding. geez, relax.
i'd never speak to you again.
chill, i won't. promise.

girls won, 100 to 49. guys lost, 80 to 60. practice this week will kill.

this week.. thursday, get my braces off (most of them). friday, LA. saturday, bowling with erin? sunday, cefc again. monday, get retainers. tuesday, another meet. may 5th, end of track season. yes.

I can't imagine my life without you..

today was alright.

photo.. kendra and i developed our film.. very cool to do.

english.. more romeo and juliet. today i was juliet.. haha, schwing.

resource.. class meeting. don't agree with this whole key rule, but whatever, i can't change their minds. however, four of us can. jeremy, anna, erin, and i are all of the same page.. we think it's crap. whatever. next year's fundraisers--bazaar and a longeberger basket bingo. one school we got in touch with did that fundraiser every year and made $16,000 each time. for their senior trip, they are going to hawaii.. and they're prom rocked. soo.. we're going to give that a try and maybe for our senior trip we'll leave the state.. no more renassaince fair.. or amusement parks.. haha.

geometry.. blah, blah. boring, easy. nothing new.

french.. also boring. for tyler's birthday, i gave him a dead weed. he loved it, haha. and i now sit in front of tyler barrick. kill me.

he's an a**hole, ab. i don't want him to break you. but if he does, i'll pick up the pieces.

wow. i've been such a mess lately. and i apologize to everyone that i've run over in my mad race to some sort of escape.

I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you..

made megan's jewelry for prom and it is amazing. i'm very jealous, i love it. you can see a picture of it at www.infinitybeads.com at the end of the week.

watched evan for a while today, too.. we played basketball and went for a bike ride and looked at the moon. he's such a cutie.

tomorrow is monday.. school. yuck. and not looking forward to it for other reasons. megan shellenberger (sp?).. yeah. we'll see how that went.

lindsay--friday, sarah said we can stay here and then if you have your dress picked out by saturday, we can go into the shop and make your jewelry then. and if we want, she can take us to the mall to shop for you for vb and prom and such. so if that's alright with you, then it's a date! horray for LA!

may 7th--prom night.. reservations for 7 at the tavern. sweet.

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive.
I can't keep up and I can't back down.
I've been losing so much time.

Cause it's you and me and all of the people.
Nothing to do, nothing to lose.
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you.

All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right.
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning.
I don't know where to go from here.

Cause it's you and me and all of the people.
With nothing to do, nothing to prove.
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why I can't keep my eyes off you.

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out.
Everything she does is beautiful.
Everything she does is right.

Cause it's you and me and all of the people.
With nothing to do, nothing to lose.
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of

You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why I can't keep my eyes off of you.

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive?

can you whisper in my ear the things you wanna feel?

last night was awesome. erin and i had spiked smoothies.. and you could totally tell. we were like, whoa.. haha fun time though. we watched "say anything" and started cracking up when he dropped her off at her door and gave her a hug. we both sat up and looked at each other and just started laughing hysterically. sarah was like, umm, what? oh, amusing. good movie, though. hen definitely a good movie. then erin and i realized that we have great timing. we called dan while he was with his girlfriend. oops. we ended up talking to him until like, midnight. then we supposedly called him at 5 this morning, but we were both sound asleep. but we did call him at 7:45ish and woke him up. hehe.. and we watched "disney princess collection".. woohoo, that was a blast. do the rat thing. haha church this morning was good.. lili was speaking again and we sang that song that ms. mcintyre taught us last year.. siyahumba kukanay kwakos.. i was like, sweet!

and i figured you out, sean. ha. lol

so in 2 hours or so megan is coming over, then we're going to the bead shop and we're going to make her jewelry for prom. fun fun fun. :)

and about trust.. don't even talk to me about it. you're someone i now know i can't trust. apparently, you think i'm just some tramp. lovely.

oh, girls just wanna have fun.

abby-lilac
erin-aqua
both-blue

The Perfect Guy
1. hair color: blondish-brownish.. and maybe red. nothing but trailer park (dan).
2. eye color: blue.
3. height: tall.. not 6'0'' in hiking boots, i mean barefoot and 6'3". nothing above 6'5".
4. six pack: ooh, very nice. not necessary, but liked.
5. long or short hair: in between. not like, buzzed, but no long shaggy crap.
6. glasses: nah.. unless they're cute.
7. piercings: no
8. scars: i think scars are unavoidable.. so can't be too picky. not big ones.
9. eyebrows: preferably two. unibrows need not apply. :)
10. big butt or little: uhh, normal sized?
11. chest hair: preferably not.
12. buff or skinny: no skinny boys, but i don't need a body builder either. just someone with muscles. in between.
13. straight teeth, gap: straight teeth
14. funny or serious: i like mere's answer. serious when needed to be, but i also like funny.. funny is good. funny all the time, but serious when needed.
15. party or stay at home: parties are definitely a blast, but when i just need to relax, i want him there with me. parties sometimes, but i want a cuddly guy.
16. should he cook or bake: heck yes.
17. should he have a best friend: yeah.
18. should he have a lotta girlfriends: umm, i'm thinking no. like, girlfriend, kissy-kissy girlfriend? no. i want to be the only one.
19. outgoing or shy: outgoing
20. sarcastic or sincere: being sincere is good, but i'm sarcastic at times. sincerity is good, sarcasm is great.
21. should he love his mother: heck yes.
22. should he watch chick flicks: definitely
23. would he be a smoker: NO!
24. would he drink: yeah, but not all the time. every now and then is good. oh, right, and over 21.
25. would he swear: no, but if it slips, i'm not going to freak out on him.
26. would he play with your hair: yes.. yeah, he can die it so that i look more trailer park.. ish.
27. one or more girls at a time: yea i'm thinkin' one...
28. would he pay for dates: i'll go with mere's theory. whoever does the inviting, pays. mhmm, you betta' believe it.
29. does he kiss on the first date: depends..
30. where would you go to dinner: if it's someplace fancy, olive garden. if we're doing a fun night, then maybe red robin or chinese or applebee's. doesn't really matter.
31. would he bring you flowers: daisies are nice. :) flowers are nice, but not all the time. i like lillies and white flowers that go whoosh.
32. would he lay under the stars with you: yes, for hours and hours.
33. would he write poetry about you: if he was good at it, sure. or he could be like me and lindsay.. "oh dear sweet lindsay, you remind me of something dizzy, you're always so busy and frizzy and your nickname could be lizzy! and i love you!" no, but he would read it to me on the porch under the stars while eating breakfast.
34. would he call you hunny, sweetie, or baby: honey
35. would he hang out with you and YOUR friends: yes, and if he didn't he'd be gone like fridays trash....
36. would you hang out with him and HIS friends: yeah, if his friends aren't.. dweebs.
37. will he walk you to the door at the end: yes he would
38. holding hands: yeah :)
39. soccer: if he plays, that's cool. if not, also cool. sure (but if you have blonde curly hair your a loser and can't play...)
40. baseball: baseball is good. sure.
41. basketball: even more important than the last two. :) sure.
42. football: always fun to watch. i like football.
43. water polo: sorry, logan, but nah.
44. surf: if we live in florida or california, yes, he surfs. if he wants to.
45. skateboard: no thanks. unless you're tomas.. then you're cool. noo.. i'm good.
46. snowboard: no way, skiing all the way. whatever, i'm bad at both
47. sing: heck yes. even if it's just a stupid serenade in the car. i'm a sucker for that kind of thing. sure....
48. play guitar: yep, thank you. heck yes
49. play piano: sure. if he enjoys it.
50. play drums: drums are cool.. always loved the beat, but no practicing at all hours of the night. drums are loud, i like loud.
51. clean his room: it doesn't have to be like, immaculate, but no pig sty please. i don't mind messes, but i don't like clothes on the floor up to my knees.
52. paint, draw, sculpt: that's awesome if he does, but it's not a must.. super.
53. writes his own music: absolutely. *farting noise from erin's mouth*
54. use the word dude: i don't really care.
55. use the word tight: 'tight' is kind of weird.
56. would he watch the sun rise with you: yes definitely
57. what kind of car does he drive: blue mini cooper.. or a red mustang convertible.. or a white mini-van with sumo wrestler bobble head dolls in the dashboard. the kind that runs and doesn't break down in the middle of the road.
58. how old is he: at least a year older.. at least. but not like.. illegal. 2 years older, max. nobody out of high school.
59. what would his name be: definitely nobody named dan...


