to the one you love, you have to say goodbye..

gabe: she loves me
tyler: beam, tell me it isn't true
gabe: it's true
tyler: shut up, no way. beam loves me.
gabe: she is my cheesecake, get your fork away from her.
me: well, i can honestly say that i've never been called a cheesecake before in my life
gabe: would you rather be my chicken wing?
me: nah, i'll stick with cheesecake..
gabe: she is my chicken wing, get your hot sauce away from her.
tyler: i am hot sauce. the hottest hot sauce. and she wants some of this hot sauce.

haha, i love them. so i decided that i'm going to start something new. i'll pick a person of the day and put a song in here for them. starting today with kendra.. here's ocean, by ten shekel shirt. here's to mr. poe's class and all our memories from bethel.

Lately, I've been thnking about You
And lately, I've been dreaming of You
And lately, I can't get You out of my head
Get You out of my head

Something about the ocean
Makes me rise up and praise
Something about the heavens
Something about the ocean
And I'm lost in love again

I'll sing until I sense a smile
Upon Your great and lovely face
And till I know Your glory's in this place
Your glory's in this place

15 days. it will be amazing. but until then, i've got to get the rest of this stuff off my mind. the whole kendra thing, for one. one of my best friends moving away.. i don't really get a warning. as soon as they find a house, they're gone. back to camp hill where she can be with taylor, her best friend, i guess. the girls here, i don't know what i would do without them to help me through it all.

love always .. cheesecake <3

my heart keeps falling faster..

well, glad we got to talk that out. oy. i feel no different. just more wary. whatever. so i talked to mere through that whole thing. ooooh my goodness. mere, you totally know how to cheer me up. "the more i go through this with him, the more i like dogs." lol, i love you.

bswrestlerdork06: if you need to talk, im here
bswrestlerdork06: i know we've had some issues in the past, but i still want to be here for my friend
Blondie3535: and there are times like these that i need that

thanks. :)

everybody dance now..

umm, i don't really know what to say about tonight. i didn't get much from aaron, sorry, but i got a whole lot from paul, grant, and karen. thanks. these cliques, you don't even know the exist, but see, we do. we see them because we're on the receiving end of them. of course you don't see it, you are it.

there are some things that i need to say to a few people.. as soon as i work up the strength, i will. i guess tonight was necessary, we've been avoiding the inevitable for a long time now.. a year, is my guess. grant, paul, and sharon.. everyone.. was saying how we should take the oppurtunity to talk to those people.. mine hit me in the face and i didn't even realize it until karen said "that was your opportunity." there was another small hinderance that would've caused a problem at the beginning, but as i watched, it would have been perfect and i missed it. oh well, there's another day. tomorrow, maybe.

alright, i'm tired and i have a lot on my mind.. see ya..

when a man loves a woman..

hey, guys. this morning, church. mandy and i got yelled at by sara.. several times. :) haha and the lady that was sitting behind us was chewing her gum like a cow.. it was driving me nuts! then i went bowling with the family.. 133, haha wow, i haven't bowled in quite a while.. alright, that's it for now. youth group at 6, aaron's giving the message. yeah, i was surprised too, but hey, maybe i'll really be surprised and he'll be good. just doesn't seem like that kind of guy to me. he's a football player, wrestler (oh speaking of wrestlers, congrats gabe and jeremy.. good luck next weekend), just the kind of jock that you wouldn't expect to be preaching. well, i'll let y'all know how that goes.. here are the songs..

(stolen from Lindsay)
Think of me
Think of my fondly when we've said goodbye
Remember me
Once in a while, please promise me you'll try
When you find that once again
You long to take your heart back and be free
If you ever find a moment
Spare a thought for me
We never said our love was evergreen
Or as unchanging as the sea
But if you can still remember
Stop and think of me
Think of all the things we've shared and seen
Don't think about the way things might have been
Think of me
Think of me walking, silent and resigned
Imagine me trying too hard to put you from my mind
Recall those days
Look back on all those times
Think of the things we'll never do
There will never be a day when I won't think of you


Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true
Till that day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where love takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory I lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be
'Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking might have been
All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
You'll always be the one I know, I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try
I just can't say goodbye

A part of me will always be with you...

* what is your [biggest] regret of all time? the one that would change in an instant if you had the chance.. i don't have to decide between a few regrets.. i have one that stands out strong in my mind. and it hurts.

16 days left.. sixteen days and i'm out of this place. those few days will be the best of my life. time spent completely carefree. no regrets.

if my tears had any power, I would cry..

if my tears had any power, i would cry.

i definitely love that.. so tomorrow is knocking.. only a few hours away.. but those few hours will tick by slowly and dreadfully and tomorrow will come like most things do.. unavoidable under all circumstances. but, that's the way life is.. unfair at times, unpredictable at times, and so amazing at most others.

2 am and she calls me cause I'm still awake
can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him and winter just wasn't my season
yeah, we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
like they have any right at all to criticize
hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

cause you can't jump the track
we're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
no one can find the rewind button, girl
so just cradle your head in your hands
and breathe, just breath

may he turned 21 on the base of fort bliss
just today he sat down to the flask in his fist
ain't been sober since maybe october of last year
here in town you can tell he's been down for a while
but my god, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
wanna hold him, but maybe i'll just sing about it

cause you can't jump the track
we're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
no one can find the rewind button, boys
so cradle your head in your hands
and breathe, just breathe

there's a light at the end of the tunnel
you shout cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be
and these mistakes you've made
you'll just make them again if you'll only try turnin' around

2 am and i'm still awake writing this song
if i get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me
threatening the life it belongs to
and i feel like i'm naked in front of the crowd
cause these words are my diary screaming out loud

but you can't jump the track
we're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
no one can find the rewind button now
sing it if you understand
breathe, just breathe

chasing love up against the sun..

here's to you, dan..

Call up, ring once, hang up the phone
To let me know you made it home
Don't want nothing to be wrong with my part-time lover

If she's with me I'll blink the lights
To let you know tonight's the night
For me and you, my part-time lover

We are undercover passion on the run
Chasing love up against the sun
We are strangers by day, lovers by night
Knowing it's so wrong, but feeling so right

If I'm with friends and we should meet
Just pass me by, don't even speak
Know the word's "discreet" when part-time lovers

But if there's some emergency
Have a male friend to ask for me
So then she won't peek its really you, my part-time lover

We are undercover passion on the run
Chasing love up against the sun
We are strangers by day, lovers by night
Knowing it's so wrong, but feeling so right

We are undercover passion on the run
Chasing love up against the sun
We are strangers by day, lovers by night
Knowing it's so wrong, but feeling so right

I've got something that I must tell
Last night someone rang our doorbell
And it was not you, my part-time lover

And then a man called our exchange
But didn't want to leave his name
I guess that two can play the game
Of part-time lovers

You and me, part-time lovers

it's your love, it just does something to me..

she gets what she wants, once again. being a spoiled little brat is rough, isn't it? it's people like you that really get under everyone's skin. and i can't say much for your boy either. just one heck of a couple we have here. both liars, both cheaters. how does it feel? tell me, is your main goal in life to ruin me? if so, it's working.

i hate this.

you're so vain.

let's get physical..

tonight was awesome.. haha erin was on something, but omg, I laughed so much.. she cracks me up.. funny stuff from my "notebook".. hehe get it? emily, lindsay, and erin.. my girls. :D and mere, who was at a concert.. haha awesome.

emily: all they do is make out
erin: that's not a bad thing
abby: ahem, aaron
lindsay: oh, man

erin: *hits tv* he's naked! oh man, we're missing the best part!
lindsay: oh man, I gotta take a picture of this!
emily: STOP POUNDING!
*ding dong*
emily: guys I need more money!

emily: guys, I can't find the remote
abby: whoops, sitting on something.
erin: gosh!

erin: I peed myself.

erin: is he a preacher? is it like that movie 'preacher's wife'? so rachel thinks he's hott? he is kind of hott.. if you really look at him.. maybe not.. rachel thinks a lot of guys are hott..
lindsay: stop talking.

