She wants to fly away from this..

So I talked to my dad about everything..he's the one I run to when I feel like the whole world is closing in around me..and he told me something that I don't think that I will ever forget..
Don't create waves. Let the tide roll by itself.
I screwed up last night..big time. But I can't take it back..all I can do is apologize and try to earn my trust back. Losing this trust may have been like the worst thing that's happened to me in a while. He was the one that I would go to when I needed to complain about guys or not being able to open my Java Ice..or when I needed a shoulder to cry on. I guess his reaction was just what I needed to get me thinking straight again. Ok, well I'm gonna go get ready for tonight..a bunch of us are going to the erm.."Philip Bongiorno Conference Center"..yeah, we're going to Pen-Del for the night..Kids Camp..hehe it'll be fun..Tim's the lifeguard!!! I haven't talked to him for such a long time, hopefully I can say hey..and I think Pete may be a counselor..so that'll be cool too..and Mike may be a camper..wow, it'll be a little family reunion! Haha, yeah, I'll ttyl, bye!

Oh, and thanks to Tay for the talk..thanks, I needed it. It's Wednesday..Courtney will be home soon. :)

-me

You were everything, everything that I wanted..

Good morning all. Meh, I should just say "Morning," because I'm sure how good it really is. Last night was the worst of my life. I did something stupid out of spite and jealousy and it came back to bite me. "You broke trust with me." Those are the words that will follow me for the rest of my life. If I could do anything to take it back, I would. If I had the chance to take it back, I would without a doubt. Aaron, I am so sorry. I know that I broke your trust, and I'm so sorry. This is the maddest that you have ever been at me, and it's killing me. :\ I'm so sorry..

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
All the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one that catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

Meh, okay, I'm going outside..there's so much on my mind, I can't take it. I'm not strong enough for this.

Friends are friends forever..

Friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them..

Well, tonight has been an interesting one. Kaila, Kate..we're in this together. I'm sorry if I caused any huge problems..and by the sound of it, I think I did. Kate, I'm sorry that I hated you haha..I'm not jealous anymore..good luck with everything. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you sooner..

I think I may have started WW3 in my youth group..maybe 4 and 5 too if I'm lucky..ok, well I'm gonna go patiently await my verbal crucifiction. ::gulp:: bye..

-arb

So back through the doors of doubt I've gone through before..

Hey everyone! I haven't written in here for quite a while. Last week was Creation..it was such a blast!! Saturday was the best of all..during the Newsboys concert, they did the song, "All God's children sing glory, glory, hallelujah, he reigns." They did it as a worship song instead of an upbeat song..if you looked out around you, everyone had their hands up in the air in worship and all of sudden 3 shooting stars flew across the sky. It was so amazing..like God had everything planned out..it was just breath-taking. Well, a lots on my mind at the moment..I'll write more later when my head is on straight..I can't take it right now.

arb

You are my only, my only one.

hey all..today I went to the pool with Lindsay and Mandy and Tim and Jon..that was a lot of fun..haha I called Aaron and told him to come, but he had to go work out..haha but he came to pick up Mandy and I was all wet and I ran to his car and gave him a hug..haha it was great. Next week is Creation..not that excited, but whatever. Ok, going to Kristin's now..bye!

And I know lonliness won't last forever..

Hey guys! I don't think I've written anything in here for a while, so I figured I'd do that today. Not much has been going on though. Monday, I sat around and watched tv all day because I felt like a lazy bum. Yesterday, I cleaned, did laundry, and went for a run. Today, I'm at my moms work for a little bit. I told her I would help her cut out these meal tickets for the Harley Davidson Birthday Bash that's on Saturday. Tomorrow, who knows, I'll probably go to the pool. And on Friday, I'm going to Panera for lunch! :D Haha that place is the best! Yeah, last night I watched Grease twice. Haha Aaron's got a thing for Cha-cha. Psh, and he thought he's been an angel all his life. I may have only known him for a year, but in that year, he's shown me that he hasn't been an angel all his life. Haha Aaron, name your car Grease Lightning! And thanks for being a great friend..I've needed that lately. Yeah..haha anyways, moving on. I talked to Kendra a lot yesterday..and so did Pete. I don't know what's going on in my head. One minute I'm feeling absolutely empty and then the next minute I've got so much old feelings in me, I'm like, Wow, I really miss that. I was cleaning my room this weekend and I found my pipe cleaner heart, my singing teddy bear, my poems, and pictures from the famine and from the Valentine's Day Dinner. Those were probably the best times of my life. Wow, do I miss that. Maybe someday, I'll have it again..maybe. Haha Kendra.."Hey, I had this great idea..!" Haha yeah, that would really be nice, wouldn't mind it at all. Lol kidding, kidding. Ok, well I have to go help my mom because that's why I'm here, but I heard this song yesterday and I thought I'd put it in here..check it out..
ilu ... abby

yet another day seems like it's wasted
you don't feel you're any closer to the prize
a dead end job where there's no future
praying that tomorrow things won't be this way
things will get better, this I promise you
and I know that you won't feel this way forever
things will get better, this I promise you
and I know lonliness won't last forever
yet another day, another tired morning
you're catching up to your intentions
you're thinking life has to be easier than this
maybe tomorrow things won't be this way
lonliness won't last forever
i promise with all that's in me to leave this emptiness behind

promise :: spoken

I'm dreaming through your eyes..