--erin's stupid quote of the evening--
don't write sure. that's so annoying, that word. sssuper!

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to..

so i have a problem with trust.

i trust too easily.

i trust my friends. i trust my family. lately i've been trusting just because i want to. but you guys have given me reasons, over and over again, not to trust you. so i'm not. i'm not going to trust you with my problems, or with my joys. because i can't. you'll be my best friends in front of me, then as soon as you get the chance, you're talking about me behind my back. and quite honestly, i'm tired of it.

so that's it. i'm done with you. i honestly believed that you were my true friends. but like i said, over and over again, you've proved me wrong.

now, with that said, i still have some amazing people that i love with all of my heart.

like.. erin. who is here right now. i heart her. :)

we are the champions, my friend..

pat roach, you are amazing.

you are the god and the weight of her world..

well, just got back from maryland. yesterday's practice went well, all running. then we were off to the big city of frederick.. we stopped at the outlets and did a little spring shopping. i got a pair of shorts and some fun shoes (surprise, surprise). when we got to the farm, it smelled so bad.. they just spread manure. yuck. it was not pleasant. but i peeled potatoes, cooked them, mashed them.. and if i do say so myself, i could be a gourmet mashed potato maker.. they were delicious! then we watched sixteen candles and went to bed.. left this morning around 10. over all, good day.

now i'm off to ship to watch the invitational. good luck, bubblers.

I wish that I, that I could stay..

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday, dear Tyler!
Happy Birthday to you!

here's to sixteen.

i'm the only one, i walk alone..

have you ever had one of those days where you just want to scream? just let it all hang out? tell people, this is the real me, take it or leave it. have you ever given them that choice and they left you alone? have you ever hurt so much that you just want to go back to the peace of kindergarten? have you ever wondered why you're here? ever wondered why God put you on this distorted earth? have you ever wondered "why can't that be me?" has there ever been a time that you just want to give up? fall over? make a mess and let everyone else pick up your pieces? have you ever pushed yourself so hard that you didn't think you could make it another minute in this lying world? have you ever felt like you've put up with so much, that it can only get easier? it doesn't. have you ever fallen for someone totally wrong for you?

i have.

hoopz17: lol, any way i tell you as a friend that you will only find trouble with him

hoopz17: its gonna go away on its own

Blondie3535: you certainly tell it like it is
hoopz17: im like Dear Abby in the newspaper
hoopz17: except im a man
hoopz17: and i dont have a news paper
Blondie3535: and i'm abby
hoopz17: lol weird huh?

Blondie3535: jeremy wallace, you are my hero. thanks

Sportzchic115: where were we..o yeah...abby you're dumb...you deserve bertter Blondie3535: thanks, i'm dumb. and i deserve better. i know this.
Sportzchic115: i just dont know how to help you
Blondie3535: i need to lock myself in a room with fruit until he graduates
Sportzchic115: fruit?
Blondie3535: so when i come out i'll be wonderfully skinny and he will be gone

Sportzchic115: i love you
Blondie3535: love you too
Blondie3535: with all my heart
Sportzchic115: that's all you need..for high school @ least
Blondie3535: i know that too.
Sportzchic115: then why don't you believe it

king of the day: jeremy
queen of the day: emily
-- thank you both for listening.. and caring. i love you both.--

lehmane08: fine i'll cut all of my fake hair off and grow really freaken big boobs
CoffeeBeaner68: lol
CoffeeBeaner68: then you'll be.. pamela anderson
CoffeeBeaner68: and that would be worse
lehmane08: ewww.... gross she has long hair
CoffeeBeaner68: they need like.. miracle-gro for boobs. i would so buy some.

and this is my apology..

aye que cosas, today was a looooooong day. gym.. we almost had to do the mile, but we talked her out of it. english, i gave my speech. 83/85, not bad. geometry, boring. french, finished my paper, now i just have to do my photo album. then track.

track today sucked. this morning i asked bren what we were doing and he's like, a lot, are you ready? uhh, no! well, we sprinted 2 300's, 3 500's, 1 300, then a 200. then we did a half mile cool down. holy crap, do you know how hard it is to sprint a 500? i wanted so badly to go with the sprinters.. they did 300's and 200's, but no, bren made me stay. he's like, "i know it's hard, but you have to work through it. you can do it, i believe you can. but you have to put effort into it." so, after that schpiel there was no way i could give up. and the funniest thing.. as we were running, i saw cody running with aaron on his back. i thought that was rather amusing. hmm, so nothing new on the austin front. i talked to him for like, 5 seconds in the hall today before english.