erin: when I have a kid, I want to name her rorrrrry.

erin: you wanna be lesbian with me?
emily: you know, I actually considered that once.. seriously.

erin: this better be another leonardo dicaprio movie where she gets naked.

noah: from green to red to yellow
abby: they don't go in that order

mr. noah's dad: want some breakfast?
emily: it's dark outside
erin: she's going to get raped next

erin: guys, mountain dew really looks like pee.

abby: her butt is like hellooooo
emily: it's all those pancakes she ate

erin: the first time I did it was in the back of my mom's van
lindsay: what?!
erin: just kidding. gosh!

erin: nekked, nekked, nekked.
lindsay: that's what jon used to say
erin: oh.. nAked, nAked, nAked

erin: look at my..
lindsay: how did you do that?!

erin: I'm not a whore, just fat.

abby: yeah, do it with your clothes on
erin: that could be hot

erin: let's make love with bloody fingers
abby: eww
lindsay: is that on key?
emily: no way.

erin: I'm a champion log thrower.. from Norway :)

emily: next time erin makes a stupid comment, she has to run around the house without shoes in the snow
abby: how about naked?
mr. lefin: no, not an option
emily: why not?
mr. lefin: no
emily: but we've done it before!!

erin: he's really scrawney
lindsay: yeah he is
erin: I like that in a man

lindsay: fine, have fun in the snow. we're watching the sex scene
erin: no! we wanna watch it! I like sex! two bodies, nakedness, pressed together, no one can deny..

allie: you're gonna have to talk me through this
abby: "preparing for entry"

erin: oh dang, I like him a lot.

erin: he's going to rape him. as in sex.
lindsay: good, erin.
abby: eww. two he's. eww.

erin: I didn't know we were going out.
abby: we're not.

erin: save a horse, ride a cowboy, that's what you're going to do. all. day. long.
lindsay: you're funnier than nick.

erin: my toes are turning black, is that bad?

erin: YOU GO, GRAMMA!

erin: I'd stick grape jelly where the sun don't shine, like in your eye 'cuz obviously she can't see they're in loooove.

erin: he's no-o-o-o-o-oh. no-o-oo-ah. no-uhh. noo-wah. noah.

erin: they die lonely virgins. sucks for them.

*intimate scene, talking about noah*
erin: niiice
lindsay: wait, pause it, I gotta take a picture

mary ellen: what do you want from me?
emily: sex. and drugs. get high. with twizzlers.
erin: gosh.

emily: he's getting her drunk.. smart man.

erin: they're gonna do it on the table? she's gonna burn her hair!

emily: I'll read you poetry on the porch
erin: you're not a boy
emily: how do you know?
erin: don't touch me like that, it's weird.

clint: you let me touch your nose.
emily: I'm a free person.

erin: hi, I'm ethel, my name is tar lungs.
abby: wow, she's got two names. way to go, erin.
erin: I'm sorry. gosh.

abby: what? now she's a nun?
erin: no! she's a priest! gosh.

lindsay: look at the cute ducks, they're so romantic.
emily: those would be swans.

erin: wanna have sex in the boat with me?
abby: what are you on?
erin: nooooothing..

emily: hott guys are more hott when they're wet.

emily: thank you!
lindsay: bow-chicka-boww-boww!
erin: she wants it.
emily: yeah, she does
abby: hello boobs.
lindsay: sloooow down.
erin: wait, let me take my earrings out. let's have an orgy.
abby: what?!?
erin: it's from the musical. :)
lindsay: woman, you're engaged.. whore.

emily: crap, that would be my mom.. and my little sister.

emily: he's thinking a threesome.. please. oh, please.

erin: they did it again? the bed's gonna get awfully squeaky.

abby: yeah, I like to paint naked too.

emily: she's got her wedding ring on, sitting naked in a blanket.. she is a tramp.

emily: if she chokes on that twizzler and dies, you are buying me a new poodle!

erin: let's get physical, physical.

lindsay: yeah, it's definitely not as cool with the old people..

erin: he's gonna rape her
lindsay: they're gonna get it on
abby: they're 90
emily: eww, it would be all flappy and droopy..

erin: is that the door?
emily: no, they're bangin' downstairs
*abby, erin, and lindsay burst into a fit of laughter*
emily: girls, girls, your minds are in the gutters.

lindsay: she's tone deaf.
abby: wow, definitely thought you said stoned
lindsay: how many drinks have you had?
erin: 5 strawberry dacqueris..

erin: she's farting, she's farting!
abby: no! no! no!
erin: everybody listen! wait! that's a squeaky spot on the floor!

emily: you offered!
erin: *pets emily's hair* I know, I just like making a big deal out of nothing.
emily: put your head on my bosom.
erin: no, don't make me!
emily: look, it will make you feel better, UgH! *grunts while shoves erin into her boobs*
erin: she's going to RAPE ME!!!!


"I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day." -Noah

"I can be fun, if you want. Pensive, uh, smart. Uh, Superstitious, brave, and uh, I can be light on my feet. I can be whatever you want. You just tell me what you want and I’ll be that for you." -Noah

"Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They are shooting stars. A spectacular moment of light in the heavens. A fleeting glimpse of eternity. And in a flash, they're gone."- Duke

"I am no one special, just a common man with common thoughts. I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect, I've succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and for me, that has always been enough." -Duke

"If you're a bird, I'm a bird."- Noah

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever." - Noah

"Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a b!tch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing. - Noah (haha that one makes me laugh.)

It's not about keeping your promises, it's about following your heart. - Noah

In spite of everything, I love you. -Noah

Allie: Do you think our love could create miracles?
Noah: I think our love could do anything we wanted it to.

I LOVE YOU GIRLS!

since you been gone, I can breathe for the first time..

MY DRESS CAME IN TODAY! my mom went downstairs to check the mail and it's here! it finally came! it's so awesome! it comes right above my knees with pink polka dots. YAY! and.. upon expirament.. it twirls! like in all the dancing movies, like, "dirty dancing", the girl has a dress that twirls when she spins.. oh, I'm in love with this dress. <3 haha.. so, tonight, I'm going to spend time with the girls and I am so excited. :-D what better way to spend my friday night.. better than some freaking wrestling match (thank goodness I talked my dad out of it).. but I missed josh and gabe today! what was I supposed to do in geometry without my josh? I felt so alone. :( haha.. and gabe.. no one was there to annoy me in french class except tyler. oh, yeah, question. what does this say to all of you?

tyler sucks. -me

yeah, that's what I thought, thank you. tyler, you are a moron. "Beam hearts you." take it off, I lied. :) haha so anyways, going over to emily's tonight. I love my ladies.

Auto response from bravesbabie810: counting down the minutes until girls night. i really need to get away from the world, i feel like its all crashing down on me.

lindsay, we love you.. bring the ice cream and prepare to gain weight.. we'll be rolling you down the hall to your next classes on monday.. this party has a mission.. wallow in self-pity and ice cream. haha, or we can just watch movies. :)

tomorrow is autumn's birthday party.. yay, just like mine! out for tokyan.. or something like that. aww, my little autumn, I heart you. and I creamed you in gym class. yee-ah (that's my ghetto.. learned from coach. eww) ok, well, I gotta go get ready for tonight, see y'all there.

haha great movie:
"where's your happy face?"
"this is my happy face."

Smilee Barnacle: I'm going to take a nap
Blondie3535: happy napping
Smilee Barnacle: after I play this strange japanese game where I kill some guy with my bike
^that's my jordan.. *shakes head*

here's the thing
we started out friends
it was cool, but it was all pretend
since you been gone
you dedicated, you took the time
wasn't long till I called you mine
since you been gone
and all you'd ever hear me say
is how I pictured me with you
that's all you'd ever hear me say

but since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I"m so moving on
thanks to you, now I get what I want
since you been gone

how can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
since you been gone
how come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
guess you never felt that way

but since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
thanks to you, I now get what I want
since you been gone

you had your chance, you blew it
out of sight, out of mind
shut your mouth, I just can't take it
again and again and again and again

since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
thanks to you, now I get, I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
thanks to you, now I get
you should know, now I get what I want
since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time

I looked into your eyes and faced my deepest fear..