Hey all! So I was listening to my dcTalk cd this morning and I really like this song..so yeah..here are the lyrics.

Hello, goodbye
I wanted to say but I guess I
Don't have the strength to speak tonight
It's tricky sometimes
When you wanted to run, you'd always hide
You can't find the truth behind the lies

Another day and I'm on my feet
But the street feels like it's sleepin'
I'm on a mission and it ain't too sweet
You're the reason I'm afraid
Said, you're the reason I'm afraid

But I want you to know
It's killing me
I think I gotta let go
Cuz it's killing me
You're gonna do what you want
But you better believe
It's killing me

Love never dies
It's the reason that I won't compromise
But sometimes you fall before you fly
I've seen it comin' for quite sometime
I don't know what you're thinkin'
How can the two of us walk in stride
If we dont see eye to eye
You got me all messed up inside

But I want you to know
It's killing me
I think I gotta let go
Cuz it's killing me
You're gonna do what you want
But you better believe
It's killing me


Ok, yeah..I like it, so that's why it's in here. Umm..haha I spent the night at Jestine's on Tuesday..that was a lot of fun. I pretended to call Aaron and she believed me..it was great. She's like "You're such a good liar!" And we went to bed, got up, and played ping-pong and field hockey! Haha I suck at ping-pong..yeah. A lot. Alicia: THE BEAM TEAM IS WIMMING! haha And we went to the pool and Buck, Aaron, Jeff, and Matt were dunking us like crazy! Haha I bet you I got dunked like a billion times..Buck is INSANE! Haha it was definitely fun. We all put that sun tan oil on and the water was beading up..that was funny. Ok, well I'll see y'all at the pool later this week..ILU!!!!

-me

Some things time can't heal. Some hurts go too deep.

Hey all. Today I watched all of the LOTR movies with Brett..haha I was scared most of the time. Those ork things are really ugly! Haha and Gollum (sp?)..he freaks me out! He's like "We want the precious!"..it's like a schizophrenic!! But anyways..and then I went swimming and that was fun. I'M GETTING TAN! But my back is peeling from last week's burn. But whatever, I don't really care. It's the first time I've been burnt in my life, so no big deal. Ok, well I have to go color my mom's hair..I'll talk to ya later..bye!!

ilu ... abby

I think about your face and how I fall into your eyes..

Hey all. Haha yesterday was such a blast! Me and Courtney went to my dad's race in Lebanon and then we won $215!! Haha so, we all went to the Jigger Shoppe. OMGosh, it was sooooo good! I got Butter Pecan ice cream and then I helped Courtney finish her banana split. And that was SOO good! Haha we got it all over the table, though. Heh it was such a cool place! All the lights were green and they lit candles at the table..I WANTED A JIGGER SHIRT! They were so cool! And the pennies rocked, too! It was such a quaint little place, I want to go back! I think it was in umm..Mount Gretna. It was like a little charming town from the Renessaince (sp?). It was awesome..ok, well I'm gonna go outside and get myself a tan. I'll talk to ya later, bye!

ilu ... abby

Paint me a Birmingham...

Hello all. Yesterday was so much fun! Haha the goths/satanists at the cafe were so obnoxious..Lindsay, I thought you were going to like turn around and scream at them. Ergh, they bugged me. Anyways, today is the first day of summer vacation, and man, it feels good. Hmm..right now, I am at my moms work and it's REALLY cold in here. I have goosebumbps..and I'm wearing a sweatshirt! What's up with that? Oh and I just thought that I would put in here -- Aaron, that is a very attractive picture of you haha. I'll keep it forever lol. Have fun working today, by the way. Haha tomorrow, that will be me..from 6-2. Ugh. And thanks for the talk last night..I had to talk to someone about this crazy way I've been feeling..thanks for listening.

LOGAN!!!! DON'T GET LOST! Haha oh, right, that was me and Lindsay. Well, tonight, it's at Lindsay's, so I don't have an excuse to get lost..I'm like there all the time. And Jon/Kozup don't live there, and Lauren won't be there, so I don't have a reason to go for a 2 hour "walk" tonight. But you gotta admit, that was a fun night. Lindsay, we had so much fun! Almost killing Kozup when he saw us the whole time! Oops. Ok, well my mom wants me to cut out these dinner things for her, so I'm gonna go, I'll ttyl, bye!

ilu ... abby

"oo, I love the way you, love the way you love me.."

you left your silhouette on my pillow..

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guys, were gonna rock this summer like its never been rocked before!

i love you!!!!

-- abby

The stars seem so much brighter when I look at them with you.

Today was a day unlike any other. I made Meredith cry in math class. Jestine said I should make my letter a book..or at least give it to him. But if I gave it to him, yes, it would get things out in the open, but it would cause so much more heartache. And I don't need any more of that. I've have more than enough lately. In my letter I was talking about my eyes. The way they change colors..it just makes them so pretty. And I wonder how he could notice that much, but not notice the pain that's hidden behind them. Maybe his own eyes hae blinded him from the truth..blinded him from everything except whats "real". Heh, maybe. Haha my new favorite 10th grader said that he wasn't going to stand by and let me get hurt by some punk that messes with my head. I'm like, I LOVE YOU! Haha I'm so glad I'll have cool people to protect me next year..I have a feeling that I'll be getting myself into a whole bunch of sticky situations that I will need help getting out of. Ok, well dinners ready, so I'm gonna go, I'll talk to ya later, bye!

ilu ... abby