"hey"
"hey"
"i'm up for milk and cookies, you?"
"heck yes. how about karns after practice?"
"deal."
"see ya then."

haha and pat is always so lonely, so i went over to talk to him and aj came over and he's like, "hey, ho, move." i was like, excuse me. but the whole scene kind of went like this: i ignored aj and kept talking to pat, aj ket telling me that i was in his spot, and i'm like, yeah okay. so he picked me up off the ground and carried me over and sat me down by brianne. moron. then he says, "nah, i didn't care, just wanted to annoy my girl." loser.

practice tomorrow morning at 9:30, yuck. probably another hard one, too. then going to maryland, spending the night at granny's, going to the outlets, coming home, and doing whatever i need to for track. fun fun. sunday, megan's coming over and i'm making her prom necklace. next friday night, LA night. heck yes, it will be a blast.

good luck to boiling springs at the ship invitational tomorrow. i love you all.

coach: rutz
rutz: band
--silence--
coach: seriously?
rutz: yeah
coach: uhh, wow. umm, it's okay, i, uhh, was in the band, too. roach are you in band?
pat: yeah
coach: oh, okay.. what do you play?
pat: bass clarinet.
coach: wow, that is not okay.
^hilarious moment from yesterday. haha i <3>

wherever you may go, i will let you down..

Blondie3535: sorry about that
hoopz17: its fine abby babe
Blondie3535: ugh.. i want to sleep for a month.. and only wake up if austin rutz will marry me
Blondie3535: haha
hoopz17: lol, id agree with that

this lullabye is only a few words
a simple run of chords
quiet here in this spare room
but you can hear it, hear it
wherever you may go
i will let you down
but this lullabye plays on..

you're the one i think about each day..

today was amusing. track.. we did like a 20 minute run. oy. on the way back..

aaron: eww, that abby beam girl..
me: well, that's an ugly sight to see
austin: ouch, freshman retaliation.
--2 minutes later--
me: wonder what else we're doing in practice. nothing, i hope.
austin: stretching. sprinting. another run.
me: i hope not. i'm all for sleeping and eating cookies.
austin: aww, that was my favorite part of pre-school. milk and cookies.
me: my school had milk and cookies or juice and animal crackers. i went to a cool school.
austin: party at your house for milk and cookies..

then we stretched and did 45 push ups and 40 crunches and a minute of leg lifts.. then ran a half mile cool down. that was it, practice was over. then i went to ice at the trainer's and me, austin, and bixler all shared a tub.

"i went to the store and got apricots (pronounced ay-pricots), bananas, cat food, dog, eggplant, flowers, gingerbread cookies, hair, ice cream, juice, kangaroos, lizards and mangoes." then austin quit because he knew i'd win. the freaking guy took both of the toe warmers and the seat. what a girl. haha mary was making fun of him. oh, that was quite amusing.

oh, and news of the day. mr. brenner is getting married! haha yay, we were invited to his wedding (if we can get rides, since it's 3 hours away.. haha that's asking for trouble.. me, austin, mary, and bix at his wedding.. hmm). lol and coach bowed to austin, man whore of the tub. in there with me and bix, heck yes. it was a good time.

congrats to lindsay and grace for owning the softball field. i heart you!

I hope you find a way to make it back to me..

today was alright.

photo.. kendra and i shot a role of film and realized that i can't hang upside down. but when i finally managed to get my legs up, i pushed too hard and flipped. oy.

english.. more on romeo and juliet

geometry.. didn't pay attention. i was in my own little world. it's been a while since i just sat and day dreamed, and i will tell you, my thoughts were nice. they were thoughts of a perfect world and of what erin was saying earlier. "he should be the one to fall for you. you shouldn't have to fall for him and wait." -- wise words of katie w. i thought of a perfect life. a nice house, nice car, some talent somewhere along the lines.

french.. started my research project. it'll be a breeze considering i actually was in belgium. not much research to do. i knew/went to everything that was in the book. easy A.

track.. junior high had a meet, so we went for a 10 minute run up by the old soccer field.. and played tag.. haha we have to make running fun somehow.

tia: are you following him just because he's gorgeous?
me: no, i'm following him because he's going back.. that means less running.
rutz: i heard that.

then we went to the middle of the field and stretched and did pushups and situps. haha i was next to austin rutz and in the pushups.. yeah.. he totally owns and i was like, ugh. it was funny, he laughed at me. then we had to stretch our groins by like making our legs reeeeaaally wide.. well, we were sitting in a rather tight circle, so we were trying not to hit each other.. didn't work. we just laughed at ourselves. then we did sprints and him and aj kept trying to trip me. not funny. i'd be running toward them and they'd move in my way, or open up a space then jump in front of me, or just stick their legs out. i was like, guys, come on now. hurdling.. haha.. ok, we had the hurdles set up in some of the 6th lane and we were warming up, when out came the 400 runners.. we were like SHOOT!!! we had to sprint and get all the hurdles off before the runners got there.. haha it was amusing. and anna--

bixler: i want to be pat roaches hero.
me: i am pat roaches hero.

russ: i'm black.
me: and i'm fat
russ: so you put us together and we could be one heck of a runner.
bix: aww, you two would have good babies.

kate: oh, that hit right in the baby maker.

me: alliewho?
pat: alliewhooooo.
me: shut up.
pat: i'm better than you.
me: and?
pat: i don't know.

then, practice was over and pat took me home.. and now, here i am. good song from jestine.. even though she interrupted my day dreaming to sing it to me.