SoccD38: hey, r u going to girls night?
SoccD38: for obvious reason (dont u dare crack a joke about that) i wasnt invited
SoccD38: u gonna answer that, or u tryin to come up with a tims a girl joke?
Blondie3535: haha no, i went downstairs
Blondie3535: but i'm sure emily just lost your number, or she would have called
Blondie3535: and yes, i think i'm going
Blondie3535: :)
SoccD38: shut it
Blondie3535: i heart you, tim.

ClearAsCrystal44 (8:54:57 PM): sooo... i had a conversation with ali
ClearAsCrystal44 (8:55:06 PM): and we want to go to the thing tomrorw night and like streak lol
ClearAsCrystal44 (8:55:19 PM): and then yell profane words in the windows and dance around naked
ClearAsCrystal44 (8:55:20 PM): lol
CoffeeBeaner68 (8:55:37 PM): AWESOME.
ClearAsCrystal44 (8:55:43 PM): lol
ClearAsCrystal44 (8:55:52 PM): and do it all while aaron is giving his testimony
CoffeeBeaner68 (8:55:58 PM): that would rock.
ClearAsCrystal44 (8:56:23 PM): lol and then i'm gonna look at him and go look what your missing retard and we're gonna run away before anyone can catch us or get to us or know its us lol
ClearAsCrystal44 (8:56:31 PM): except for you... you'd know... but your not gonna be there lol

It was a coldest day in December
A day I always will remember
I looked into your eyes
And faced my deepest fear
I had drifted too far
Far from you my dear

So how could I
Turn away from the one I love
How could I
When I know what my heart's made of
Could it be
That your soul lives inside of me
How could I ever say good-bye
Why was I so afraid to tell her
That for her I would fight a thousand soldiers
But just like an angry child
I kept my feelings locked inside
There were rivers of tears
But the one thing I knew in my heart
Is that I was fading much too fast

So how could I
Turn away from the one I love
How could I
When I know what my heart's made of
Could it be
That your soul lives inside of me
How could I ever say good-bye
Why was I so afraid to tell her
That for her I would fight a thousand soldiers
But just like an angry child
I kept my feelings locked inside
There were rivers of tears
But the one thing I knew in my heart
Is that I was fading much too fast

even though the pain and heartache seem to follow me wherever I go..

sorry about the slighty upset entry. tonight was boring. I watched evan for a little while dad and tyler went skiing.. which isn't fair, dan asked me to go and I couldn't, I had to watch the kid. can't wait till I get back from my trip, I will owe no one a penny. so then sarah got back and we went into the bead shop then went to the hamilton for dinner.. that place is great. hotchi dogs and vanilla coke. yum. so then we went shopping for an easter dress and, explain to me this, I wasn't allowed to get anything. ??? Sarah got 2 shirts, evan got a shirt, sarah got tyler a shirt, and we got karly flowers.. but we went shopping for me and I couldn't get anything. I was like.. umm, ooookay. that's cool. so my mom is taking me shopping friday night. just kidding. I won't be here. umm, crap. maybe we'll go next tuesday. since I had my dress crisis earlier, I've been like a dress nazi. so, now I'm here, sarah is making brownies.

tomorrow night promises to be a good one. things like this are always fun. you girls never let me down :) oh what would I do without you? honest answer: die.. or at least be seriously injured trying to make my way through this world. my ladies, oh you have no idea how much I love you all. :) you are the greatest things since sliced bread and I thank you for that. :squeeze: oh, my closest friends.

I looked into your eyes and faced my deepest fear.

you're my best friend..

it must suck being perfect. why don't you take the time to tell us all about it?

we live, there's the power of love..

I realized today how horrible of a friend I am. at lunch, kendra brought my attention to something I did yesterday.. and I knew I did it, and did nothing about it. so we were sitting in french class yesterday and we were working on the packets, and I was working with tyler, because we're a kick-butt team. but kendra asked me what "il faut" meant.. so I looked at her paper, and then tyler said something, and I turned back around to talk to him. so then she's like, "abby, what does it mean?" I had forgotten what she was talking about so I looked at her paper again and turned back to talk to tyler. she thought enough of me to give me one more shot, and said, "abby! il faut! what does that mean?!" and I was like, "uhh.. what?" so I deserved it when she said, "just forget it, talk to tyler." I knew that I had been stupid, but I turned around to talk to him. how easy is it to just say "it is necessary," but I couldn't even do that. and we were talking at lunch today and she brought that up.. she just had this look in her eyes like, "ya know, I've been here, and when he comes around, I fall to the bottom of your list." like this condemning look.. and it hurt, and I know that I've been a total jerk lately, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry.. to all of you.

anyways, EARLY DISMISSAL TODAY! woohoo. that totally rocked my world. gym was cool. I owned in pushups. these dinky little arms beat the rest of the girls except tori.. then sit ups.. grace and I did them the hard way when we didn't know we could do the half kind. ergh. we could have kicked butt. so I ended up national for situps and presidential for pushups (sweet). then english and merlie totally called the early dismissal. then geometry, party for schiavoni on tuesday! umm.. then we went home. simple as that. at the end of geometry class, I was being quiet in my little corner and kyle gave me tyler's shoe and I gave it back to tyler..

"are you alright?"
"yeah."
"ok. *turns away then turns back around* are you sure?"
"umm.. no.."
"no? it's alright, beam. I'm here."

so totally didn't need that. just feeding kendra her bait. tonight I'm watching the kid. tomorrow night, who knows. well, I know that lindsay and I are definitely having an LA (try to figure that one out, lindz.. not a toughie) night.. we're watching ''the notebook'', I think. not going to court's thing.. wish I could though, to hear aaron.. for meredith. give her an update, maybe fill him in on this whole thing since he hasn't got a clue of his own. but aaron's a good speaker.. and he's giving his testimony.. which is a powerful one. but lindsay and I are totally getting rid of guys and just hunkering down with popcorn, ice cream, and tissue (I'll supply them) and watching these girly movies and crying our eyes out.

good afternoon, everyone.

Love is like the wind,
Sometimes it blows your way,
And until now
It missed me somehow.
But when I turned around
I saw you standing there.
The sound of your voice-
I had no choice.
I used to have a wish
One day I'd feel like this.
Now I know love exists
'Cause it's standing right next to me.
Beneath the moon tonight
I see it in your eyes
No more false starts,
No more broken hearts.
I used to have a wish
One day I'd feel like this.
Now I know love exists
'Cause it's standing right next to me.
Even in the dark,
Even when you're gone
I feel you in my heart.
I used to have a wish
One day I'd feel like this.
Now I know love exists
'Cause it's standing right next to me.
Standing right next to me.

isn't she lovely? isn't she wonderful?

haha today was one heck of a day. started out with photo.. I realized the dark room is dark for a reason. ;) for tyler to have fun. haha we took a picture today.. mine turned out sooo cool. yay! :) I had on my fun shoes and knee socks with my jean skirt, and the picture was supposed to be of me and alicia, but the camera was off center and it just got my knees down, and it was off center.. and my socks were black and my shoes were gray in the picture because we developed the negatives. but it looks so cool! better than tyler and mike's haha.. bad, guys, bad. and mike, you almost got beat up by a girl, what is that? she was "all up in yo' grill" -- oh my gosh I thought I was going to die.. but now I know you weren't talking about HER, you were talking about ME. thanks for that buddy.

*twists my hair around finger* "Why don't you trust me, Abby? I would never do anything to you."
"Except for that thing you said outside."
"Man, Tyler, I had her going."
"Yeah, ya had me going. *goes over to Tyler and puts on Mike's whiny voice* So what did he say?"
"Oh dang. Don't do that."

so then English was cool.. got back an english test, which I housed, by the way. got the bonus and all.. 59/58. sweet. :) then.. french because of grad project. kendra was upset over something. tyler and I got in trouble again. and isn't it uncanny the way that game works? "around the world" no matter where we are in the world, I end up by him.. we pinky promised for photo next class.. very interesting.

then.. geometry test, which I also housed. then lunch, where I hung out with the cool kids -- megan, josh, kim, gabe, nate, jeff, and kendra. then back to french, where we spent the rest of the time talking about photo and geometry and how I'm just so much cooler than him altogether.

"I've never used that word before in my life."
"and boy, do I feel special that I was the first person you've used it on."
"you're not mad?"
"nah."
"good. I fail classes when you're mad at me."
"you'll die when I'm gone."
"yep. hey, why don't you call from europe to give me answers?"
"I don't think so."

gabe went commando today. what a sigh to behold. puke. never again do I want to see that.

news on kendra--I'll find out Sunday.

this weekend--eww, spending it at the wrestling match. my dad wants to go. since when was he interested in wrestling? he wants to go see josh.. so we'll be there.. all day saturday. ugh. it could be fun, josh, josh, gabe, cody.. but uhh, yeah, maybe I'll invite myself over to someone's house or something. (Lindsay, are you doing anything? you can come with me, it'll be like old times. ENSURE! eww.)

ANYONE UP FOR GIRLS NIGHT OUT?! or like Lindsay said, CHICK FLICK NIGHT with the guys? oh, they're so much fun. we gotta love 'em. :)

Mere--remember that talk we had a while ago? when I was venting and had 30 reasons why he shouldn't be doing what he is? what did you say to me, do you remember? I think you said, moving on is part of life. you've never been so miserable before in your life. when you met aaron, ahh, heaven. I KNOW. he's one of those guys that seems perfect. strong christian, pretty as heck, and there for you. now, tell me, where did that go? Mere, if he was worth even a glimpse from you, he would be the kind of guy that calls every weekend just to say hey. just to make sure you were okay. just because he cared. Mere, he hasn't called. remember the basketball game when he said, "hey, thanks for coming," then totally left us to talk to that other girl. Mere, he's not worth it. I promise you. I know it's hard. I know that you feel like giving in, but don't let yourself. the only way you'll get over him is to be strong. be strong, mere. I know you can do it. you, more than anyone else in the world, understand what hell I went through, because you're in the exact same situation. and it sucks, I know. believe me, I know. he is not worth you. he's causing you so much pain, meredith, and he has no idea. now, come on, is this the guy you want? is this the aaron that you are letting do this to you? it's aaron. aaron. aaron. aaron. nothing special about aaron. he's a nice guy, yes, some of the time. do you want a guy that loves you, some of the time? do you want a guy that cares for you, some of the time? do you want to go through this with someone to lean on, some of the time. mere, I love you too much to let him do this to you. if I could, I would make all this pain go away, but I can't. only you can. he won't realize what he's doing any time soon. he doesn't even know how you feel. I remember the play we went to at carlisle. you were so happy.. just being there with him.. but he didn't acknowledge us.. except for our excessive singing along with elvis.. because ali was there. do you want someone who is so wrapped up in something he can't have that he doesn't see your true beauty? someday, somewhere, you will find the one. the one that looks like austin rutz or chad michael murry or ryan, your choice (I'd take rutz haha).. with the personality of a true sweetheart and one that cares like you'd never believe. one that makes himslef vulnerable, he's honest and true, doesn't flirt with other girls (ahem), and he's yours mere, all yours. I'm always here, mere.. even at 2 in the morning.

ok, well I gotta go, I heart you all.. bye!

Though my heart is breaking, I will love again

Did I ever tell you how you live in me
Every waking moment, even in my dreams
And if all this talk is crazy
And you don't know what I mean
Does it really matter
Just as long as I believe

I will love again
Though my heart is breaking, I will love again
Stronger than before
I will love again
Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you
Heaven only knows, I will love again

People never tell you
The way they truly feel
I would die for you gladly
If I knew it was for real
So if all this talk sounds crazy
And the words don't come out right
Does it really matter
If it gets me through this night

If I'm true to myself, nobody else can take the place of you
But I've got to move on, tell me what else can I do

I will love again
One day I know, I will love again
You can't stop me from loving again, breathing again
Feeling again

wow, rough day. this morning sucked. kendra gave me some news, which doesn't upset me, it just hurt. a lot. just another lie in the whole scheme of things. so during gym, I just worked my butt off.. running is a great stress reliever. autumn and I did 23 laps.. then played 4-square.. which is also a stress reliever.. just hit the ball as hard as you possibly can. english was cool. nothing new. resource was cool until kendra wouldn't let me and tyler do our homework. then geometry.. me and josh CREAMED the class. brownie points to us. french was awesome. tyler's the coolest. gabe is just weird (and stupid, may I add.. the hand thing, NOT smart). watched evan from 4 till 9.. good $ for that.

3 weeks from today and I'm out of this place.

oh sympathy, where have you gone?

All it took was one chance. One glance in my direction. One sweet little e-mail. One little football game. One important phone call. One stupid math test. One song. One day without him. One concert. One summer. One smile. One Christmas. One cheesecake. One challenge. One track meet. One car ride. One snow storm. One breakfast. One manhunt. One night in the woods, covered from head to toe in camo--with no intension whatsoever--just to have fun. One look at you and I was hooked for the rest of my life.. or so I thought.

Thanks, Mere. I needed that nudge--ok, so it was more a slap in the face--to help me along. You've been there, you've done it. The exact same thing. And you made it through.. perfectly.

ClearAsCrystal44 (3:32:18 PM): i think he used you so he can feel good about himself, i think he's a jerk, i think he flirts with other girls, i think he does things you don't know about (maybe not i don't no), i think hes rude, i don't think hes that great, and i think i'd smack him for being a butthole if i had the chance...
CoffeeBeaner68 (3:32:47 PM): yes, that man that you just described

CoffeeBeaner68 (3:36:36 PM): 2. anything he could possibly talk about, he's defied, almost guaranteed. unless he's talking about noahs ark or walking on water.. he's never done that

CoffeeBeaner68 (3:37:07 PM): 4. if he says anything about trust, love, of faithfulness, i'll puke then kill him


I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And, if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
somewhere only we know?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And, if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

she says her love for me could never die..

good afternoon, all. today's been an interesting one. found out some more good information.. which totally confuses me. yikes. we'll see next week. and I also found out about heidi.. I am so sorry. so lindsay and I decided that next sunday, I'm going to laugh. I'm just going to go and laugh. it's going to smack me in the stomach like a bag of bricks.. and I'm going to laugh. chances are, it will hurt. but I'll laugh.

bravesbabie810 (3:18:15 PM): go and laugh. laughing is good

here's my song..

It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss and
It's gettin' better baby
No one can better this I'm still hold on and you're still the one
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on

So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me
This pain I'm going through
Please forgive me
If I need ya like I do
Please believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you

Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch
We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough
I'm still holdin' on

You're still number one
I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you
I remember the nights ya know I still do

One thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
And the one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath
I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'...

it's getting closer, baby

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR KRISTIN!
HAPPY BIRHTDAY TO YOU!
Here's to 15.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SARA!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
Here's to 18.

who are you really, deep inside your heart, you're meant for me..

funny conversations tonight..

soccer12andahalf: was it throne?
soccer12andahalf: because that is my first and last guess
Blondie3535: THORNE!
Blondie3535: not throne!
soccer12andahalf: haha i'll take that as a yes
Blondie3535: NO!

soccer12andahalf: actually, caitlin asked me who i could get other then her tonight, and i told her your name on the list
soccer12andahalf: and she asked who on the list would actually be your type
soccer12andahalf: i said you
soccer12andahalf: and she asked
soccer12andahalf: why
soccer12andahalf: and what it takes to make my type
soccer12andahalf: and i said pretty
^thanks.. jerk. haha

soccer12andahalf: i've got a g/f that loves me
soccer12andahalf: what do you have?
Blondie3535: haha a pothead with a nazi girlfriend

CoffeeBeaner68: freaking wench can't live without him! whore.
CoffeeBeaner68: wow, that was really mean
CoffeeBeaner68: dear jesus, please forgive me.. then strike her dead.
CoffeeBeaner68: oh, i can't even pray nice
bravesbabie810: ABBY BEAM!!!!!!!! lol

bravesbabie810: i dont really look at the dads.
CoffeeBeaner68: yeah, i don't either
CoffeeBeaner68: dads are.. dads.. which means they are married.. with a kid
^I think I've been hanging out with Lindsay too much haha.. I may not know how to express myself, but I will always know how to make a grilled cheese sandwich. :)

CoffeeBeaner68: and he's too wrapped up in whatever is bothering him to notice
bravesbabie810: selfish pig
CoffeeBeaner68: yes, something like that

Blondie3535: i feel like i'm talking to a wall
Smilee Barnacle: Numbers is on
Smilee Barnacle: You should know you can't distract a geek while he's concentrating
Blondie3535: it's 11
Blondie3535: the nerd show has to be over
Smilee Barnacle: It is over
Smilee Barnacle: and I prefer geek to nerd
^case in point?