Staring right back in the face
A memory can't be erased
I know, because I tried
Start to feel the emptiness
And everything I'm gonna miss
I know, that I can't hide

All this time is passing by
I think it's time to just move on

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

Start to breathe and fake a smile
It's all the same after a while
I know, that you are tired
Carrying the ones you lost
A picture frame with all the thoughts
I know, you hold inside

I hope that you can find your way back
To the place where you belong

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

You're coming back down
You say you feel lost can I help you find it
When you come around
From time to time we all are blinded
You're coming back down
You don't have to tell me what you're feeling
I know what you're going through
I won't be the one that lets go of you

I think it's time to just move on

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

once again, i find my head spinning..

hey guys.. i'm here at the bead shop typing up my research paper while sarah is out making stuff for the craft show in 2 weeks. my computer is dead, so i have to come here in order to get my paper the way it should be. on the way here, we stopped by casa mani and i got another white chocolate mocha (mmm..) and sarah got an icec chai (also very tasty). haha this morning, i saw dan at church. i was like, hmm, what is he doing here? but turns out, susie is his cousin and his grandparents go to my church. i had no clue. so anyway, i was just out in the showroom and i was looking around at all the new beads, and lindsay, if you get that dress from anna, i think we definitely have some kick butt stuff that we could make for it. just let me know, and we'll pick a day for you to come in here. maybe our LA day, we can do that, too.

yuck, i have to run 3 miles today. that won't be fun in the least bit. boo on running. i'm all for sitting on my butt and becoming fat, anyone interested in joining me? ahh, just kidding. i would be a miserable tub of lard. from 6-8 tonight, i'm going to oasis at cefc, which should be a blast. youth their is always a blast. we had fun this weekend.. that was kind of my first official event with them, and it went over pretty well. except stupid erin didn't introduce me to her friend, dave. loser. how am i supposed to hook you up if you don't introduce us? haha tk was funny, jeff was.. jeff, big and lil mcdee acted just like they always do. carbine played the guitar for us on the street corner. the girls are always fun. ahh, and brett kept calling me lauren. not because he forgot my name, but because he thinks that i look like a lauren, therefore he will always call me lauren. haha fun.

love always,
lauren :>)

love bites, love bleeds.

here's to my gracie.

You love her
But she loves him
And he loves somebody else
You just can't win
And so it goes
Till the day you die
This thing they call love
It's gonna make you cry
I've had the blues
The reds and the pinks
One thing for sure
Love stinks, yeah, yeah
Love stinks, yeah, yeah
Love stinks, yeah, yeah
Love stinks, yeah, yeah
Two by two and side by side
Love's gonna find you, yes it is
You just can't hide
You'll hear it call
Your heart will fall
Then love will fly
It's gonna soar I don't care for any casanova thing
All I can say is
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah, yeah
Love stinks, yeah, yeah
Love stinks, yeah, yeah
Love stinks, yeah, yeah
I've been through diamonds
I've been through minks
I've been through it all
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah, yeah
Love stinks, yeah, yeah
Love stinks, yeah, yeah
Love stinks, yeah, yeah

and one more for today..

If you've got love in your sites
Watch out, love bites
When you make love, do you look in the mirror?
Who do you think of?
Does he look like me?
Do you tell lies?
And say that it's forever?
Do you think twice, or just touch'n'see?
When you're alone, do you let go?
Are you wild'n'willin or is it just for show?
I don't wanna touch you too much baby
'Cos making love to you might drive me crazy
I know you think that love is the way you make it
So I don't wanna be there when you decide to break it
No! Love bites, love bleeds
It's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives, love dies
It's no surprise
Love begs, love pleads
It's what I need
When I'm with you, are you somewhere else?
Am I gettin' thru or do you please yourself?
When you wake up, will you walk out?
It can't be love if you throw it about
Ooh babeI don't wanna touch you too much baby
'Cos making love to you might drive me crazy
Oh, love bites, love bleeds
It's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives, love dies
It's no surprise
Love begs, love pleads
It's what I need
I don't wanna touch you too much baby
'Cos making love to you might drive me crazy
I know you think that love is the way you make it
So I don't wanna be there when you decide to break it
No! Love bites, love bleeds
It's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives, love dies
Love bites, love bleeds
It's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives, love dies
It's no surprise
Love begs, love pleads
It's what I need
If you've got love in your sights
Watch out, love bites
Yes it does
Bloody Hell

grace: this song is about making out, i don't think he'll say "love bites".. *gives it back to tori*
song: "love bites"
me: uhh, it just said.

i'll be your crying shoulder..

wow, these past two days have totally rocked. yesterday was nothing special.. school went on as usual, then i had track practice. we were in the pool.. and me and courtney and brianne decided that lounging around in the pool while watching austin rutz do push-ups on the side of the pool in a bathing suit is not a bad way to spend our time. lol it was funny. and mary.. "my blow-up boyfriend, brad. he is my sex toy." haha alllrighty. diva dan. movie star mary. famous fran. oh, that was amusing. and because brianne and i couldn't go to practice today, we had to stay longer yesterday. so after we were done in the pool, we went down to the track and worked on some starts and such. then on sunday, we have to run 3 miles. the first one is an easy mile, then a really tough 2nd, then cool down on the 3rd. yuck. that'll be fun, let me tell ya. anyway, then i came home, showered, and went to the barn for the 30hf.

i had such a freaking blast.

lol emily and mere were fighting over this guy, nick.. who could sing and play the guitar (which is definitely a huge plus). haha that was amusing.. and we all stayed up till odd hours in the morning (ok, not so late) just talking about whatever floats our boat. then today was the best day i've had in a while. we had to get up at 6:30, which wasn't too cool, then we left for gumc around 7:30.. erin and i rode in greg's van and i couldn't figure out how to get it open with the wwjd latch. i was terribly confused. then we all went into the gym and split up into our families and got our assignments for the day, our guardian angels, and a dissability. i was the dissability. each person in your "family" was another person. example: we're the blanchard family and i'm jon, and i'm 7 years old. i was born with a clubbed foot and i have trouble walking. my little sister, jamee (katie b.) is 4 and she has aids. my 9 year old sister, melissa (erin) and my 11 year old sister, michelle (grace) aren't sick like me and jamee. and our dad (carbine) is a single dad, because our mom died of aids when i was a little girl. a 16 year old from the church down the street (tori) comes to help out daddy sometimes. daddy's job doesn't pay very much, so we don't eat very much. daddy might lose his job soon, too. that was our scenario. before we knew that i had a clubbed foot, the youth leader just said to give me a broken leg. so they put 2 pieces of wood on either side of my knee and tied it with a bandana, then duck taped it, and i couldn't move my leg. then we were off, living the lives of these people. our mission was to collect welfare money, then go to a grocery store and buy food to take to project share. when we got to the welfare place, they said we needed proof of insurance, a social security number, and a health card. that meant we had to walk the whole way across town to get those, then back to get the welfare, then to the grocery store, then to project share and back to gumc.. all in about 3 hours. that's pretty rough considering i was having a hard time walking as it was, we had to wait in line at all of those places, and we didn't have cars (unless we hitched a ride from some stranger). in the meantime, we were either getting rewarded points or docked points for things that we did. whichever family had the most points at the end, got a snickers bar and got to eat first, once we broke the famine. so we didn't make it back to the church in 3 hours, but we were just a little late.