Auto response from bravesbabie810: blowing my nose and getting a drink.
bravesbabie810: CasterGunGene: that was an incredible sexy away message
bravesbabie810: EW WHO THE CRAP IS THAT
CoffeeBeaner68: sounds like a keeper

so kiss me, underneath the milky twilight..

boo. so today, I finally decided on a dress.. I was going to get the 50's one with the ballet slippers. I got on the website to order the ballet slippers and they can't be sent until April. then, I went to order the pretty, expensive one, but IT can't be sent until a day after I leave! so, I just went back and got the 50's dress and I'll get Kendra to help me make slippers and then I'll go find a cheap easter one and we'll spice it up. it'll be fun. :) if she's here still. something is going on with her and I don't know what it is. something with her dad, I think. my guess is her dad got a new job at cla and she has to move. I don't want her to leave, she's my strength when I'm weak and when I try to lie my way out of a problem, she's the one that can really see straight through me.. even when I try to insist that I'm fine. I don't want her to go. but I guess all things happen for a reason, we'll see how it all goes. I could be totally off base on this whole thing, too. but I think, this once, my hunch is a good one.. or not so good.

so today was a great day. haha :) we had photo.. haha mike got a saturday detention because he was tardy too many times. poor guy. in english, I put my talents to work. we had to draw a picture and I drew a picture of my dream coffee shop. it was easily the best one up on the wall. so then we had a track meeting.. harker is making cuts! eww! in the history of boiling springs, cuts from the track team have NEVER EVER EVER been made! and we had to order team warm up suits.. I put myself down for one, but when I got home, Sarah was like, psh, yeah right! so.. whoops. I guess we'll see how that goes. eww, that's annoying. and our class meeting was cancelled because the packets aren't in yet. so then geometry.. haha Josh is my hero. I would be so lost in that class without him. I can never get any of the little puzzles and he always has to help me. in class, Jestine and I decorated our squares and I made a box for her, Kim, Josh, and Kendra. oh, that was fun. so then I was off to geometry class. ok, so I think I told most of you about Tyler and my incident with talking during Shrek. well, Tyler moved up a couple of seats because barrick had a kid shadowing him. so the kid sat beside me instead of Tyler. well, mlle vanasdalan gave us these sheets of our class participation grade and there was a section about talking in class. so when I got mine back, it said, "good work, but don't get distracted by the boys in our class." I showed it to tyler and he laughed.. then later we got a worksheet and this was our conversation..

me: who am I supposed to work with now that you are sitting the whole way over there?!
tyler: I know! I miss you already!
me: what did you get on your test?
tyler: 88, you?
me: 93.. ugh, stupid mistakes!
tyler: whatever, you cheated off of me.
me: haha yeah right, I think it was the other way around..
tyler: ok, so maybe I glimpsed at your paper for the listening section..
me: bad, tyler, you are bad.
tyler: oh but you know you want me.
me: well, yeah, that's an undeniable fact.
barrick: no way, she wants ME!
me: eww
tyler: sorry barrick, she's mine.
me: yep, all tyler's.
tyler: that's right babe. :*

haha it was so funny.. he blew me a kiss in the middle of class, I swear my face turned 7 different shades of red. I laughed. and aww, sean, I love him. he's the greatest. he stood up for me today.. which was totally awesome.

ok, here's a song.. enjoy.

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map

Those butterflies deep between my heart and stomach tell me I'm alive.

Ok, so upon my mundane searches of the files hidden deep inside my computer, I stumbled upon something that I made up quite a while ago. But what's written in there is still true.. enjoy.

*field hockey*track*you form as a team and learn to play as a team.. it's a beautiful thing to see happen, as you begin to rely on your teammates and think of them more than just another player on the team. it's not about what you get out of it.. it's all about what you put into it.. play with your heart.in this life long love song.. you can love right, you can love wrong.. in this love song, you can love long.. but if you love wrong, it doesnt mean love's gone..i can show you the world.. shining, shimmering, splendid.. now tell me princess.. when did you last let your heart decide?.. i can open your eyes.. take you wonder by wonder.. over sideways and under.. on a magic carpet ride.. a whole new world.. a new fantastic point of view.. no one to tell us no.. or where to go.. a whole new world.. a dazzling place i never knew.. but when im way up here.. its crystal clear.. that now im in a whole new world.. with you..the stars shine so much brighter when I'm with you.. you put such a sparkle into my eyes..if I could ask God for one thing, I would ask him to freeze the moon so that this night would last forever. *such a great night* look into my eyes, you're all you'll see inside. the worst feeling is having to doubt something you thought was unquestionable. *still words to live by, and boy, do I know how that feels* your voice makes me tremble inside.. and your smile is an invitation.. for my imagination to run wild.. feelings are falling free..imaginations dance.. :.: my friends:.: hey to all of you!!! wow.. this has been one crazy year.. we've been up, we've been down.. but somehow we all end up together. I live for the nights I'll always remember with the friends I'll never forget. to all of my friends.. I love you!!! no matter where we are or what we're doing.. we always end up laughing and having a blast..something about you guys.. hmm.. it's great. you're the best. I know you always have my back and will be there when I need it most. I love you more then you could imagine! those butterflies deep between my heart and stomach tell me im alive.. The best feelings are those that have no words to describe them.. did you ever wonder if dreams could come true.. if love songs and fairy tales were ever meant for you?.. did you ever wonder whats at a rainbows end.. or if romeo and juliet could ever happen again? ~school~ I have realized that you can get so much more out of it.. you're making life long friends and you're being introduced to new and unfamiliar people. you learn to recognize the type of people you want to be around and those that you would rather avoid. it's helping you mold into the person you wanna be. make the most of it.. don't take everything so seriously. take time off to be a kid. life's short so make the most of it while you can.. have fun. close your eyes, your beautiful when your sleeping.. tonight may all your dreams come true.. it's so nice to hold you while your sleeping.. when I'm sleeping next to you.. what we've got is something special.. and what we are is a perfect match.. and 3000 miles could never come between us.. no matter what we do.. it's always me and you.. I don't have much to give.. just pockets full of memories of days..
she thinks my tractors sexy.. it really turns her on.. shes always starin' at me.. while I'm chuggin' along.. *that is still our song* the only chance I'll take is on you.. I don't know how you do what you do.. I'm so in love with you.. it just keeps getting better.. I wanna spend the rest of my life.. with you by my side.. forever and ever.. every little thing that you do.. baby I'm amazed by you.. you’re taking up all the space in my head.. with all the things that we could do.. all the things that could be said.. it’s hard for me to try and understand.. the way I feel about you and the way it.. made me feel to hold your hand.. When no one else can understand me.. When everything I do is wrong.. You give me love and consolation.. You give me hope to carry on.. and your always there to lend a hand in everything i do.. and thats the wonder.. the wonder of you.. And when you smile the world is brighter.. You touch my hand and im a queen.. Your kiss to me is like a fortune.. Your love for me is everything.. i guess i'll never know the reason why you love me like you do.. and thats the wonder.. the wonder of you.. *Lindsay, this is where our love for Elvis began.. aww, good times* no one else on earth.. could ever hurt me.. break my heart the way you do.. no one else on earth.. was ever worth it.. no one could love me like you.. There's something about the look in your eyes.. Something I noticed when the light was just right.. It reminded me twice that I was alive.. And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight.. once in a while, in the middle of ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.. dreams last for so long.. even after you're gone..
to my ninja turtles:
donatello: rachel! I love you! youre such a beast! haha good luck with austin! lol and have fun in cananda! I didn't write you a bad note in your yearbook this year..lol I love you!
michelangelo: dude, lindsay i love you! we've had so many good times this year! haha kozup sooo liked us the most! haha deitch! ok, I'm not gonna write all of our jokes in here cuz there is definitely not enough room.. just read your yearbook (that we were in 13 times EACH) haha. love you!
rafael: omg, kristin, we have so much fun! haha when we were modeling at my house..and all those bike races! 10..canadian geese..12! haha that was great..lol your brother is my hero! love you bunches! :-*
shout-outs to ZORRO, SUPERMAN, XENA, CAT WOMAN, BATMAN, SPIDERMAN, JOLLY GREEN GIANT, THUNDER THIGHS, and HULK.

do you guys remember all that? haha I LOVE YOU ALL! x's and o's!

I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling..

So I haven't written in here for a couple of days. Yesterday we had photo.. Kendra wasn't there, so I hung out with Abby and Alisha.. very cool people. In French yesterday, we had a wacko sub. she told us that Madame Clark was too hard to say, so we had to call her Madame C. She made us sing for half of class.. the -ir verb endings (yeah, because they're so tough..) and then she put in Shrek. We had this worksheet that we had to do on the movie, but Tyler and I talked the entire time.. which was nice. :) We talked about everything.. Valentine's Day, my trip, the football team, Kendra, Austin, and the druggies in our school (mainly Bonshock). But, it was nice. Very needed after a rough day. This was all after we kicked butt on the study packet. We were the first ones done and we totally beat Gabe. We didn't get a single one wrong. Yeah, that's right, we are awesome. But then "Madame C" came back and wrote our names down because we were talking. Haha so we came up with an alibi, which wasn't really needed anyways. Mlle Vanasdalan didn't say anything about it. Today in class when everyone started talking about the movie, Tyler and I were like "SHUT UP!" because we didn't want to get in trouble.. but we didn't. Yay. And we had a test today.. Tyler's like, "I never pay attention, I don't know how I get such good grades. Oh, right. Because I'm with my Beamster." Haha it was funny.. guess you had to be there. So tonight, I took Kristin out to the coffee shoppe for her birthday since I can't be there tomorrow night. I had a caramel macchiato and raspberry cheesecake and she had hot chocolate and cheesecake. Yummy. Haha it was so funny! I was sitting there making a fool out of myself when I looked over at the guys on the computer next to us and I realized that one of them was Matt! I was like OH MY GOSH! I was like, talking to myself.. well, sort of. Like, I was on AIM, and I would say my response instead of type it to the person that I was talking to.. ya know? Haha maybe not, maybe I've had a little too much coffee for one night. Hmm.. tomorrow night, I'm going to Maryland to see my grandma.. then ordering my dresses, which ever ones I decide on. I have no idea! Let me know which ones you like.. chances are, I've made you look at them. But I don't know! If I get the pretty expensive one, yes, it's gorgeous, but then that's the only one I can get AND I have to get shoes. I like the 50's one with the ballet slippers. The green one is cute, too.. for Easter. Then there is the black and pink one that everyone says looks like a hooker dress, which it SO does not. It's cute! Go check them out: www.nordstroms.com and go to Juniors BP and then click on dresses. They're on there, except for the green one and the ballet slippers--those are both on www.delias.com so you can check those out too. Ok, well, I wrote a lot today, and I doubt any of you will read the whole thing, but yeah, I'll see y'all tomorrow at school. LOVE YOU!

xoxo..
abby

I don't have the strength to speak tonight..

Two songs.. or maybe more.. here's to Valentine's Day. <3 <3 <3

When a man loves a woman.. Can't keep his mind on nothin' else.. He'd trade the world.. For a good thing he's found.. If she is bad, he can't see it.. She can do no wrong.. Turn his back on his best friend.. If he puts her down.. When a man loves a woman.. Spend his very last dime.. Trying to hold on to what he needs.. He'd give up all his comforts.. And sleep out in the rain.. If she said that's the way.. It ought to be.. When a man loves a woman..

Some day, when I'm awfully low.. When the world is cold.. I will feel a glow just thinking of you.. And the way you look tonight.. Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm.. And your cheeks so soft.. There is nothing for me but to love you.. And the way you look tonight.. With each word your tenderness grows.. Tearing my fear apart... And that laugh that wrinkles your nose.. It touches my foolish heart.. Lovely.. Never, ever change.. Keep that breathless charm.. Won't you please arrange it ?.. 'Cause I love you.. Just the way you look tonight.

Wise men say only fools rush in.. But I can’t help falling in love with you.. Shall I stay.. Would it be a sin.. If I can’t help falling in love with you.. Like a river flows surely to the sea.. Darling so it goes.. Some things are meant to be.. Take my hand, take my whole life too.. For I can’t help falling in love with you.. Like a river flows surely to the sea.. Darling so it goes.. Some things are meant to be.. Take my hand, take my whole life too.. For I can’t help falling in love with you.. For I can’t help falling in love with you..

Have I told you lately that I love you.. Have I told you there’s no one else above you.. Fill my heart with gladness.. Take away all my sadness.. Ease my troubles that’s what you do.. For the morning sun in all it’s glory.. Greets the day with hope and comfort too.. You fill my life with laughter.. And somehow you make it better.. Ease my troubles that’s what you do.. There’s a love that’s divine.. And it’s yours and it’s mine like the sun.. And at the end of the day.. We should give thanks and pray.. To the one, to the one.. Have I told you lately that I love you.. Have I told you there’s no one else above you.. Fill my heart with gladness.. Take away all my sadness.. Ease my troubles that’s what you do.. There’s a love that’s divine.. And it’s yours and it’s mine like the sun.. And at the end of the day.. We should give thanks and pray.. To the one, to the one

but the street feels like it's sleeping..

Never lie, steal, cheat or drink. But if you must lie, lie with your woman.. if you must steal, steal her heart.. if you must cheat, cheat death.. and if you must drink, drink in the moments that will take your breath away.

^quote from "hitch"

funny conversation:
Blondie3535: screw you
soccer12andahalf: you would enjoy that way too much
Blondie3535: you are horrible
Blondie3535: i hate you haha
soccer12andahalf: we established that

soccer12andahalf: call me later
Blondie3535: okay
soccer12andahalf: are you joking?
Blondie3535: kind of, yes
soccer12andahalf: ouch
soccer12andahalf: i wasn't joking
soccer12andahalf: but fine
Blondie3535: :-D
soccer12andahalf: be like that
Blondie3535: fine, i'll call you
soccer12andahalf: haha
soccer12andahalf: no no
soccer12andahalf: you ruined it
soccer12andahalf: i am heart broken already
Blondie3535: too bad, you'll just have to hang up then
soccer12andahalf: so you're really calling me?
Blondie3535: yes, dan. i'll really call you
soccer12andahalf: you're a pill...."moi"

You're all that I want, you're all that I need..