then we started the car wash! "working at the car wash, yeah.." oh it was such a blast. tori, grace, and i stood out on the street corner for the majority of our 2 and a half hours.. we had fun though. old guys were weirding us out, but those 2 guys were nice. :) anyway, i went back to help wash the last few cars when matt mcd sprayed me with the hose.. wow, that was cold water. haha, funny, funny. then we went back into the church and hung out for a while.. and saline did worship and i had a break down. first, erin and i washed each other's feet and prayed and lit candles. then all of our friends sat in a circle, held hands and prayed. it was awesome. then all of a sudden, i just started to cry. like the tears just started coming and they didn't stop. emily came over and i held me and i just cried and cried and cried into her shoulder. it felt kind of good. just everything that has been bottled up inside of me came out when i was sitting there with emily. i haven't done that in a while. then at the end, the youth leader was reading out the winner's.. and we won!! we got snicker's and we got to eat first. yess.. it rocked. i had yummy soup (cream of chicken) and a yummy roll and a yummy peanut butter cookie. then i was stuffed. haha okay, i'm pooped, so i'm going to bed.. g'night. i love you all! ;) :*

love stinks.

hmm, okay, so i left for an hour and a half.. i wrote the beginning, went to barnes & noble, and now i'm back writing this. i got two books.. faking 19 and this lullabye. both look pretty good, and y'all know that i'm such a freaking book worm. and of course, you can not put me in barnes & noble and expect me to not get coffee.. so i got a white chocolate mocha. oh, dang, it was delish. maybe even better than their caramel macchiato's and that is saying a lot. oh, today has turned out to be a lovely day, rain and all. yay. :)

bonshock: ooh, i am cooooold. haaay, it is cold. ooh, my legs are cooooooold. haaay, these hott muscles are cooooold.
me: you are so retarded.
bonshock: nope, just cold.

kate: is that my little jon burgess?
me: hmm, no.
kate: yes it is
me: no it's not. oh. my. gosh. yes it is!
kate: whoa, he looks so much older.. like i could date him!

tori: i am not a nothing! i am a something! i just have no letters!

me: freaking s.

grace: i'm a s-p-o-o.

king of the day: castles, for standing with me in the rain
queen of the day: anna bixler for breaking 17, yeah beast! 16.9! you are my hero!

maybe it was memphis..

alright, so, today was not half bad.

photo, winger was our sub.. we did a worksheet, then i taught tyler how to play spit, and creamed him. yes, victory is sweet. then a whole bunch of us played spoons, which was such a blast.. haha even thought i'm not that great, we had a great time. "oops, sorry, can i get that?" oh, man. you are going to get me in so much trouble.

i'll protect you. did you ever doubt that?
well, umm, lately, you haven't been doing such a great job.
i'm sorry. from now on, i promise you, from now on.

english.. started reading romeo and juliet. aww, so sweet. "romeo, oh, romeo. where for art thou romeo? deny thy father and refuse thy name.."

geometry.. window seat, again. :-D this time, tyler was over at my seat talking to me.. i was like, oh no. josh and i figured out that square puzzle! i was like, yessss.

french.. didn't do much. gabe sat behind me and wouldn't leave me alone. then the library. oh, goodness.

then track meet. i talked to liz crull and nicole adams a little bit.. haha they are so funny, and i hardly even know them. they're just backing me up like i've known them forever. funny, funny. we warmed up outside.. and looked like lunatics. haha but that's alright. we owned.. well, the girls did anyways. as usual, the guys lost. not by too much. hmm, pat roach vs. sean cohick. dang, what a tight race. the boy lost by only .1 seconds to one of the best runner's in AAA.. not too shabby, there, pat. i was proud, and he wasn't too dissapointed. an 'a' for effort also goes out to jeff swope who ran against him in the pouring rain as an anchor for the 4x4. nice try, guys. as for me, i ran the 100 and 300 hurdles, and tia opted out of both. both times went down.. my 100 was 20.1 and my 300, yeah baby, was a 59.9.. i was so excited, pb! but i totally screwed them up. my start was awful, then i thought that i could stride out the first hurdle, but i came up to short, hit it, bounced back, and had to jump over it again. how mortifying. it was just.. bad. so then, right before the 200m race, it started to pour. not like, little drizzling, i mean pour. i absolutely love the rain. i love it, i love it, i love it. and i stood in the middle of the track in it, totally drenched. i enjoyed every freaking second of it. i had water dripping off my coat, my nose, my hair, running down my legs. it was the best feeling that i've had in a long time. and props to andrew castles to standing there with me. yay, i heart castles.

maybe it was southern summer nights..

Lookin' at you through a misty moonlight
Katydid sing like a symphony
Porch swing swayin' like a Tennessee lullaby
Melody blowing through the willow tree
What was I supposed to do?
Standin' there lookin' at you
A lonely boy far from home

Maybe it was Memphis
Maybe it was southern summer nights
Maybe it was you, maybe it was me
But it sure felt right

Read about you in a Faulkner novel
Met you once in a Williams play
Heard about you in a country love song
Summer nights beauty took my breath away
What was I supposed to do?
Standin' there lookin' at you
A lonely boy far from home

Maybe it was Memphis
Maybe it was southern summer nights
Maybe it was you, maybe it was me
But it sure felt right
Maybe it was Memphis
Maybe it was southern summer nights
Maybe it was you, maybe it was me
But it sure felt right

Every night now once I've been back home
I lie awake at night drifting in my memory
I think about you on your momma's front porch swing
Talking that way, so soft to me
What was I supposed to do?
Standin' there lookin' at you
A lonely boy far from home

Maybe it was Memphis
Maybe it was southern summer nights
Maybe it was you, maybe it was me
But it sure felt right
Maybe it was Memphis
Maybe it was southern summer nights
Maybe it was you, maybe it was me
But it sure felt right
Maybe it was you, maybe it was me
But it sure felt right

please don't tell me this could be the end..

steroids. they are a lie. i have so much disrespect for you right now. something inside of me hoped that you would be one of those guys that was different, that was man enough to work hard on his own. i thought that maybe you could be one of those guys that uses his own power instead of the power of something fake. you're so amazing, and that's why. without it, and with your own hard work, you could be just as good, and i would respect you for the rest of my life. i just can't believe that you of all people would do something like that. it completely blows my mind.

my personal heroes..
pat roach. aaron rehm. ryan peterman. joe shenk. aaron lee.

you five have all of my respect and love. my one wish for you all is to realize that you have the talent that you do because you're willing to work. you can do it on your own, you don't need any help. it just makes you that much better than anyone else. please, never change that about yourselves.