Good morning all. Happy Valentine's Day. How pathetic is this? It's Valentine's Day and I'm sitting in my room, sick. I woke up at 6 this morning and almost puked on my dad.. so I stayed in my bed till 10. Then I realized that I kind of NEEDED to go to school.. class meeting, and missing math is bad.. I'm horrible in math, although, Geometry is the easiest class that I have ever had. AND Emily had my V-day stuff for me and I can't get it.. and we were getting our roses today.. so now what? I don't get my roses? Oy, that irks me. Maybe Kendra, being the great friend that she is, will get my roses and my presents and my work for me and bring it to me after school. I hope, but I really doubt she will. I want a friend like that. One that will bring you chicken noodle soup when you're sick, even if it totally inconveniences them. So.. back to movie night. Haha, very fun. Mere and I had a talk -- not so fun. Screw Aaron. If he is just going to let everything go down the drain, fine. He's not wonderful either. He may think that he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, but we have evidence to prove otherwise. Haha, don't worry, better will come. And better will be easy to do.. he's scum. :) So Mere, you have car rides to look forward to.. and I have car rides in my past. lol I love you. You're the greatest. So, once again, back to movie night. I tried to steal Tim's pillow--and didn't even realize it. I was just carrying it around. Ahhh, and my cowboy hat. I love it. :) Haha it's pink with a pink and white flower.. aww, so fun. "Nick! You are my cowboy in shining spurs!" (haha instead of knight in shining armor). We kicked butt in Monopoly. And Castles, you cheat. You stole money and in Guess Who? you cheated. I had absolutely NOTHING to do with it, what are you talking about? :-D haha and Tim.. kudos to you for the massages. But, my back still hurts. I wonder if there's like, chronic back annoyingness syndrome. If there is, I definitely have it. Hmm, so I'm sitting here thinking about my homework that I may have for tonight and I have Bryan Adams in my cd player (thanks Matt). Oy, okay, and I have to swim tomorrow. Last class. Boo. Alright, well I have to go, I'm going to take a nap.. bye!

Lots of Love on Valentine's Day --
Abby

There's black on the mirror and a red stain on my bed..

I love cowboy hats and daisies. :) ALMOST as much as I love playing hide-and-seek in Wal-Mart. haha Krisin and I were so freaking scared during the movie.. Logan will have bruises because I was holding onto his arm so tightly. Then Kristin and I got hit on by this 70-year old guy there.. eww, it was nasty.

"You can sit on my lap."
"We need to leave, now."
"I didn't know she had a boyfriend."
"She doesn't."
"Yes, I do, YOU are my boyfriend."
"How about you? Do you have a boyfriend? Do YOU want to stay?"
"Eeeeshk!"
*as we all ran out of the theatre, with my cowboy hat and daisies in my grasp :)*

At Tim's:
"You can put your shoes in the closet."
:I go to open the door: "I am NOT opening that door. The Boogeyman is hiding in there. Tim, you do it, you're allowed to die."
"Why thank you"

Haha, I'll write more later. Love you all!

-Abby

could you show me something dear, something I've never seen before?

Well, it's Friday night and everyone is doing something but me. Dad and Sarah are out for Valentine's Day. Tyler is over at Greg's. Evan is at his daycare. All of my friends are doing something. And guess what. Here I am talking to Dan and Jordan.. except Dan just left and Jordan is telling me about what he's doing with Meghan later on tonight. Boo. This whole extreme boredom/lack of business thing really sucks. Blah. School was the same.. just like every other day. We snorkeled in gym today.. and my freaking snorkel wouldn't stay in my mouth, I got rather annoyed. I was late for English class, but she didn't care. In resource Brianne and I did our geometry homework in like 5 minutes and then we went to geometry and it wasn't even collected.. then we cut out snowflakes! Mine, by far, was the best! Then French -- we got new seats. But the funny thing is, me, Emily, Erin, and Kendra still ended up all together.. which I thought was pretty funny. She tried to break up the "talkers" but we weasled our way back together. So I sit in between Kendra and Tyler Thorne.. who did some pretty.. disturbing things with Gabe while we were watching Le Bob Eponge de la Mer -- SpongeBob SquarePants. That was pretty funny. "OY!" "D'accord! Salut mon cahourt." Oh, yes, I laughed. Gabe and Tyler.. yeah and you said there was something wrong with ME.. who's snowflake was very inappropriate? Yeah, that's what I thought. Hmm.. tomorrow, I'm working until 3, then I'm going with a bunch of people (you're all invited to the following) out for lunch either to Panera or Applebee's and then to the movies at 4:55 to see Boogeyman.. then to Tim's at 7 till 10 for movie night. Yay, lots of fun! :) I'm excited. Then Sunday, church. As bad as this sounds, I'm going to try to get out of it. I have some things that I need to do and some things that I really don't want to do and that would all work out perfectly if I could stay home from church this Sunday. So those are my plans for this weekend.

Hmm, is it possible for guys to PMS? I'm thinking it definitely is because there are some that go on more emotional roller coasters than girls do. And when you find one like that, eww, don't keep him. Like the other day they were like, "Hey, how are you doing? I haven't talked to you in a while.." :hug: You know, being sweet. Today I went up to him and he totally walked away like I was scum on the floor. I'm like "Hi, nice talking to you too". Come on, how annoying is that? Oy. Soooooooooo.. I'm just going to ramble on because like I said 15 minutes ago, I have absolutely nothing to do. I'm now talking to Jordan about drugs. He asked me what was so wrong with drugs.. I'm like HELLO!!!!!!!
1.) they are illegal
2.) they'll kill you
3.) if they don't kill you, there's a big chance you'll kill someone else
4.) they landed my cousin in jail
5.) you'll get a little high, then you're worse than you started.. and the advantage is?
6.) drugs are for those who can't deal with their problems on their own, the weak, the scared.. and excuse me if I say so, but if you can't control yourself, there are other ways out.. not drugs. therapy, for one. I can find absolutely NO excuse for doing drugs, not one. There are wrong, immoral, and I don't understand why anyone can see them as anything different. It's just like stabbing yourself.. it just takes longer to die. Can you people not understand that? All of my friends, the ones that I love with all of my heart, please don't ever think that you're life is so horrible that you have to stoop down to that level. I will always be here for you to talk to, to work things out. But if you ever did drugs, I can't promise you that. I can't be here for you if you aren't willing to give yourself a chance.

Whooo, off that schpiel, I have a song, then I'm out.

Find Me Here.. Speak To Me.. I want to feel you.. I need to hear you.. You are the light.. That's leading me..To the place where I find peace again.. You are the strength that keeps me walking.. You are the hope that keeps me trusting.. You are the light to my soul.. You are my purpose.. you're everything.. How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? You calm the storms and you give me rest.. You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.. You steal my heart and you take my breath away.. Would you take me in? Take me deeper now? How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? Cause you're all I want.. You're all I need.. You're everything, everything.. You're all I want, you're all I need.. You're everything, everything.. You're all I want, you're all I need.. You're everything, everything.. You're all I want, you're all I need.. you're everything, everything.. And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cuts like a knife..

Ok, first, Matchmaker results:

Same Grade
1. Brandon Ellis
2. Andy Wolfe
3. Ben Fry
4. Zach Fry
5. Jeremy Wallace
6. Matt Merlie
7. Andrew Figueiredo
8. Austin Chamberlain
9. Evan Rose
10. Taylor Calhoun
11. Scott Brookens
12. Leo Hetrick
13. Michael Grochalski
14. Eric Helm
15. Tyler Cutchall
16. Robert McElfresh

Most Compatible Friends
1. Caroline Matter
2. Savannah Knepper
3. Lindsay Darchicourt
4. Mandie Neidig
5. Kim Burkett
6. Victoria Conant

Remaining Grades
1. Kurt Vail
2. Jonathan Muha
3. Jeremy Cannon :) haha
4. Chris Sheipe (who is that?)
5. Ryan Kunkel
6. Matt Robinson
7. Matthew Brackbill
8. Steven Shives
9. Ryan Smith
10. Jason Detwiler
11. Jordan Korgf
12. Phil Kline
13. Cody Mell
14. Austin Rutz (yeah baby)
15. Aaron Rutz (hmm, I've got a thing for the Rutz's.. but Jestine, you can have Aaron)
16. Andrew Layman

My virtues: Magnetic, Knowledgeable, and Provacative (haha that's funny). My mystery matches are #53 and #105. I'm #13.

Now, a quote and a song..
"For a brief moment in time, your beautiful hand fits sweetly in mine."