"coach, i need to stop. i haven't felt well for the past week or so."
"are you still taking what you were taking?"
"heck, yes."
"then i have no sympathy. you're not man enough to work on your own, that's why you're complaining about your stomach hurting. when you give them up, i'll care."
"no way coach, i need them."
"then this team doesn't really need you."

too bad, that's where it stopped. no, this team doesn't need that, but we have it anyways. we've got tons of it. and it's sickening when you really think about it.

no matter what happens, i'll be here.

listen, don't worry about it. everything will turn out great in the end. no matter what happens, i'll be here.

mmm, he hasn't the slightest clue how much that means to me.

today was interesting. i guess tasha told tyler that she didn't hate me or whatever then glared at me some more in the hallways.. then she came up to me in the locker room and we exchanged a few words. she was nicer than people made her out to be. she pretty much told me that if i ever did any more with tyler than talk, there would be some problems because it makes her uncomfortable. well, duh. so if i had been doing anything else, that would have given her reason to be freaked out. but since i don't, i don't know who the heck is telling her this crap (ok, so maybe i have a slight idea, ahem, kim).. too bad none of it is freaking true. i'm sorry, that really made me angry, but i wasn't in the mood to say, "sorry tasha, your boyfriend is a pothead, and i just don't swing that way." and then she finished her schpiel off with this: "if it continues, we're gonna have a problem. that's not a threat." i was like, uhh, alright. i could have said so many things, but i just wasn't in the mood to get into it today.

then we had practice, which was relatively easy.. except for the fact that half of the freaking team has shin splints.. including me.. and they hurt like you wouldn't believe. mary dell isn't running tomorrow because of them.. and austin rutz may not run either. i'm doing the 100h, 300h, and 4x4 tomorrow. yay for the first one, boo on the last two. i hate them, they are not fun AT ALL. i worked blocks today, and got a little better, so we'll see what happens. the meet is against big spring, so there should be a butt-whooping on our part :)

so, then, friday, the famine starts, which is always a blast. i'm so excited for that! :-D that goes until saturday.. then sunday, i may go to cefc in the morning (which would also totally rock), then just hang during the day, then off to oasis sunday night at cefc with erin. i'm so glad that i'm making this transition out of tlc. cefc just seems like an all-around cooler church.. more stuff to do in the church, more kids, better relationships.. it'll just be.. better. i'll miss a few people from my church though.. kaila, of course, allie, chris, josh, my sara, many, katie, nathan.. but hopefully i can still see some of them during the week.

alright, well i gotta go, i'm pooped, g'night all.

love and luck to soccer snobs,
abby

king of the day: aj, by far. pat ("oh, well then i'll just hold on to it then") and elliot ("i promise you, i won't do a thing, are you crazy?!) in second. anthony can have third.. for falling today.. that was hilarious.
queen of the day: kate, my personal idol. "who needs american idol when i can be abby's idol?"

funny conversation between me and kate the other day..
aaron's dating a natasha.
no, i'm pretty sure her name is kate.

sweet home, alabama.. where the skies are bright and blue..

ok, most definitely freaking out right now. research project is going downhill.. and i still have geometry and french homework to do. oh. my. goodness. i will probably be pulling an all-nighter. yuck.

dear God, keep me sane.

"calm down, it's alright, just relax, it's okay." those words keep repeating, over and over, in my mind. what would i do without you guys?

and it's like every time i turn around, i fall in love, and find my heart face down.

she's just jealous.

today was a bad day.

well, photo was good.. i talked to tyler and he said tasha didn't say anything and i had nothing to worry about.. so that was cool, and i calmed down a bit.. gave one heck of a massage. ;)

then english, totally forgot to do my homework, along with half of the class. pop quiz, yuck, but i did alright.

then geometry, we switched seats and i got one by the window, which definitely made me happy. then, who to my dismay should walk by the window? that's right. tasha. she looked up and saw me and glared her heart out and was talking to jaci and jess about me. lovely. then tyler was like, yeah, she probably didn't mean to do it, so i was like, okay, whatever. then in french class, she was in the library glaring at me some more! i'm like, WHAT THE HECK DID I DO TO YOU?!? oh my gosh, i am so freaking angry right now, i can't even like, describe it to you. she's really starting to annoy me. tyler's like, don't worry, ab, she's just jealous. this is her boyfriend saying this.. is that weird?

at the end of the day, i went down to the locker rooms.. and there she was again. by this time, i was about ready to kill myself. she talked to the whole freaking soccer team about how much of a whore i was. i'm like, kill. i totally give up. i don't know what i did, besides talk to tyler, to make her mad. is she that insecure in her relationship with him to freak out at me just because i talk to him? well, it hasn't been the first time that's happened. so many girls just.. freak out because i talk to their boyfriends. what the heck is that about? it's really starting to get under my skin.

so off to the track meet.. in both of the hurdles, we needed a sweep. in the 100h, i missed 3rd by .1 seconds. UGH! then in the 300h, i missed it by .5 seconds! i was ready to kill. so i drowned my sorrows in a bowl of pasta salad when coach told me i was running the freaking 4x4. i was like, you've got to be kidding me. no, he ran all of the 300 hurdlers to improve our times. harker said i was slow and wasn't working hard enough. screw him. brenner's the nice one, i really was not in the mood to deal with harker today. so, my relay team was winning when i started (i was the anchor, heh, go figure) and i kept it up for the first 150, but then the girl passed me and i just died. our exhibition was beating greencastle's real team.. wow. the good thing about all of my races is that i shaved time off them all.. 2 seconds off my 100, 5 seconds off my 300, and 4 seconds off my 400. eww, that totally sucked. i was freaking out and pat and aj were just like, calm down, it's alright, just relax, it's okay. thanks guys, i definitely needed it. but hey, both girls and guys won, so i guess it's all okay.