Shattered dreams, worthless years.. Here am I encased inside a hollow shell.. Life began then was done.. Now I stare into a cold empty well.. The many sounds that meet our ears.. The sights our eyes behold.. Will open up our merging hearts.. And feed our empty souls.. I believe when I fall in love with you.. It will be forever.. I believe when I fall in love this time.. It will be forever.. Without despair.. We will share and the joys of caring.. Will not be replaced.. What has been must never end.. And with the strength we have.. Won't be erased.. When the truths of love are planted firm.. They won't be hard to find.. And the words of love I speak to you.. Will echo in my mind..

I sang the song that you gave to me and thought about our memories..

Silence: The epitomy of misery.

-why?

fly, eagles fly on the road to victory...

we're all at nan and jerry's now watching the superbowl.. it was looking good for the eagles at the beginning of the game, but now.. ehh, they are losin 21-14. boo patriots. i bet frank is having a blast. I remember last year he came over to ralph and chris's to watch a game and he was cheering so loudly.. haha it was pretty funny. but my dad and jerry are NOT in good moods. I won't be able to talk to either of them for a while if the eagles keep it up.

so off the topic of football, I still have my geometry homework to do and I need to study for my vocab test tomorrow.. and I have swimming first thing in the morning.. eww. so that means I have quite a bit work set out for me once I get home in an hour. oy. church today was boring.. they really need to do something for the teens because I was almost falling asleep. in fact, if I hadn't been doodling the whole time, I would have, and that's really bad. oh, and more news on creation. oh. my. gosh. I am so freaking angry, I just don't even know what to think anymore. I can't believe that because of one tiny detail, that now a whole bunch of people aren't.. ergh! I'm just not even going to get into it. if you want to know the juicy details, fine, I'll tell you. I may even tell you very loudly because that's how upset I am. haha honestly, I'll probably complain to you all about it in the morning. eww, that really ticks me off. 2 years, come on now.

hmm.. I have an orthodontist appointment tomorrow at 11. so I'll miss most of geometry class because sarah and I are going out for lunch afterwards to panera. yum. :) caramel latte and french toast bagel.. I'm getting bored with the soup and sandwiches and I don't like salad, so I'm going for a bagel. Yay, that's exciting. I get my last size wire on tomorrow.. that means I'm getting these freaking metal annoyances taken out soon.. and that idea REALLY excites me.. woohoo.

alright, so I'm gonna go watch the end of the game, I'll see y'all tomorrow.

.::. Remember to let her into your heart .::.
.::. Don't let her down .::.
The best advice always seems to come in the form of a song.

Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey, Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better.

And any time you feel the pain, hey, Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
Well don't you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder

Hey, Jude!
Don't let her down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember, to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey, Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you, hey, Jude,
You'll do, the movement you need is on your shoulder

Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

if i have to beg and please for your sympathy, i don't mind 'cause you mean that much to me..

I LOVE
mere's sugar cookies : the way tim rubs my back till i fall asleep : the way andrew always makes me laugh no matter how "mad" i am : the way movie nights are just another excuse to be with the people we love the most : the way i always never can find the right words to say: the way emily and i are "lovers" : studying for science finals : pat thinking i'm a bad influence : kristin putting up with me every weekend : rachel and her piano : grace and her fashion and truckapella's : boden and her faith : ali and her spunk along with her love of american eagle (we were destined to be friends from 7th grade) : fig and his figness lol : austin sleeping with me in mere's basement : logan and his porkchop sandwiches : dan and our games of truth or dare : lindsay and her baked cow : jeremy and his poking : lauren and all our convention memories : aaron and his lack of singing talent and all our rides home : kaila and our energetic nuts in my bed : erin's potential : tyler and gabe's bluntness : jestine and her aaron : my -bo and our health stories : emma and that cold frozen ice : autumn and our songs -- let's go girls and ain't too proud to beg : cold stone : homecoming -- that was so mint : nick in history class : kendra and her stevie : bulling at 12:26 in portugese : "go to bed" : the memories i have from all of my friends :

well, i took this from mere's and kind of changed it to my own. i hope you guys all know that i love you will all of my heart and always will. you mean the world to me, never change.

i love you .. abby

hey all.. today was fun. we had swimming this morning.. breast stroke :) yeah, kristin haha.. then english was fine, we had mrs. white as a sub and we read "the most dangerous game". then geometry, which is super easy.. tyler and gabe and I are all good now. haha I am now the "beamster". then we went to french which was awesome. I took off my jersey and gave it to gabe and he totally stretched it out.. considering it was a KIDS SMALL. haha it's huge now.. so he wore it for a while and then found it very hard to breathe normally. when he took it off, tyler wanted to wear it, so i gave it to him. ahh, we had fun. except when we were playing french bingo i only had one more to go and he had three more and he still beat me! how does that work? eww! haha i wasn't happy.. so then I caught up with aaron and he gave me a ride home.. so then he started singing bryan adams.. oh my goodness, it was so funny, I thought I was going to die.. but here are the two songs of the day, inspired by mr. lee's lack of singing ability :) haha..

run to you
She says her love for me could never die.. But that'd change if she ever found out about you and I.. Oh - but her love is cold.. It wouldn't hurt her if she didn't know, 'cause.. When it gets too much.. I need to feel your touch.. I'm gonna run to you.. I'm gonna run to you.. Cause when the feelin's right.. I'm gonna run all night.. I'm gonna run to you.. She's got a heart of gold she'd never let me down.. But you're the one that always turns me on.. You keep me comin' 'round.. I know her love is true.. But it's so damn easy makin' love to you.. I got my mind made up.. I need to feel your touch.. I'm gonna run to you.. Ya - I'm gonna run to you.. Cause when the feelin's right.. I'm gonna stay all night.. I'm gonna run to you.. Ya - I'm gonna run to you.. Oh when the feelin's right.. I'm gonna run all night.. I'm gonna run to you

cuts like a knife
Drivin' home this evening.. I coulda sworn we had it all worked out.. You had this boy believin'.. Way beyond the shadow of a doubt.. Then I heard it on the street.. I heard you mighta found somebody new.. Well who is he baby - who is he.. And tell me what he means to you I took it all for granted.. But how was I to know.. That you'd be letting go.. Now it cuts like a knife.. But it feels so right.. It cuts like a knife.. But it feels so right.. There's times I've 'bin mistaken.. There's times I thought I'd 'bin misunderstood.. So wait a minute darlin'.. Can't you see we did the best we could.. This wouldn't be the first time.. Things have gone astray.. Now you've thrown it all away.. Now it cuts like a knife.. But It feels so right.. It cuts like a knife.. But it feels so right

caroline
I hear you're driving someone else's car now
she said you came and took your stuff away
all the poetry and the trunk you kept your life in
I knew that it would come to that someday
like a sad hallucination
when I opened up my eyes
the train had passed the station
and you were trapped inside
and I never wonder where you went
I only wonder why
oh, caroline
I hear you're using someone else's number
she said she saw you in the store today
it don't matter whose address you're listed under
I only know they'll never make you stay
oh, caroline
like a memory in motion
you were only passing through
but that's all you ever do
there's a dream I have where I sail away
and I'm looking back at you
and I wave goodbye
I wonder why, I wonder

hmm, today was kinda boring. I had swimming, ick.. then english, I had a test that was really easy. and I got back the test we took yesterday--100. then I had a track meeting during resource.. I'm not sure if I'm going to run this year.. kind of a lot going on. I should, I just don't know if I really want too. I may just stick with going to the weight room with Mandy haha. Hmm, then I had geometry and that was equally boring. Tyler hasn't dropped the nickname yet.. and Josh was making fun of me because I couldn't do the tower thing and because I was too quiet. That's a first, no one has ever told me that I've been too quiet.. he's cool though. Then I went to French where Tyler sat behind me--and still didn't drop the nickname.. and he played with my Lea hair all day haha.. he's awesome. Doesn't drive me crazy anymore, just the nickname part. ;) Ok, well I have to go, so I'll talk to y'all later.. bye!

love .. abby

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