freaking aaron. what the heck. he made me mad, too. i must be one heck of a loser now, huh? ugh, whatever.

tyler's taking both sides. he says tash is a sissy (??? most guys that said that about their girlfriends wouldn't last much longer) but then he tells me that she's not doing anything. umm, okay?

and good news, i think we're switching churches! YES! you have no idea how happy that makes me! i totally dislike our church right now, especially the youth. they aren't what i want in a youth group.. it's like, fake. one day, they'll be preaching and the next day i hear them swearing. i'm like, what is that? i'm not saying i'm perfect, because i'm certainly not, but i'm just sick of them. sarah said we're going to try out carlisle e free, right across the street (yes, erin and grace!!!! SCHWING! :-D)

so i totally just vented to sarah about my day and she's like, "ya know what? that's why i always hung out with guys. they are never moody and they are always there for you if you pick the right ones. and if those guys have girlfriends that are worried about you, forget them. they are girls, which i didn't care about in the first place.. they just annoy me." amen to that.

elliot is going to prom with heather empson. what is up with that? i didn't even knew they knew each other.

oh man, i need to start this stupid research project. in an hour, i'll blow my top, i can feel it. all this stress is just mounting into one night.. and it's not going to be a pretty ending.

kings of the day: pat and aj, for trying to make my life normal again
queen: courtney houston, for being my body guard

I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly

I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of bluebonnets
In a blanket made of stars
Oh it sounds good to me, I said

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free, oh, I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you

I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall

I wanna be the only one
For miles and miles
Except for maybe you
And your simple smile

Oh, it sounds good to me
Yes it sounds so good to me

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free, oh, I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you

I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly
Oh, it sounds so good to me

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free, oh, I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you
Closer to you
Cowboy take me away.
Closer to you

and one more for today..

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone
And I just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed
And I take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that
And I just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed
And I take back all the things I said to you
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
This is my December
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is all I need
And I just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed
And I take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that
And I just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed
And I take back all the things I said to you
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

looked through a prom magazine and picked out like a bajillion dresses that i love.. now i have like, a month and a half to narrow the search down to one, beautiful, extravagant, elegant, totally "me" dress. think i can do it? heck yes, i can.

tomorrow, track meet.. running both hurdles for points i think.. gotta get those freaking blocks down.. by tomorrow. yeah right. ran them today till my fingers almost broke, until my legs wouldn't move, and until i couldn't even make it over the first hurdle. stuber's perfected her 3-step, and i'm like WAHH! CAN'T DO THIS! haha funny conversations with austin rutz about being perfect.. and pat about hurdling.. and aj about elliot and drugs. funny, funny.

30 hour famine this weekend. mere, sign me up to go with your church, i extremely dislike mine. thanks, i love you! lindsay, bring your hat and we'll make you look like johnny depp again.. maybe this year they can wake us up without the drums? after the famine, maybe going to see grease with saturday's queen of the day. yess.. ooh, and i also saw that cv, maybe, is doing west side story.. that may be cool, anyone interested?

adam--i'm so sorry, i totally didn't see you! i feel like such a jerk! :(

ahh, 97 on my math test today.. that's right and i was out for 2 weeks. i owned. that definitely made my day.

shoot. i was getting ready to start writing my research paper when i realized i forgot to check out my book and forgot to bring home my notes. frick. tomorrow night's packed too. crap. what now?

noble kings and princes would bow whenever she came..

"he's really falling for you, ab."

what have i gotten myself into? i know that i walked right into it, but i never thought it through. she's ready to kill and he still has no idea what's going on. i told him we'd talk tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes.

this is what i want, right? this is all that i wanted, but now, i just have this feeling that it won't turn out right.

God, help me.

i really feel like i'm losing my best friend..

haha tonight was.. awkwardly fun. lol well this morning i just laid around doing nothing, then i went to logan's house to pick up my pictures.. then to the mall.. got some shirts. yay for spring! i love all the little tanktops and sandals. <3 yay, i heart spring. so then i came home, showered, and went bowling with dan and the familia. dan and i bowled two games, then left to go to subway, but went to panera instead. yay for coffee. :-D haha and jones' cream soda.. "no coffee in the car" "freshman automatically lose 50 points for being freshman" and "you have to sit in the backseat".. funny funny. and i totally creamed him.. 111 to 81. and "freshman never win".. yeah right. so that was fun.. and here's to flogging molly.

Whistles the wind, blowing my way
Sweeping me back, back here to stay
Can winners be losers running on the same track?
Some head for glory, others refresh
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way
The beauty in life, where's your God?
And somebody told me, you were doing okay
Somehow I guess they were wrong
My isolation, now there's a sobering thought
A minute alone, a lifetime too long
See the face in this mirror, so pale it could crack
Desperately wanting a color in lacks
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way
The beauty in life, where's your God?
And somebody told me, you were doing okay
Somehow I guess they were wrong
So you drank with the lost souls for too many years
Time to be right cause they'll cripple with fear
Never been righteous, go sell them, we're wrong
Life's only life with you in this song
Now there's an ocean between us
Where I am and where I want to be
So you prayers in doubt, doubt not for me
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way
The beauty in life, where's your God?
And somebody told me, you were doing okay
Somehow I guess they were wrong
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way
The beauty in life, where's your God?
And somebody told me, you were doing okay
Somehow I guess they were wrong
Whistles the wind
Whistles the wind
Whistles the wind
Whistles the wind
Oh you'll find your way out, but there's no going now
Every woman and child drags you down for the good
It's not safe being free, can't give back what you feel
You said you'll always be in heaven with me

the current king of my world: jordan
the current queen of my world: lindsay

where did you come from, where did you go?

blue.. yes

[[your crazy past]] Have you ever...
Snuck out of the house
Played spin the bottle
Toliet-papered someone's house/property
Tutored someone
Called the cops
Eaten Filet Mignon
Had a crush on a teacher
Played poker with money
Liked someone but never told them
Sat on your glasses and broke them
Went camping in your backyard
Got an autograph
Had a crush on your brother's friend
Walked in the rain with no umbrella
Told a joke that nobody thought was funny
Been in a talent show
Starting laughing for no reason at a bad time
Worn something your mom didn't approve of
Cursed in a church/CCD
Hacked into some ones computer
Burnt yourself with a curling iron/straightener
Blackmailed someone
Wanted to be a police officer
Dumped someone
Been hit on by someone too old
Bought lottery tickets
Made out in a car
Looked through your brothers/sister's stuff
Said something bad about someone who was near you and heard it
Cried during a movie
Wanted something you couldn't have
Seen someone shoplift
Yelled at your pet
Bought a thong when the cashier was a guy
Gotten seasick
Had a stalker
Played a prank on someone that had them really scared
Been embarrassed by your family
Felt bad about eating meat
Saved a life
Protested something
Ate just because you were bored
Looked at something everyone thought was ugly and said aww!
Tried to teach your dog sick em
Screamed in a library
Made out with a stranger
Wished a part of you was different
Asked a guy to dance
Been asked out by a really hott guy/girl
Laughed so hard you cried
Went up to a complete stranger and started talking
Been sunburned
Woke someone up by screaming in their ear
Threw up in school
Received an anonymous love letter
Had to wear something you hated
Had to pretend to like a present you hated
Been to a luau
Had a really bad haircut
Cursed infront of your parents
Been on a commercial on TV
Watched a movie that made you miss your ex
Been out of your country
Been honked at by some guy when you were walking down the sidewalk
Won at pool
Fought with your best friend
Went to a party where you were the only sober one
Went on a diet
Been lost out at sea
Been told an extremely stupid line
Played truth-or-dare
Cut class
Cheated on your boy/girl friend
Been pulled over by a cop
Tanned topless
Been attacked by seagulls
Been searched at an airport
Been pants-ed
Stole from a teacher
Gotten lost at the beach/boardwalk
Thrown a shoe at someone
Broke someone's heart
Sung in the shower
Bought something way too expensive
Done something really stupid that you still laugh about
Been walked in on when you were dressing
Ran out of a movie theater cause you were too scared of the movie
Been kicked out of a mall
Been mean to someone then instantly wanted to take it back
Got gum stuck in your hair
Spilled your drink on someone on purpose
Been given a detention on the worst day that you could get one
Wanted plastic surgery
Stood someone up
Slammed into someone while you were checking someone out with your head turned
Fell off your roof
Pretended you were scared so you could cuddle up to someone
Been in a car crash
Had a deer jump in front of your car
Threatened someone with a watergun
Lied to someone and looked them straight in the eye

[[your talents]] Can you...
Unwrap a starbust with your tongue
Manipulate people easily
Sing -- everyone can sing, just some people, like me, can't do it very well.
Open your eyes underwater
Eat whatever you want and not have to worry
Ice skate
Sing infront of a crowd
Whistle
Be a (edit!) brooch sometimes
Walk in really high heels
Eat super spicy foods
Play an instrument
Block out what someone is saying if you don't want to hear it
Act like you like somebody you hate
Attract a lot of boys
Skateboard
Sleep with lights on
Multitask
Touch your nose with your tounge
Fall asleep easily in a car
Catwalk
Do the 1,2 step
Blow your nose -- uhh, are there people who can't?
Do the cottoneyed joe
Surf
Make yourself cry
Fit in your locker -- never tried haha
Taste the difference between coke and pepsi

you bleed just to know you're alive

today was rather uneventful.

photo >> discussions about the bible with tyler, mike, and kendra.. got pretty interesting.
english >> got more research done, but i forgot to check out that book to finish it up. :( oops.
geometry >> spilled water everywhere.. and beat tyler to the hut. :)
french >> sub today.. lots of worksheets.. ew. and my phone rang in class.. whoops.
track >> practice in the pool.. slighty painful, but easier than any other day. it was definitely fun.. then we had a girls vs. guys relay, which totally rocked, even though we lost. haha i'm a slow swimmer. :( aj creamed me. then kate and i went and hurdled for an hour or so. she got her 3-step down, yeah, brownie points for kate! harker was watching and we got a little intimidated, but i got my legs right and i'm making 4-steps, so i'm not doing too badly. then i watched a little of the baseball game, grabbed my spikes, and left.
tonight >> wasn't invited to the lock-in that everyone went to, so me, autumn, lauren, and emily all went over to logan's for movie night and had a blast. we watched shark tale and just hung out and ate "co-ca-pizza" and danced in the rain. nothing is better in the rain. we were talking about the ideal place for something to happen, and my answer was in the rain. how sweet. :) but autumn and i had fun.. we didn't stop laughing.. and poor lauren will have bruises tomorrow. O:) i heart you, louie! when i came home, i watched the last 20 minutes of ladder 49 and freaking bawled my eyes out. such a sad movie. :'(

and a few things on my mind.. i miss the way things were.. when you'd get on the computer it would be a matter of 5 seconds until you said "hey, how are you?".. now you don't talk to me at all. when i look at you in the hall, you look away, you don't even smile at me like you used to. you say nothing has changed, i say nothing is the same. you say everything is the same, i say everything has changed. i don't know what you see, or think, but i know what happens.. and absolutely nothing is the way it used to be. what really hurts me the most is that you're okay with it. you're okay with not talking, not smiling, not being the same. that's who you are now. that's who she wants you to be. i don't like how you're not you anymore. you're her. but, something else that hurts, i'm starting to forget you. i'm starting to forget the last time we talked. i'm starting to forget why i cared in the first place and i'm starting to forget that you were ever even here. i'm starting to forget that one time, two summers ago, i had a great friend that cared.. then he forgot.

and something else while i'm writing all my thoughts down.. it's funny what a hair cut can do to a person. you look at them in a completely different way, noticing new features. i never knew he had a freckle on his nose. i never knew he's got 3 right under his left eye. i've always noticed his eyes, but now they stand out even more. i noticed so many things today. it's so hard to stay mad at someone who is always making you smile, isn't it? that's what you do to me. even when i'm in the worst of moods and don't want to talk to you, i can't help but smile at you. just the litte things you do. the way you smile when you catch my eye. the way you act when you got something right. the way you look when you get caught doing something stupid. the way you tilt your head when you try to be sweet. the way you say "i'm so sorry," and mess up the seriousness in the conversation. the way you make me think. the way your hands feel. and when you mess up my hair.. all of it makes me smile. and i can't get you off my mind.

"you've got a guy that worries about you and wants to do anything he can to ease your pain. what more do you want?"